I think we can. I am not always the happiest person. Most of the time I am, but I have moments like everybody else. There was a time in my life (early 20s) where I went through some stuff that made me sad and down to the extent that I talked to a therapist for awhile. I was telling dh last night that I would live it over again, no matter how painful, because it taught me a lot about myself and got me to the happy person I am now.

One of the biggest things I learned from that time was that I truly believe that we can choose to make ourselves happy or we can choose to make ourselves miserable. Is it easy? Of course not! Nothing worthwhile ever is! But, I do think it is a choice we can make.

What do you think?

I agree it's definitely a choice. It's how we respond to our situations that rule how we feel. It is hard work, no doubt, but I'd rather expend the energy to be happy than to be sad or negative. It's all about where your thoughts run. I'd rather have happy thoughts.

I absolutely believe that. I can't remember where I heard or read it, but theres a quote floating around somewhere...pretty much, we cannot control anything in our lives we wish we could - we can't control our health, or when we die, we can't control our friends or family - as much as we try to, something can always pop up and take our control and plan out. The only thing we can control is our attitude. I just think that to myself when life gets way out of control, and it helps me be a happier person.

Even in cruddy times, like being 8 months pregnant, caring for my dad who is very ill and has Alzheimers, and having my mom in a coma for Christmas and being told she would need to be in a home, I could still buck up and make a Christmas dinner and have a good time - which made everyone else have a good time. We ended up having a rip-roaring time! That was an example of an out of control, crappy time that I could easily let depression and sadness take over, but I didn't. I couldn't change my mom or dad's condition, I couldn't change the weather or the dark time or make Christmas just go away. I could root out what things make me happy (cooking!) and start there, and create joy, instead of letting sadness win.

I can't choose my life and how it pans out, but I can choose how I react to it. If I chose to let life beat me up and feel sad, well, I'd have to be on meds a LOT longer than I was. (I too had therapy years ago to deal with some hefty issues - and that's where I began to learn how to choose how *I* feel, and not let the circumstance dictate my feelings and happiness).

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I agree that it is an attitude adjustment. You don't always know what is in store for you and you cannot plan for everything good or bad that may happen -- but you can keep your attitude in check.

And even with that, I think it is OK to be sad, mad, or grumpy some of the times!

I think we can, to a large extent. There are theories out there that say happiness is like most personality traits: half "setpoint" or genetically programmed; half within our control. Even if only half is within our control, that's a large portion and enough for people to be happy (or at least somewhat happy) if that's what they choose.

I struggle with it too. It's only human to have some down days, but I think for me the more I dwell on the negative, the worse things seem to get. I try to catch myself going down that negative road of thinking before it spirals down deeper.

Right now I'm reading "The Power of Now" and I am realizing that a lot of my thinking is focused on anxiety about the future and overanalyzing the past. I'm learning to live more in the present and enjoying each moment for what it is. I'd highly recommend it!

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Claire, it's ironic you should mention this today. My dh and I were just talking about this very thing this morning. He described an email he got from a colleague yesterday about this very topic. He just forwarded it to me (yes, he's working on Sunday):

READ THIS

LET IT REALLY SINK IN - THEN CHOOSE .

Joe is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!'

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, Joe was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, 'I don't get it!

You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?'

He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood . I choose to be in a good mood.'

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested.

'Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.

You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.'

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, 'If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?'

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live.'

'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked.

He continued, '..the paramedics were great.

They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action.'

'What did you do?' I asked.

'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said Joe. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'.'

Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.'

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything .

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' Matthew 6:34.

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

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I think that life is what we make of it. Aside from God, we are our very own future holders. We have what we work for and with initiative, everything's possible. Instead of focusing on our defects, lets magnify on our qualities. With that, lets polish daily what we're good at and with time, acquire new attributes.

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I think being these things is different than being negative. I can feel emotions like sadness, anger, or frustration and still find a positive in the situation. My dh is one of those people who chooses to be in a good mood every morning (I have to admit, this can be annoying sometimes ).
I think it's all about balance, allowing yourself the freedom to feel while having a positive outlet for the difficult feelings. Dh surfs when he has something to work through and talks to his Dad in heaven, the ocean does that for him. I draw, paint, or go for a drive or brisk walk while talking to myself. There has also been studies done on how forcing yourself to smile actually increases your mood, something to think about....

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Kim,
Two things...I've already read Power of Now. I am now reading The New Earth...you might enjoy that too!

Also, I remember reading that story you posted somewhere. Where exactly was that again? It's bugging me.

I already read the New Earth... that's what prompted me to read the Power of Now. I'm not sure where the story was from. It was just an email that dh forwarded. Maybe it was passed on to you at some point too.

What did you think of The Power of Now/New Earth? Did it change your way of thinking?

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