You know the hardest thing about Bullies is giving your child advice on how to handle them without showing or telling your child what YOU really want to do to that kid!!!!

Here's my problem:
My 14yr old is starting his Freshman year of high school, he loves football, but for some reason he didn't want to join the team this year, but now some of his friends talked him into it and he joined, although it's 2 weeks into the practice season and the team already had their first scrimmage, he was welcomed by the coaches onto the team.
Another boy on his team keeps harrassing him, mocking him and even spits on him at times. The worst part is, my son and him grew up together, we lived 2 houses down from each other for 11 years!!! From the time they were 3yrs old, until they were about 12yrs old they were playmates, i even babysat for this kid and his little brother.

Yeah this kid had tendencies at an early age to bully people,he's always been a bragger and showboat, I keep telling my son to ignore him.
BUT the Mommabear in me wants to just get this little $*** in an alleyway somewhere and ring his little neck!!!! I need advice or tips to deal with this stuff, cuz i just wanna go phsycho on kids that pick on my babies, know what i mean?? I wish i was one of those people who could just blow it off, but it's bugging me big time!!!

Tanya, that sounds rough. I have no ideas or advice - sorry. I am at a loss, but I want to know the answers to be prepared!!!

I have no advice - sorry. This is 1 thing that i'm so afraid of when my kids get to school.

Is he only this way towards your son?? LOL - i would probably be the type of mom to tell my kids to spit back at him! That's terrible, shame on me but god, lets see how he likes it. All i know is kids - no matter what age - are mean.

I'm like you - i would want to get him in a dark alley and ring his neck!!

Sorry your son and your family is going through this and hopefully you guys can figure something out.

I'm so sorry your DS is dealing with this...it's really a shame and so hard to deal with! We have an ongoing problem with a child in my older son's class. They're in 6th grade now and this kid STILL does all these stupid things. Thankfully our school is very good about following up, keeping their eyes open etc It's such a double edged sword, you want to protect your child and you want your child to be able to protect themselves but what happens with ignoring the bully or telling them to 'go away' or 'get a life' just doesn't work?

There is a girl in DS's class that finally left our school due to intense bullying. At one point she was pulling her eyebrows out, poor thing. Unfortunately there are parents that just don't recognize that their child *could* be a bully or they think that the other child should just deal or that it's all 'kids will be kids'. It's really a shame.

Are you able to call and talk to the parent of this kid that is acting so horribly to your son? Do you have a good relationship with them? This can go one of many ways...LOL. Either the parent will be mortified and will talk to their child and the child will stop being a jerk. Or the parent will be mortified, talk to their child and the child will continue to be a jerk and it might even get worse. Or worse yet, the parent could be offended that you even brought it up and again, could make things worse for you child. It really is just such a crappy situation and I really sympathize!

What about the coaches? Maybe give them the heads up that this is happening...

Unfortunately living in a small town, the coaches and this boy's parents are really "chummy" with each other, you get that alot around here, parents that cozy up to the coaches to get their kid's extra playing time.
The parents are not much better as far as attitude.Living near them all those years and having attended high school with the mother, i know she too liked to throw her weight around in high school and was somewhat a bully herself. So it shouldn't surprise me the way their own child turned out. When our kids were smaller, i would try to talk to her about her son's behavior and she would blow me off with the "boys will be boys" attitude. The boy was always a master manipulator and a good liar, so i guess they taught him well? His parents are the type of people who befriend you for what YOU can do for them.They hang out with the coaches during the summer,to help their son get more playing time in the fall.They hang out with a guy who owns a construction business, so they could get cheaper rates on a home remodel job........etc. You get the idea.
My son tells me not to say anything to the coaches or this boy's parents, because then this kid will even mock him worse.
I think this kid might be jealous,because his parents tend to force him into sports and though he is somewhat good at football, he isn't great either, and he doesn't like it when the coaches praise my son for a good catch or whatever.
I might take getting my jaws wired shut for the season to make it thru this! lol

His he only this way towards your son?? LOL - i would probably be the type of mom to tell my kids to spit back at him! That's terrible, shame on me but god, lets see how he likes it.




