First of all...I have been struggling with my thyroid...moodiness/tiredness/etc. but am now trying to work out the meds so this is what I mean by sick....I have days when I really struggle and others that are better...but I know it will eventually get better and I just need to keep working at it

So I found out yesterday that when my FIL, who lives in town and is a great guy but rarely helps me out without gaining something in return, came over to help with the flat tire on my minivan and take my 7 year old DD to the dentist, well he told her I was sick and that she shouldn't ask us about it or even tell us she knew!

My first reaction is the one I am stuck in...I am extremely mad about it...First of all how dare he tell my DD something like that, it is not his place. And Secondly...don't EVER tell my kids they cannot share something with their parents! I always tell my girls that they can always share a "secret" with Dad or Mom. What a burden for my DD to hold.

I only found this out because I talked to my DD yesterday about it, telling her that Mommy has been going to the doc and has to take meds now because she isn't feeling well and the meds would help. I explained that being sick isn't an excuse to be rude to peiople but that this sickness was making Mommy extra tired and kind of crabby, and I was sorry if I had been crabby to her. She said she knew I was sick because Grandpa had told her and then tried to "pul her words back" because Grandpa told her not to tell. I questioned her on it and reassurred her she could always tell me anything and that she was not in trouble. She had lots of questions and was worried that the meds might hurt her baby sister (who I am nursing)...what a deep thought and worry for a 7 yr old...

when I asked DH about it he became defensive...saying he was sure FIL was doing the best he could do in the situation...I said no he was trying to "cover his tracks" by telling her not to tell...why should she carry a secret? Then when I said it was not his place to tell her and he was out of line, he replied that we weren't telling her and maybe someone needed to....I was furious!!!!

this still isn't resolved...my fil and I have a good relationship most of the time but he pushes my buttons (purposfully sometimes). I don't think he meant any harm, but he often thinks it is his job to "teach my kids a life lesson" his last life lesson was that they are kids and we are adults and they need to be more respectful of adult time and quit interrupting (my kids are 7, 5, 3, & 5 months). He told them that just because their parents make so many sacrafices for the doesn't mean everyone will. Then told me (not DH) that I do too much for my kids! Can you believe that? My kids are not perfect but on the whole are very good kids...I like to think I am a realistic Mom with realistic expectations and tolerance levels...my girls are my whole life...how dare he?

I don't wan to disrupt the holidays, but I tend to let things well up until I blow and then it is bad...thanks for letting me vent, I think it will help me be more tolerant!

The only advice I have is to wait til after the holidays if you choose to say something to him about it.
My own FIL said something reallllly hurtful and a huge slap in the face to DH and I a few weeks back and even though DH has talked to him since then, he's still fuming. We talked about it last night and he really wants to tell FIL how he feels about it, but we thought it better to not bring anymore drama to the holidays, and wait til the following week.
Sometimes, things are said that you can't take back. I'm like you, I don't think your FIL meant any HARM, but it is sort of counterproductive to how you raise your daughter to not keep secrets from mom and dad.
Hopefully you can look at it with a calm level head when you choose to discuss it with FIL, so good luck! I have to tell myself the same thing sometimes, before I lose it and explode on someone.

Honestly i would not say anything to him. Why? Because i've been there. You are still struggling to get your thyroid levels evened out, so you are more emotional right now and likely to say something really harsh that you cannot take back. I don't think he was intentionally being mean by telling your dd not to tell you, he knows you are probably "easy to set off" lately and didn't want to upset you. I know you might not realize it now, but i think he's trying to let your girls know that they need to help you more around the house, etc...until you are feeling better. The line he used "just because their parents make so many sacrafices for them doesn't mean everyone will", i read that as him being honest and saying "hey, not everyone is going to give you everything in life". I am sure they are not able to comprehend that at their ages,but i think he meant well when saying it.
Just give FIL some space and hold back on confronting him for now.
I know this thyroid stuff sucks for you right now and i'm guessing some PPD might be mixed in there too. If you feel like you are really "losing it", call the doctor back and asked to be tested again. I went thru a 3month bout of being taken off thyroid meds right after the birth of my dd, i just wished i would have called the doc sooner instead of waiting 3 months,,,,i was a screaming lunatic, my poor dh thought i had turned into the Exorsist, i had a hair trigger temper and was sooooooo emotional and thinking irrational,but if anyone pointed it out to me i would just totally go off on them!! It was horrible, though i knew something wasn't right with me i got very angry if someone tried to tell me i wasn't myself. Don't be afraid to call your doctor if you start feeling that way.HUGS!

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"Go on, get outside, get the stink blown off ya!!"

I don't want to sound like a broken record but i highly recommend the book " The Thyroid Solution" by Ridha Arem, M. D. I ordered my copy off Amazon.com, it describes some of the physical and emotional issues of this doctor's patients, first time i read it i was like " OMG, that's ME, i do that!" i thought i was the only one going thru that stuff. It explained a lot to me and made me feel better knowing why i was feeling like i was.

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"Go on, get outside, get the stink blown off ya!!"

I had my thyroid removed because I had two masses in mine. I am still struggling although they told me I should be better by Christmas. I go today to see my docter and do my first set of bloodwork since starting meds. There are days I feel I am crazy and sick and I am not sure what to do. Just so you know, you are not alone, you are not sick, it is just something that is a struggle. The good days and bad are there, so hugs....we will make it through this. PS...I never went to this tread until the other day...I am glad to know that I am not alone with my thyroid struggles....I may also check out that book....

I agree, I would let this Go.

What your FIL said Wasen't a Lie. Its not like he made something up to tell her.

My Parents would Do the same thing, without thinking a thing of it.

The fact that he told her not to tell your DD is a bit too Much though.

As long as your dd Knows she is NEVER To Keep a secret or a Worry from you, then I think she will be ok.
Let her know how her grandpa is , and that You Don't like it.
Reinforce your No secret Rule often, letting her know all is usually Better When you share your Worries with your Mommy.