Long story short, ds, 6.5, was on the playground tossing a football with a friend of his. Another friend (twice ds's size) came over and wanted the football. When the two said they were playing with it, the boy who wanted the football tackled ds. Ds said he was pinned underneath this boy, and couldn't get up. He said he was frustrated because the boy wouldn't move, and he bit him for the other one to get off him. Ds has always been the type of person that absolutely hates to be in a vunerable position (like a dentist's chair or being tickled).

The mom called me last night to tell me (she didn't know about her son tackling mine and not letting him up) but we were very cordial about the whole thing, etc. I promised to talk to ds this morning.

Ds said he apologized then, but I told him he needed to say he's sorry again today. Then I proceeded to tell him that I understood he was frustrated, but he is Never to bite anyone ever again...and then I gave him all kinds of alternatives to what he 'could' have done instead.

I did call the mom this a.m. and nicely told her that ds was tackled and couldn't get up, and that nothing can excuse ds biting her son but it was his gut reaction (since his arms and legs were pinned). She thanked me, and we ended it up on a very good note.

I am going to have ds write a very short note to his friend today, again apologizing. I feel this offense is big enough to have him reiterate how sorry he was, not so much for the other boy, but so my ds could see it in writing and it make a real impression on him.

Just had to get that out

IMO, I think the other boy should apologize to your ds for tackling him and pinning him down. That's what started everything in the first place. Has he done that yet?

I'd be upset too if my dd did something like that. However, I do understand why your ds did what he did. He felt threatened, his ways of fighting back (arms and legs) were not available to him, so he used the only defense he felt he had available at the time. Good for you for giving him other examples on how he can defend himself in the future.

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"Ala-Freakin'-Bama, Roll Tide Roll!" ~ Trace Adkins

I agree with starlite
the other boy needs to aologise as well.

I think its great tho you talked to him about alternative ways to help himself.

tho I have to admit I dont blame your son at all.

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http://tickers.bump-and-beyond.com/34/3431/343117.png

I don't blame your son for biting either, if all is correct.

glad that you and the other mom could talk it out peacefully as well, some parents are not grown up about these things, you handled it very well. The other boy should be sorry too though

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married 9 years to a crazy Brit, mommy to a banana, she is 5 a pineapple who is 2 and a newborn sugarplum, mommy to 4 ~angel~ babies

I have to say I don't blame your DS at all either. And I agree that the other boy needs to be apologizing as well since it's his actions that caused the biting. Also, it is great that you and the other mom could talk this out in a nice, calm manner.

BTW, what other examples did you give your DS to defend himself in this type situation again? I'm curious as he couldn't use his arms or legs so what else could he have done other than scream for help? I have kids in school and need any advice I can pass along in case they are ever in this type situation.

Basically, I told him that if the other child was being difficult, first he should have given him the ball. I know, I know that sounds bad. But I am a firm believer in walking away from trouble. I tell ds you can sense trouble, (and especially this child being twice his size, but I didn't tell ds that ) that he should have just handed the ball to the other boy, and left. To me that is very empowering, saying, "here, take it" and then not sticking around to play with the other child. I'm not talking about not sharing. I think when the other child came around, he wasn't interested in sharing at that point, he wanted the ball.

But then I told him, that since he Was down, he should have screamed at the top of his lungs, "Get off me, now!!" and if that didn't work he should have screamed for help from the teacher. I guess another teacher was there and heard what went on, but wasn't right there to stop it from happening in the first place.

I always try to teach ds (since he Is small) that voices are very powerful and if you yell at someone to not do something, they might be caught off guard enough to actually do what you are telling them to do/not do.

Also thank you for all the great advice everyone on thinking the other child should apologize as well. When ds gets home, after I wrench out of ds what happened today, I am going to ask him if the other boy apologized as well. Not that I'm expecting him to/or not to, but to let ds know that he Should have without me coming out and saying, "he should have apologized to you for doing that to you as well". If he responds "no he didn't" I'm just going to say, "well, that is up to his parents to tell him that he should" and leave it at that.

Humph! Kids!

It sounds like you handled it perfectly. Did the other boy ever apologize? I agree with the others that he needed to.

i'm glad you and the other boys mother could talk nicely about the situation.

i personally think that a child has a right to defend themselves if they are in a situation where hands have been placed on each other. if you child tried to say sorry we are playing with the ball and the other kid then tackeled him to the ground i believe he had every right to bite him do what ever to defend himself.

i don't think i would have told my child to just give the other kid the ball to me thats setting your child up to be submissive and to not stand up for himself. yes it would have avoided the confrontation but it gives someone else power and mind control over your child.

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SILENCE IS GOLDEN BUT DUCK TAPE IS SILVER.

I meant to address this point but my 3 year old was squawking for breakfast. My ds knows he will not get in trouble from us if he is defending himself. I think it is very important for kids to stand up for themselves as well. I think you can use the voice first like you are teaching him to do, but if that doesn't work then do what you have to do. Example - last year on the bus my ds had an older kid that was repeatedly swatting him in the back of the head one day from the seat behind him. Not hard, but enough to just mess with my ds. Well, he told him repeatedly to stop and the kid didn't so my ds stood up and whacked him HARD on the hand he was swatting him with. Of course the driver decided at that moment to clue in and wrote up my ds but not the other kid. My ds got sent to the principal's office which he was absolutely horrified about (he was 7 and that was scary!), and he was so scared to come home and tell me that day. I had already talked to the principal and knew what happened and I told her I would not be punishing my child and she said she was going to call the other boy in the office the next day because several other kids saw what happened and verified my son's story. My ds was very happy that he was not in trouble with us. It provided a good opportunity for us to talk to him about standing up for himself.

Update: his friend apologized, and I'm particularly impressed because this was before he came home from school and knew that his mom talked to me. He did it on his own

I know where everyone is coming from as far as 'giving in'...I am struggling with this one because to me hitting and biting are very different. The human bite can be Very dangerous, even to defend yourself. Thankfully it made a mark but did not break the skin, however it could have. I don't know the tolerance policy, but to me, biting is a much worse offense than clobbering someone back. Yes, I know, his arms were pinned....He was defending himself, but I still can't get over it that he Bit someone. The circumstance was just weird because he couldn't use his arms.

It sounds crazy for me to say, "go ahead and clobber him a good one" and then on the other hand, "don't ever bite even out of self defense" but this is kind of the way I feel. Not that this is going to happen again, but a first grader biting someone else? How many times would it take for the school to oust him out for that one? To me they are just different.

Anyway, they are friends again the way boys are...which is good. I definitely try to teach ds to defend himself, or actually stand up for himself, but at biting I draw the line, it isn't Ever acceptable in my opinion. JMO.