For all you expert moms out there. I have DS8 and DS6. I am wondering if this is a phase or not. DS8 thinks he knows everything and can do as he pleases. Most of the time is sassy and a smart a**. DS6 whines and still throws fits even when he knows he is not going to get his way. Is this normal or I am a bad mother?!??!?!? I love my boys. I actually I have 4 kids 3ds and 1dd. It is the older 2 that I am having trouble with. I want to fix this now before it gets out of hand. Oh, they are excellent students and everyone always comments on how sweet and polite they are. How can I get them to bring someof that home to me. Sometimes it helps if dh gets after him. But I need to get a handle on this now or I will have major problems!!! Any suggestions?????

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Lisa

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. ~Fran Lebowitz

You know, it depends a lot on a kids personality. I know my DS, when he was 5/6ish he would whine a lot and he's not a whiner now but he can be high maintenance about other things. It's very frustrating sometimes to be a parent! LOL

The only thing I can say is that it DOES get better. What worked for me was to be really consistent. If your DS is talking in the whiney voice, just say really calmly, I can't hear you when you talk in that voice and just keep saying that and walking away or ignoring him til he uses a regular voice. I think a lot of times, when you're trying out a new technique, it often gets worse before it gets better. Same for your older child and talking back and being sassy...be really clear about what you expect and demand it. If he's talking back and you tell him, do not speak to me that way and he continues to do it, walk away or make him go to his room or whatever until he can talk respectfully.

I am good friends with one of the Kindergarten teachers at my sons school. She had both my sons for Kindergarten and she knows them in a social/family friend way as well. She has been GREAT to bounce off ideas on how to deal with certain situations why certain discipline methods just don't work etc She has been such a great resource to me over the years, maybe if you're comfortable with it, talk to your child's teacher(s) and ask for suggestions. Also, some pediatricians may have helpful suggestions but it really depends on the ped, if they have kids of their own, how they discipline at their house etc

Good luck!

I can relate, I have three kids a ds6 and a dd12,dd3. My six year old is my biggest challange. I wonder sometimes if the way I am punishing him is wrong or if I could be doing something better. I have tried eveything in the book with him...even had a behavior therapist come to the house because I though maybe he had ADD or something when he was younger. He was speach delayed...that was an issue becuse he was frustrated. But anyway, the thing that seems to work is doing a time out on the stairs by himself and we set the timer on the oven for 15 mins. He is not to get off the stairs, if he does we add 5 mins each time. If he talks back or has a fit I try to ignore it because I know he is looking for attention. If he gets too out of controll, like punching the wall or kicking, we will sometimes let him get a few wacks on the butt....then we restart the clock.
This has gotten easier with time...we usually tell him to get on the stairs and he does his time without any issues....but it was a struggle getting to that point. Basicly once they know you have controll of the situation they tend to back off. Just do not give in. If you do not agree with spanking...that is fine too. I hate doing it and really try to avoid getting to that point but sometimes I have had to do it. I don't know how else to handle him.
The biggest part to the who thing is once the 15 mins are up my husband and I sit him down and take the time to talk to him about his behavior and why he was punished. We make sure he knows we love him and tell him he is a good boy and we know he can do better. The positive feed back helps them feel more confident about being a better person and they don't feel like they are a bad person.

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Heather
Mom to three dd 14, ds 8, dd 4

My kids are given the option of taking 5 minutes together to work it out and report their plan to corrrect the behavior problem back to me OR lose all priveleges for 24 hours minimum-that is tv, games, computer,phone,playdates,anything besides playing in the yard or reading a book is to be taken away if they can't work it out. Guess what? They always work it out and since I have started this they know they have limits and are going to be accountable for pushing them. It makes me

Golfermom I love your idea. Our kids are Dd's - 10 and Ds - 6 and let me tell ya these days all they do is bicker. Yesterday I was ready to go hide in the shed they were all (Dh included) driving me insane. Ds favors one of his sisters over the other, which bugs the heck out of me. But I also have to remind myself, theyre siblings and thats what kids do. But on the flip side, I think... I grew up with 4 brothers, me being the only girl, and we never bickered the way these kids do. I think what it is is my 6 yo is tired of being told what to do (cant blame the kid) and the 10 yo's are trying to act like his mother (I keep reminding them who is in charge here!). I've often said, you guys work it out. But I think now I will sit them down in a designated spot and let them figure it out.

I think it is normal for kids to test their parents. That being said, you need to decide what is acceptable behavior and what is not. If your child is sassing you and that is not an acceptable behavior, then you need to address it with them. I would start by telling them that they are not to talk to you that way and warn them that if the behavior continues there will be a consequence (for you to decide - like no tv or something). The most important thing is to follow through on your threat. If you don't the child will learn that they can get away with the incorrect behavior. It is also important that you and your spouse agree on the discipline so the child knows they cannot go to the other parent to get what they want.

Thanks for all you suggestions. It is nice to know I am not the only one!!

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Lisa

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. ~Fran Lebowitz