My teenager was looking at #$%^ on my computer....

heather61172 · **My teenager was looking at #$%^ on my computer....**

and I am in total utter shock that she would do this.

I will start off saying that our home desk computer has net nanny on it and is located in the center of our living room. She is pretty much in full view when she is using the computer. On the other hand my lap top is not as protected.

She looked $%^& and sex up on my laptop computer. She has been using it a lot more lately and a few days she brought it up to her room. I know...but I trusted her. Anyway...since she seemed to be on it more and more other then on the phone I had a feeling maybe I should look at the history to see what she had been looking at and boy was I surprised.

I immediately confronted her. Let's just say I was a bit upset. I did a lot of yelling. I am not sure if I was doing the right thing but I really am so disappointed with her.

I am not entirely sure how to handle this situation. I took her phone away and of course she is not allowed on any computer in this house. I also plan on protecting my computers a little better.

I just don't know if this is normal. I also do not know what to say to her. She hates me and frankly I do not care for her right now. I know that is an awful thing to say but I have just had it with her and her attitude and now this.

Any advice would be appreciated.

lizer3 · 09-28-2008, 02:44 PM

Grrrr..Kids! My 13 yo then 11 took some playboys from my dad and while Ds was on vacation at my moms this summer he was looking up P@#$ on her laptop and she got a virus from the sites he went to. I understand your frustation. I have a hard time talking to the kids rationaly about those kinds of things Maybe it is something you can have someone else talk to her about it (DH or any other fam members).

taylyn · 09-28-2008, 02:58 PM

IMO ,
For a Teenage Boy or Girl this is a Normal Part Of Life and Curiousity.

However I am NOT saying you Should Allow It Or Accept it.

I Just think it is Normal , and I Am Not Planning On Yelling at Any of my Kids over this.
I Have a Filter on All our Computers now , and They Will know that I Don't Approve of Any Kind of **** In My House.
However , I Don't know One Kid who Dident' sneak a Playboy Magazine Somehow, somewhere.
Yeah , Even Good Boys and Girls Are Curious , and whether their Parents knew Or Not , They Did Look at those things.
I Will Not ecourage or Allow Any of these things Knowingly in my House - Obviously

I Just Don't think Anything Good Comes out Of Yelling Or Punishing in these Types Of Situations.

calimari · 09-29-2008, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by taylyn

IMO ,
For a Teenage Boy or Girl this is a Normal Part Of Life and Curiousity.

However I am NOT saying you Should Allow It Or Accept it.

I Just think it is Normal , and I Am Not Planning On Yelling at Any of my Kids over this.
I Have a Filter on All our Computers now , and They Will know that I Don't Approve of Any Kind of **** In My House.
However , I Don't know One Kid who Dident' sneak a Playboy Magazine Somehow, somewhere.
Yeah , Even Good Boys and Girls Are Curious , and whether their Parents knew Or Not , They Did Look at those things.
I Will Not ecourage or Allow Any of these things Knowingly in my House - Obviously

I Just Don't think Anything Good Comes out Of Yelling Or Punishing in these Types Of Situations.

She is at the age where she will be very curious about her own body maturing and the bodies of the boys. You need to have a sit down talk with her about your values re: ****. I was given the book "It's Your Body: A Woman's Guide to Gynecology" which was an excellent reference book. It talked about what to expect from your first exam, to various diseases, pregnancy, and sex. It had diagrams - nothing explicit - just presented very matter of factly. It answered the questions without being "juicy" and it was accurate instead of misleading.

Cheesecake Lady · 09-29-2008, 11:41 AM

Where I agree that it is normal to be curious and it is much easier for the kids to get a hold of the material these days versus when we grew up, it is much more risky now.

My DSS has gotten caught more times than I would like to admit. He uses our computers, his mom's and his friends. They flat out ask girls to send pictures of themselves via the internet and cell phones. Many of the kids (both sexes) go into the bathroom, get naked and shoot the pic throught the mirror on the cell phone and send it. They don't stop to think where that picture may end up. Even though it may be sent for "your eyes only" doesn't mean that is what will happen. Kids can be cruel and share it w/others around school and before you know it it is out of control. Later in life that can come back to haunt them, ya just never know.

Just a word of caution - there are MANY computer sites out there that allow kids to view whatever they want and hide it from you. We have net nanny, MSN parental controls, McAfee parental controls and one other one on our PC. My DSS was still able to get around it. The only reason I figured it out was from the reports I get from MSN - I didn't recognize the name of the sites he was using under the "approved" section. When I clicked on them I finally put two and two together and confronted him with it. There are way to many for me to list here - you can google it though. Always a backdoor way.

In our house we also told my DSS that many of those sites are illegal and if they are being monitored you may get a knock on your door one day (far fetched, but possible). My DH could lose his job over something like that. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to stop his activity on our computer. So, now he is not allowed to use it at all unless DH or I are sitting next to him doing homework.

