So maybe a few of you would remember I have been having some issues with my mother in law and our differences in religion. Well actually, its that she has issues with my "difference in religion". I have really been good about keeping my trap shut and just letting things roll off my back, but today totally got me going again -

She flat out told me that my religion (Catholicism, not that it really matters) is wrong and that if I am not born again that I will go to hell for eternity. Now, I can really tolerate a lot, but that just completely crossed the line for me. You just DO NOT DO THAT to someone! I know that she is of an evangelical faith, and there is nothing wrong with it by any means, but I have kindly declined all of her invitations and walked away from several false accusations that she has made about my chosen denomination. Today I almost went off on her after she said that, but DH stepped in for me. The thing is, as soon as he left the room, she started explaining WHY that was true - but her reasoning was all of these misconceptions that I guess a lot of people have about Catholicism. I am not very eloquent, and I really take a lot of time to think about what I say, so I really just didn't have a chance to think up a rebuttal except for "I am not switching churches. I am a Catholic, and that is what I believe." and then I left the room. I am/was still very frustrated with this, and I found a video on youtube that explains all of the misconceptions she has confronted me with (I don't think it's offensive at all) but it really explains things with references to verses and our Catechism and makes it clear that it is what WE believe, and not that it's the ONLY belief. I really want to send it to her with a letter explaining that I don't want to start a debate or argument, and that I meant no offense, and that I just feel the need to give her the correct information about our religion. DH said he thinks it would just stir the pot, but I really feel the need to defend myself after putting up with so much opposition and insult, but more importantly let her know the true reasonings behind all of these so called "bad practices".

Here are links to

Part One: YouTube - Top Ten Misconceptions About Catholics -- Part 1

and Part Two:
YouTube - Top Ten Misconceptions About Catholics -- Part 2


What do you guys think I should do? I really need some advice.

(This isn't meant to offend anyone in any way, the videos are just explanations of our practices, and I'm not saying anyone's wrong or anything for having different opinions. You don't have to watch them, agree with them, or anything, any advice is welcome.) I just really need some help! TIA

Sometimes you will "stir the pot" as your husband mentioned but other times you also really need to get things off your chest. I suppose it comes down to do you really think your MIL will take the time to watch these videos? If possible, I would attempt to ignore her but maybe you just cannot do that. And it doesn't help that she just won't seem to let it go. It would be frustrating to say the least.

Does she do this to anyone else?

You can send the videoes if it will make YOU feel better, but in all honesty, it's not going to stop her. She'll most likely ignore them as "lies" or whatever.

Frankly, DH needs to tell her to knock it off, and she needs to know that religion is just not a discussed topic between you guys. You don't plan to be changed, she won't change, and it's just a PITA. She can try and save someone else, or she can just shut up and deal with the fact that you are "going to hell".

I'm not sure what exactly your situation is - is she living with you? If not, then I'd personally tell her to leave.

My dad liked to poke fun at my religion (and it's a bit different than just a type of Christianity). The last time he did it, I simply hung up on him. He's stopped doing it. I guess I think that just because they are related to you doesn't give them the right to insult or belittle you.

I guess that's me though. I'd tell her to shove it and be gone until she can get herself under control and be polite.

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You are never going to change her mind, and facts won't help. When she starts talking religion, I would politely tell her that you are not interested in discussing this topic with her. If she doesn't stop, walk away. I do think sending the videos (or reacting in any way to what she has said) will stir the pot. Been there, done that . . . .

Marlene

The ironic thing, as I watched these videos, is that I was thinking, "MY in-laws need to watch these!" But it's for the exact opposit reason. They're Catholic, and I'm not! I was raised non-denominational protestant, and this has caused some trouble.
At the beginning of my relationship w/dh, this was a fairly big problem with his family, altho they were not too mean about it, as it seems your MIL is. But I still caught a lot of grief for it, esp. when we decided not to have a Catholic wedding ceremony. It was the first in his family. We were "encouraged" to get married in the Catholic church to make it "count", or something like that, as if our marriage were fake without the priest's blessing. Only very recently have I learned that it was actually a great big deal w/MIL, bigger than I ever realized, but I wasn't the one to hear about it. (Thank God!)
Anyway, not to say ANYTHING about YOU or how you practice your faith, but I have not seen the more people-friendly (esp. non-Catholic friendly) principles talked about in these videos in practice by most of the Catholics that I know. (I.E. non-Catholics are Christians, too.)
My heart goes out to you, b/c I know what you're going thru, to a point (my MIL is great these days, even goes to non-Catholic church services w/us when she visits!). I'm just really lucky that it got better.

