I can't recall how it started, but the subject of death keeps coming up. I tell him when we die we go to heaven. Which leads to more questions.....Why do they bury people in the ground, I don't want to be buried than he looks scared. It's heartbreaking all the emotions he is going through as I explain to him the best I can. I have a hard time with death myself and frankly am a little frightened too so it is difficult. Short sweet answers don't work with him. Have your kids asked is this age appropriate, what do you say?

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"Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body." ~Anonymous

Yes it is age appropriate but he doesn't get it, still. His little mind is too concrete but you have to give them points for trying.

You start pointing out in the world around him what is alive and what isn't alive. Trees, for instance, are alive. However, fire wood was once alive but it isn't anymore - it's dead. You can show him a flower that is growing and how that is alive, but once you pick it, it is dead. The same goes for our food. Then there are lots of examples of things that never were alive - like cars and rocks. They can't die because they were never alive.

Try not to tell him that it is like 'going to sleep' because then kids get afraid TO sleep in case they die. You can explain how the body gives up, but the parts that make us who we are (soul) keeps going. This is the part of being a parent that I love because it really challenges us on what we know and believe. For instance, I'm often tempted to say the difference between something that is alive and something that is not living is that alive things change. Of course, if you have ever seen a picked flower wilt, you know that things change once the are dead. And how do rocks grow bigger or littler is they aren't alive. Somethings do get complicated to explain.

Frankly, he is probably upset when you explain things because you're not very comfortable with the concept yourself. Try to relax and remind yourself that soon he'll be asking where babies come from and you'll struggle with the answers for that all over again.

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Yes, I think it is totally normal. When my husband's grandmother died last summer, my then 3 year old asked a ton of questions about death, and honestly, he still does now even a year later. In fact, we just watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium the other night (which is basically about Mr. Magorium dying) and the questions started all over again.

When he has a question, I answer him as honestly as I can and if I don't know an answer, I tell him that. The hardest is when he asks if he (or another loved one) is going to die soon or when he tells me he doesn't want to die. I always tell him that everyone will die someday, and no one knows when for sure, but we hope it's not for a long, long time.

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Stephanie
Mom to: Caleb (8/03), Ian (9/05), & Lucas (11/08)

Cookie 2 has great advice!

My 5 yr old went thru this as well- I believe it is age appropriate.

there are plenty of resources out there. Maria Shriver wrote a kids book about dying. We talk about death regularly and comfortably here, but I think that is a cultural thing. Has someone died that you known within the last 6-9months? It doesn't even have to be someone close. It could have been something he saw or heard. My kids often play dying games. It happens more often when we go to a funeral. Try and ask him what he thinks. He may be thinking differently that what he is asking. I hope that makes sense.
My kids know that they have angels around them that God has sent to watch over them. They also know that as long as we love a person that has died their love in our hearts will never die.
Barnes & Noble.com - Books: What's Heaven?, by Maria Shriver, Hardcover

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allgirls, mom to 3 girls