I was looking through the Walk Slowly, Live Wildly blog earlier when I came upon an entry the author had made called "Transforming".

{side note: let me just quickly say that I follow more of a personal version of Christianity/Slavic Paganism as I believe in God but not in Jesus; I just have a hard time believing in Him and what He's done so I dont really follow the Bible although I do enjoy reading it on occasion more for God's words rather than Jesus's doings - does that make sense?}

There has always been something that has called me about the "submissive wife" (great article on the subject can found here where Candace Cameron explains the role). I've always viewed my mum as one of these women and she's a huge inspiration to me on what a wife ought to be like; she's an exceptional woman.

I guess what I'm getting at is:
-Do you consider yourself to be a submissive wife?
-Do you live by the "guidelines" (not sure what other word to use) that God has set out for you?
-What are your thoughts on the subject, even if you do not believe/agree with the proverbs?

Link to Proverbs 31 for those interested...

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Here is an article that takes on the other view of this topic:
Testimonies: What it means to be a Christian wife

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Makes sense to me. You're an eclectic.
I find that the Bible, like every other holy book, contains some wisdom and some dreck. I keep the parts that make sense to me, and disregard the rest. To me, Jesus was a nice Jewish boy, who had some really good ideas about how to treat other people, who challenged the religio-political leadership ofhis day, and got himself killed for it. I don't buy the whole savior bit, because I don't beleive there's anything I need to be saved from.
But feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless - that I can agree with.

Most definitely not. I am an equal or I am gone. My husband has no authority over me, nor I over him. Household decisions that affect both of us are made jointly - neither of us has the default.
Last month, we were watching tv, and there was a commercial featuring a guy guiding his blindfolded wife out to the driveway where there was a new car with a big red bow on the roof. He asked me what I would do if I found the keys to one of those in my stocking. I said I'd kill him. Why? For adding a huge debt to our credit rating without talking to me about it first, and for choosing the vehicle that I will be driving for the next 20+ years without my input. (I drive cars until they fall apart - my current vehicle is a '95 model). He grinned and said, "Damn, I love you!"

My main guideline is "Do as you will, and will malice to none."


As far as that specific passage goes, I see it differently than some. I see it as saying that women are capable of all the things mentioned, and by extension, capable of anything they desire, including self-sufficiency. I don't see it as a requirement that a woman spend her days at hard labor.

I don't see people as halves seeking completion. I see them as wholes who combine to form an entity that is greater than the sum of its parts. If there's not a complete YOU and a complete ME, then US is going to be full of holes as wel.

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Yes, I do in accordance with the scriptures. I have read several books on this topic (my fav was Each for the Other, by Bryan Chapell) and I think it is a great system as outlined in Ephesians and elsewhere. It allows for the differences between men and women without allowing either to enslave the other. It follows a clearly defined step-by-step process whereby everyone obeys God and lives in peace with each other and themselves.

I do try to live by the Scripture, but I'm not always as successful as I'd like to be.

I think that the model portrayed in Proverbs is the epitome of what a happy woman looks like. Capable, successful, unstressed, peaceful home life, adoring family. What it takes to get there is simple in theory and very difficult in practice, but that brings us back to your second question.

We have one of those varnished wood planks in our house, with the saying,

"Pa is boss,
As everyone knows,
But what Ma says,
Always goes."

We both love it, and I guess that's what we are - I "defer" to him, let him make most of the decisions, but if I decide something needs to be done, well, it gets done. We are very much alike, so a lot of the "decisions" he makes are really just me agreeing with whatever he decides, because, well, I agree.

I'm not Christian, so I don't pull from the whole "woman was made for man" and vice versa. After all, if that was the way it worked, then I'd think that men would be the ones that have babies. That's a whole other can of worms. But anyway, I don't think he was created for me, nor I created for him. By whatever fate (as others would call it, though yeah, I believe in reincarnation and that there are groups of people/things who travel through lives together or meant to be together), I know that DH is my ideal match, as I am for him.


For fun, this is from a sutra (a sutra I guess would correlate to like a "book" in the Bible):

"In five ways, young householder, should a wife be ministered to by a husband:

(i) by being courteous to her,
(ii) by not despising her,
(iii) by being faithful to her,
(iv) by handing over authority to her,
(v) by providing her with adornments.

"The wife thus ministered by her husband shows her compassion to her husband in five ways:

(i) she performs her duties well,
(ii) she is hospitable to relations and attendants10
(iii) she is faithful,
(iv) she protects what he brings,
(v) she is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties.

I guess one of the big differences there to me, is that the husband's duty TO the wife is listed first, and only as she is "ministered" to, does she return the favor or care, rather than him sheltering her a dominant, and she caring for him as a submissive.

ETA: The sutra is the Sigalovada Sutta, or "The Layperson's Code of Discipline". Lots of other stuff in there. DN 31: Sigalovada Sutta

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Thank you for the link to that Transforming entry, I enjoyed looking through it. I didn't read it carefully, but I didn't see anything about being submissive anywhere in that entry, or in the Proverb. It seems to me that a woman following the directions in the Proverb, or even laid out by that author is anything but submissive. She is proactive, she takes care of the household and business affairs without bothering her husband about petty things. She makes sure her family and household is taken care of and does a great job at it. She sounds more like an equal to me, and it seems that her husband has given her great authority over their affairs.

I don't really submit to my husband, but I do believe I should if he makes a decision in line with what the Lord wants him to do. I hope that makes sense.

I am doing my best to live up to the guidelines given to me through the scriptures which teach me how to be a good wife, mother, and homemaker.

Thanks for posting your thoughts, I enjoyed reading them. Booker, I love "A wife thus ministered..." hee hee

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I agree w/ everything Phoenix said, above.

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In my home, my husband has his duties and I have mine. In all major decisions, the decision is his. He is the head of the household and I would have it no other way. We have a really great and happy home life and it works for us.

I've thought a bit about this thread -- not sure if I've come up with any major conclusions.

Do I consider myself submissive? No, all decisions are made together. If we disagree we keep working until we come up with solution. I was raised in a religious household where submission was preached, at least in church, and even then, my mother (who picked the religion) really struggled with this concept. If she had left anything to my dad it would never have gotten done.

Do I live by "guidelines" from God? Do I live by God's guidelines? I feel I do. I may not live in the stereo-typical church's translation of those guidelines but I feel that I do live within them. I have a very strong moral compass.

My thoughts on the subject. There is such a varied interpretation of such things. For instance, I've seen more than a few self-proclaiming submissive wives who were ANYTHING but submissive and just used this as an excuse not to do something that they want to do.

In my family there are things that I'm better at and there are things that my DH is better at. I cannot imagine ever being in the position of dumping it all on him or vica versa. But that is our family.

I believe that God calls us to be submissive to our husbands and he calls the husbands to love his wife as Christ loved the church. That being said, I try to be submissive and in a lot of ways I am....but as in all areas of my life, I could do better

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