I think a lot of it is going to be your on dh's actions. When you got married, YOU became the #1 woman in his life, and he's supposed to stick up for you to anybody who's "attacking" you, even if it's dear ol' mom. He needs to step in and let her know that it's not okay for her to treat his wife that way. That's his job as your partner.
It's just common courtesy not to attack someone's religious beliefs, esp. if it's unprovoked! If she can't even practice a basic courtesy with you, a member of her family, she just shouldn't come around, imo. ESPECIALLY if it's in your own house! You have no obligation to feel uncomfortable b/c of her opinions, and I'd let THAT be known. Your dh should help her see that, too.
Whenever you look for something, be it good or evil, you'll surely find it, and I think that if you sent the videos to her she'd just find more things wrong with your beliefs. I think that your most effective plan of action will be--as the Bible says--to live what you believe and practice love and kindness to everyone. She's not listening; maybe actions will get thru to her.

The videos are not going to change your MIL mind about anything. Your dh needs to speak to her and make it clear that she is not to disrespect you in your own home. She has every right to her beliefs but so do you and she is out of line speaking to you in such a way.

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Formerly Kimberly75!

ITA

I'm Catholic and Dh and I are raising our children Catholic. My MIL is not Catholic, and she definately has some weird ideas about Catholism and she's not afraid to say them to me or in front of our kids. My kids are old enough now though...that they call her on it a bit, which is funny.

I don't argue with my MIL because she IS a wonderful person and fantastic mother and grandmother. I don't want to tarnish that relationship. So I don't engage her on religion and if she's really saying something crazy, I just tell her "I'm sorry Mom, that simply is not true...please stop saying it". She usually drops it, thankfully.

I think you guys are right, I don't really know that there would be any benefit to sending those except for making me feel better about it. Thanks so much for your advice You don't know how much I appreciate it, I really don't have many family members that I can talk to about this. I am still kind of lost on this, it isn't even an argument or a fight, I don't have a problem with her or her beliefs, this just really has to stop somehow...?!?

melsb - I really think that it would help me relax about it if I did send them, like you said. It's just so hard when someone keeps "attacking" you over and over again and there is nothing you can do to make them stop. You are right, though, I really don't know that she would watch them at all. She does this to everyone, stranger in the street, my family, heck I think she would tell it to the Pastor of my parish if it really suited her, lol She just really went to town yesterday.

booker81 - I think that I really need to get that fact across to her (that it is a taboo topic for us). She isn't living with us (thank goodness!) but we live less than 3 miles from them, so we see them several times a week. I agree that it doesn't make it okay just because I am family, and I think that she believes that she is doing me a favor by telling me why my religion is wrong and all of that. DH spoke up for me yesterday, and it felt great that he backed me, I just wish it would have had a better effect. The strange thing is that my religion was never a problem until she started going back to church six months ago.

marrobinson - I know that I can't change her mind, I wanted to more or less send them to her because she is always quoting verses to me and saying that my church doesn't preach the gospel, and I thought that it might help for her to see that our beliefs are derived from the Bible, too. I'm sure you are right, though, it wouldn't help things at all.

melodyrose - I'm really sorry that you have gone through this, I don't understand why we all can't be more tolerant of others' personal choices. But that goes for everything. I'm glad that your situation has gotten better I also think that it is DH's move, because while I am a member of the family, I don't think that it would be well received if I "told her off" or whatever. The thing is, is that my SIL and DH have both told her she needs to knock it off, and even yesterday, DH was NOT very nice about it at all. He pretty much yelled at her, and it didn't do much good. What I don't understand, is the fact that NONE of her grown children are church goers, and she didn't raise them with a church or religion, they knew about God and whatnot, but that's it - but THEY don't get any flack for it, it's all focused onto me, because I am a Catholic. I don't know how much worse it could get, really. She is a wonderful person, and we get along really well, but these unprovoked attacks on my faith are just really changing the way I feel about her as a MIL.

soucyx6 - I totally agree with you. DH straight up said yesterday - "Mom, quit trying to convert her, she is happy with her church, leave her the F*** alone!" and it did absolutely nothing, because as soon as he walked out of the room she started in again.

oregano - That is really funny I wish that I had more people around me that could do that, lol. See, I am in the same boat as you, I think she is a fantastic person, and we have a great relationship with this as an exception. I DON'T argue with her, I don't even bring up the topic, it's just whenever she sees me she feels the need to tell me all of these things. I get to be around her for about five minutes and if I am there any longer she starts in. When she goes off on me about it, I don't say anything at all, and a lot of times I just leave the room, but she just doesn't get the message. I have begun avoiding her already, and I hate that, but I am starting to think that she will keep trying until I come back at her with something. I thought I had done that yesterday, but evidently that isn't the case. I am just afraid that one day I am going to have enough of it and just blow up on her, and I don't want to do that at all.

There are just some issues that I don't discuss with my mil and never will - religion, parenting, etc. She is sure she knows everything there is to know.