Country~mouse · 09-29-2008, 11:56 AM

Back in my day it was the National Geographic Magazines that my brother had a particular fascination with. Mom could never figure out why it was always in his room. Duh mom, they didn't call it the "poor man's playboy" for nothing back then.LOL!
I agree with Taylyn, it's a curiosity thing.

taylyn · 09-29-2008, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Country~mouse

Back in my day it was the National Geographic Magazines that my brother had a particular fascination with. Mom could never figure out why it was always in his room. Duh mom, they didn't call it the "poor man's playboy" for nothing back then.LOL!
I agree with Taylyn, it's a curiosity thing.

LOL - Poor mans Playboy

I Never Heard of that.

We Used to Look National Geographic and at Mens Underwear Ads in The Sears Catalog -
There was always Someone with an Older Brother Or Dad who had a Playboy or something Similar Hidden somewhere too.
This Was Back in thee early 80's , And I Don't Remember it being that Big of a deal , -
We wouldn't Sit and Look for Hours And hours Or Go Searching everyday,
It was Kind of Like OMG - Look at that!!

I Can't even Imagine What Life is Like Having **** at Your Fingertips , Via Computer and Cell phone.
My Dh has Gotten Several Lovely Text /Pic Messages , that his employees Send around.

Its Not hard to Find Or View apparently. I Am Sure teens Look at Lots of **** Via their Cell Phones Too.
Is there any Kind of Monitering For that?

RobertPost'schild · 09-29-2008, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheesecake Lady

Where I agree that it is normal to be curious and it is much easier for the kids to get a hold of the material these days versus when we grew up, it is much more risky now.

My DSS has gotten caught more times than I would like to admit. He uses our computers, his mom's and his friends. They flat out ask girls to send pictures of themselves via the internet and cell phones. Many of the kids (both sexes) go into the bathroom, get naked and shoot the pic throught the mirror on the cell phone and send it. They don't stop to think where that picture may end up. Even though it may be sent for "your eyes only" doesn't mean that is what will happen. Kids can be cruel and share it w/others around school and before you know it it is out of control. Later in life that can come back to haunt them, ya just never know.

Just a word of caution - there are MANY computer sites out there that allow kids to view whatever they want and hide it from you. We have net nanny, MSN parental controls, McAfee parental controls and one other one on our PC. My DSS was still able to get around it. The only reason I figured it out was from the reports I get from MSN - I didn't recognize the name of the sites he was using under the "approved" section. When I clicked on them I finally put two and two together and confronted him with it. There are way to many for me to list here - you can google it though. Always a backdoor way.

In our house we also told my DSS that many of those sites are illegal and if they are being monitored you may get a knock on your door one day (far fetched, but possible). My DH could lose his job over something like that. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to stop his activity on our computer. So, now he is not allowed to use it at all unless DH or I are sitting next to him doing homework.

While I agree the being naturally curious, etc. is entirely normal, what you just posted to me goes WAY beyond being normal healthy sexual interest. I mean if he knows that this is not allowed, and still Keeps finding computers where he can get his 'fix' (because in truth I think what this is), doing the thing will cell phones, etc...I very very much doubt that ALL girls are so eager to do this kind of thing.

I think I'd get this kid to counseling - fast - not just for the pictures, but in the way he's going about getting it and seems so one tracked minded about it. It may unearth other seemingly unrelated issues that are really connected in reality.

Cheesecake Lady · 09-29-2008, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stormy

While I agree the being naturally curious, etc. is entirely normal, what you just posted to me goes WAY beyond being normal healthy sexual interest. I mean if he knows that this is not allowed, and still Keeps finding computers where he can get his 'fix' (because in truth I think what this is), doing the thing will cell phones, etc...I very very much doubt that ALL girls are so eager to do this kind of thing.

I think I'd get this kid to counseling - fast - not just for the pictures, but in the way he's going about getting it and seems so one tracked minded about it. It may unearth other seemingly unrelated issues that are really connected in reality.

By no means did I say what my DSS doing is normal. He is now almost 18, and this has done this on and off for a couple of years - nothing constant 24/7 like. I'm saying the OP it is normal to be curious. I was trying to point out that even normal curiousity can turn to something more serious. She needs to keep on top of her daughter. Better safe than sorry. The reason for all of our parental controls on the computer and taking away his cell phone are because he thinks he can get away with murder. It is a challenge for him to try and get past all of our rules and regulations. We tried to get him counseling and his mother threw a HUGE fit. She coddles him like he is an infant. He has no rules at her house - none! She is in denial that her son could ever do such a thing.

He had mentioned he felt like he was the only boy who didn't know anything about sex. He hasn't had a girlfriend until recently so he didn't even know what it was like to kiss a girl...not that I'm defending him, I'm not. This was his frame of mind and his justification (which I suspect is probably normal).

I also think boys will do more than girls in the search. However the girls he asks to send dirty pictures I believe have low self esteems and feel the need for approval. Some just feel that they don't know him so nothing ventured nothing gained (my space is a HORRIBLE thing!!!).

Open communication is best in these situations versus yelling, but sometimes the parents need to take more avassive actions.