I don't know where to even start. DD-almost 8 is in a Science Summer program this year. Well one of her friends lives down the road from us and they planned on riding their bikes together to school. (It is only 3 blocks from us.)
I am very adament that she wear her helmet. Her friend does not have to wear one. I have even talked to her mother about it and she said that the other kids are not so she is not going to force her to. Well this morning the time came where her friend got here and did not have her helmet on.
I went outside with them and told dd that she had to wear hers. We had already been arguing (nicely) about it. Once we were outside she flat out refused, swung at me and then punched me in the arm while telling me that she hated me and I was a weirdo. I couldn't help but start yelling at her. I am sure that the neighbors could hear. And her friend was already backing away. I told her friend to go ahead with out her. Well dd went inside and locked the door! UGH We had a little bit of a heated discussion about how I am doing this because I love her and want her to be safe. And how helmets save lives and other kids do wear them. All this time I am watching out the window and not one of the at least dozen kids that rode by on there bikes is wearing one.

Lately it seems that her emotions have been sky rocketing. I don't know what to do.
Do I give in to her?

Thanks for listening. I am just so tired of this.

Sonja

__________________
~~Sonja~~

My 3lynns~ Ashlynn-8, Brooklyn-4 and Kaylin-3

I feel just terrible for you. I am very interested in hearing what the Mommysavers out there say about this one.

One thing is for sure though... don't give in to her. I feel very strongly about that. Also, there should be definite punishment for hitting you, yelling at you, etc. All-in-all, a significan level of disrespect.

It does sound like she may be struggling with something internally though. I am interested in other's thoughts.

__________________



"A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…"
Psalm 68:5-6a

I know how you feel. My dd is 12 and we have similar arguments. Here the law is that you have to wear a helmet if you are under 17. I can always fall back on that. Just stand your ground because the issues will become more complicated as she gets older.

__________________
"Gardening is a way of showing that you believe in tomorrow."

Absoulty do not give in to her!

I remember something years ago, that happen to me that I will carry in my mind forever. I use to hang out with an older crowd and my dad found out. One saturday night I wanted to go out with them. (I was about 15 and they were 17 and 18). Daddy wouldn't let me go, and I cry and scream and the whole nine yards.

Daddy got a call from the neighbor down the road and there had been a horrible wreck and three teenagers were killed. It happen about a two miles from our house. It was the crowd that I wanted to go with.

Anyway daddy drove me down there and my best friends daddy was there crying. She had been in the front seat and they were digging her head out of the mud. She was dead.

Everyone in the front was dead. The 3 in the back had life threating injuries. And one is confined to a wheelchair. This happen about 35 years ago.

My whole outlook change after that.

It might not hurt to take her to a childrens hospital and let her see first hand, how accidents happen when the right safety gear is not used. Or better yet, let your family dr. talk to her and explain what happens.

Edited: And about the hitting and throwing fits, let her figure out her own punishment. DD use to hate it when I made her punish herself. Of course if I didn't think it was enough, she had to think of something else.

______________________

__________________

Buddy going night-nite

That is a great idea.

__________________



"A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…"
Psalm 68:5-6a

I would definatley agree with addimom. I do not have an 8 yo myself, but my sil is 8 and I know if you give in to them the behavior will only get worse. Yes there should be punishment for hitting (especially for hitting her mom). I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know it has to be so tough to feel so unloved.

I would take her to see a counselor IMO. My brother lashed out a lot when he was a kid, but my parents had also just gotten divorced. There has to be something going on. Maybe the kids are teasing her or something.

Good Luck with your situation Sonjia. I will pray that God reveals to you what needs to be done to help your daughter.

__________________
Mommy to Hope (10.10.06)
Monkey mommy to Allyson (10.13.02)

Don't back down on this! My friend's uncle died last summer in a bike accident because he wasn't wearing a helmet. So sad.

I agree to not give in to her for two reasons....one it IS safer to have a helmet on, and two is that if you start giving in every time she throws the "everybody else gets too" fit that kids will occasionally throw, then you're really going to have trouble when she gets to the teenage years. My kids have NEVER been allowed to do everything everybody else does, and they've just gotten used to it. They may not always be happy about it, but they have long ago learned that their mother is over protective and they'll even say they know it's because I love them and try to keep them safe.

So just stick to your guns. In the short run it's hard, but as parents we're not going for the short run, we're heading for the long run. I would tell her she could wear the helmet and ride her bike (although since she's being so defiant, she may just take it off as soon as she's out of sight), or she can walk, or you can drive her. But the bike without a helmet isn't an option.

__________________

DO NOT give in on the helmet issue. I'm surprised to hear that so many kids are riding around without helmets, especially with what we know nowadays about how they save lives. My rule is, no helmet, no riding on a bike or scooter. Fortunately, all the kids in our neighborhood use their helmets, so this has never been an issue for dd. If you have to, Google stories about how severely kids have been injured not wearing helmets and read them to her.

As for punching you -- OMG, my dd would be in so much hot water if she ever struck me. Heck, if she was an adult, she'd be going to jail! Is this science program something you're paying for or is it free? If it's free, I would not allow her to go because she would be grounded from any and all fun things (no friends, no tv, no computer, etc.) for two weeks MINIMUM. If it's something you've paid for, see if you can get your money back. If not, your dd has to do chores around the house for a certain amount of time to work off the cost. If she gets an allowance, garnish it.

__________________
When the sun came up this morning I took the time to watch it rise,
as its beauty struck the darkness from the skies.
I thought how small and unimportant all my troubles seem to be,
and how lucky another day belongs to me. ~ Jerry Reed