ITA

I agree stick to your guns, especially with how she reacted to you.

Sorry you're going through this -- not a favorite day as parents.

Big hugs!

-- And try not to take it personally . . . . Easier said than done when you get locked out of the house! But, really, do you remember how incredibly important it was to be cool, and especially not to be different?

I like the idea of working something out -- she can't ride to school without her helmet, so her other options for getting there are walking, you driving, etc. She may decide that she wants to ride badly enough that she wears the helmet.

I agree with everyone that giving in is just NOT an option!

Marlene

PS -- My brother survived a bike/car accident only because he was wearing a helmet. In fact, his helmet was cracked in the accident!

NO NO NO NO NO - DO NOT GIVE IN! Not on the helmet issue. You wouldn't let her skip wearing a seat belt just because the other kids didn't wear theirs? I already know I have this battle ahead of me, my son is 2-1/2 and the older kids don't wear helmets. So far he hasn't said anything. It's non-negotiable in our house. Four years ago my nephew had to have emergency brain surgery and now has a titanium plate in his head. He was always good about wearing a helmet. The ONE TIME he didn't have it on, he was knocked from his bike and hit his head on the street. He had a headache, so my brother and his wife took him to the doctor. The doctor was joking "It's probably a waste of time and money, but I'll run a CT scan just to be on the safe side". The doctor was white when he came out! Nephew had a cracked skull and was bleeding on his brain. He was rushed by ambulance to the childrens hospital downtown for emergency surgery. He still has an ugly scar down the side of his head (he wears his hair long to cover it).

I'm sure there will be other areas where you and she can "negotiate", but please don't make this one of them! As for the hormones, she'll get over it. Just remind her, her brain is her very best asset, she wouldn't want to take a chance on losing it because she refused to protect it! I don't bike much anymore, but I roller blade, and I wear a helmet. Someone laughs, that's what I say. I've had a concussion from a knock on the head. Scariest eight weeks of my life, because parts of my memory were just GONE! As a teen or tween, it's hard to look at the big picture and see down the road the consequences of decisions made today. That's why you are there, to help her with that, because you can see down the road.

Wow thank you so much for all of your insight on this. It really helps me look at the bigger picture ahead.

After the incident I called my mom and sometimes it is just good to tell someone else. I told her how all I could picture was the one time I didn't make her wear her helmet would be the time that she hurt herself.

Funny thing is this morning she was laying in my bed (before everything erupted) and she was asking me if I knew that people can still live even when there brain isn't. I definately took this as a sign that she has to wear her helmet...hands down! She also told me that when she rode her bike last week. She put her helmet in her backpack. She ended up coming back to the house because she fell.

She didn't go to her program and I did pay but only $5 so I am not too overly concerned since it is not something that she needed to go to.

As for the hitting and snapping back I don't even know what to do. I have been thinking about talking to a doctor or going to a counselor with her. She has been really depressed and angry for about a year now. I think it may stem back to that my parents moved away last year and she is very close to them. So close to the point that she wants to live with them rather then us. And she lets me know that all of the time. Even when I tell her she has to pick up her room.

It is not like we beat her or for that matter even spank them. My dh is a very hard aggressive yeller which has rubbed off on me lately too. Especially with all that she has been doing. I stop myself and try and calm down and let her know that I love her and care but it is so hard when she is yelling at me and hitting. I even started crying today because it was so awful.

Thanks again for all of the input. It makes me feel good that you all care enough to respond to this.

Oh she did stay home today and I have grounded her from all friends for a month. I was doing Circle time with the kids this morning ( I watch 3 little boys during the day) and our topic this week is transportation. We were (purposely) talking about bikes as a mode of transportation and I brought up the fact that you must always wear helmets. She looked at me and said "I really should have just worn my helmet." and then got kind of teary eyed. That was a major breaking point right there. We will see what tomorrow brings.

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~~Sonja~~

My 3lynns~ Ashlynn-8, Brooklyn-4 and Kaylin-3

Sounds like you are making progress. I don't have children, but I would absolutely not give in on the helmet issue. I am alive because of a helmet. I was in a pretty bad mountain biking accident and luckily just walked away with a concussion because I was wearing my helmet. I always wear my helmet, even if I'm just riding a couple hundred yards. I'm 33 and a former teacher and I used to get laughed at, but my answer was and is the same. . . the helmet saved my life once, it could happen again! Good luck and I hope things get better.

Is there not a law about children wearing helmets? Here in Ontario children up to the age of 16? have to wear a helmet or they/their parents will get fined by the police.

It's a good thing she's realizing herself that her days would be much more fun if she just wore her helmet. Great job on not backing down!

I sure do wish that there was a law! I wear my helmet. But then again I am the "not-so-cool" mom. (More like paranoid about everything mom)

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~~Sonja~~

My 3lynns~ Ashlynn-8, Brooklyn-4 and Kaylin-3

I believe it is law here in TX for kids under twelve to wear a helmet. I will have to look at that. It is hard and when the friends do not do the same things that is harder. Stick to your guns. If you give in now, you may end up giving in to things that are worse later in life. Kids know when they have there parents hooked, lined and sank, so to say....If she does not want to obey by the rules, I say take her by car and she does not get to ride her bike. Riding her bike and obeying the rules may become more important, time will tell.

Im lucky most of my girls friends all wear helmets and so do there parents!
the only ones that I see do not are the neigbor kids. They know The rules and if they do not follow they do not get to do it!!

i wish I had advise for you other than stick to your rules you are doing great!
And believe me I have had yelling matches with my 6 yr old its not pretty!!
Im glad she soundslike she is realiseing how imp the helmet
Im sure she is also realising how much you love her so you want her safe!!
good luck

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Kelly mom to 3 great girls A Peanut, a monkey and a little burrito.