I wanted to tell him to wait until the coaches aren't looking and clothes-line the little $*** and knock him on his @$$ which might just dislodge the stick he so prominantly carries around up there!!!!..............MY BAD!!! LOL

I'd ask your son how involved he'd like you to get. Let him know it's his call. These are those days when having your mom come down to the school to talk to the coach or principal could cause sudden death. You already know that, I know. Talk to your son, tell him you want to help him however he wants you to. He may very well say, "call his mom and get him off my back." But most likely he will want you to stay out of it. From backstage, you can be a source of ideas for things he can say or actions he can take.

The reality is, he has to stand up for himself, he probably knows that, but is worried about causing this kid to go off the deep end, it sounds like he's very jealous of your son's talent and knows a weakness about him from their days as friends. He's probaby thinking, "He won't do anything about it!" He's got to be assertive in not allowing someone to talk to him like that, and that is the scariest part.

My advice is to contact the school to let them know that something's going down. To a) put it on record that this student is having a problem with your son, b) to let them know an altrication is possible, as you've advised your son not to take harrassment in a passive manner, and c) to arrange a mediation with the school's counselor between the two boys only. They can work this one out. Ask that they not say so-and-so's mom called and wants this done. You can either tell your son and have him speak up and say, "I want to know what your problem is with me. You're always on my back and I'm sick of it. But a real man doesn't handle his fights with his fists." Or you can not tell you're son you're calling the school and let it remain a mystery to both of them.

Good luck. Raising good men isn't easy. I've got this to look forward to myself.

PS - some fighting time with dad (or other male figure in your lives) might be a good thing...just in case. My uncle used to teach my cousins and me in the backyard, ways to fight back if someone was to attack us at school or wherever. Came in handy at the mall once He always told us never to back down, that it would take a whole lot of ass whoopin' for us to die from getting in a scrap with someone. Bruises fade, but they are badges of honor when you're fighting for the right reasons.

I despise bullies. I don't know if this will help, but possibly nothing else will, except taking him down yourself. When I was in Jr. high, this girl, known for bullying targeted me. This went on for awhile, and none of what I was advised to do worked. One night my mom actually got on the phone with her and asked her what I did to her to cause it, then asked her if she would lighten up, as it wasn't very nice - no threats, just spoke nicely. This girl actually came up to me at school the next day and said my mom seemed nice and was cool. I never had a problem with her again. Now, I wouldn't suggest this be a phone call, but maybe a visit. The embarrassment of a visit sometimes is enough. A boy in high school once took my shoe home with him. Boy, he was embarrassed when my dad called his dad and asked him to bring my shoe to my home. Then again, there was a time when this girl kept harrassing me (her boyfriend had previously had a crush on me, who knows why, and she was jealous) and nothing would help (mom didn't get involved). Finally she and her buddies kept bugging me while I was in the bathroom. I'd just had enough - it was a tough day. I opened the stall door. Her back was to me as she was looking in the mirror. I pushed her into the sink and started pummeling. I think she still got the best of me (she was a bit butch), but was very friendly from that day on. Bullies keep at it if we let them. Just some ideas. You can see why I'm so passionate about this. My son is getting bullied by this kid in his class (he's six), who likes to sucker punch when teacher is not looking. I actually was ready to contact this kid on my own after class, or call his parents (sometimes the bully is bullied at home, which is what I think goes on here). Surprisingly, we signed ds up for Cub Scouts and found out this Alex kid is in his pack. Daddy got to meet his mommy. Of course, daddy doesn't speak up, but my ds does! He told the mommy, who was pretty stern with her son. We'll see what happens, but at least the communcation lines were opened. Good luck! As you probably read in my previous post, I want to do the Rebecca DeMornay trick in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle and take the bully aside myself. Grrrr.

Oh how I despise bullies and bullying of any kind. Hate it hate it hate it...

Anyway... are these things happening during practice or off site? If its during practice the coach should find out about it. He could definetly (ok, should) do something about the unsportsman-like behavior to another team mate. Any coach worth his weight should handle it and potentially throw the kid off the team if it keeps up. Unfortunately, in high school sports - and especially football - the players can get away with alot for the sake of winning a game. Its sad, but true. I hope it works itself out - and the spitting is a potential health hazzard as well. Good luck, keep us posted!