I'm not sure what the heck is going on here. I've been pretty blah around the house, slipping on laundry and dishes and all that, and my wonderful DH has been really picking up the slack, without me asking or anything. He works all day, comes home, plays with DD, usually does laundry, or dishes, or general cleaning - things I should be getting done while I'm home, but I'm not. I'm feeling like a blob

I've been really busy the last few weeks, selling horses at a farm over an hour away, so I'm constantly having to drive there. Last week I had a whole expedition with breaking my rear window and it finally was really fixed this Monday. I also had my friends wedding that I helped plan and do a lot for a couple weekends ago. But for doing things around here, well, I'm not - and I really do have the time.

So I guess I'm getting things done, but not the things I also should get done. Some days its a pain to get dinner around in time for him to come home. I mean, it's not like it's that hard - most of our meals take 30 mins to make and are simple - what he likes, and I do too.

Last night in bed, he asked me if he had done something wrong. NO! He's doing everything right, perfect, wonderful, and I'm making him feel like I'm punishing him or something because *I* feel like blah and don't have any motivation. What sucks the most is that my sex drive has way dropped in the last couple weeks, and his has gone up a lot since he got home from hurricane work. I always "do it", but I just don't enjoy it as much - I'm just too tired and too blah. I'd rather not do it it seems - before it seemed like every other week was doing pretty good, now it's at 2-4 times a week, and I just don't have the drive for it....and it sucks because I know I should be enjoying it - I always have before! He is, well, um, pleasing. He even thought that I didn't want it much because he can't "last" long - which really isn't a bother to me - it's always been that way, and he makes up for it in other ways. I can't even remember the last time I initiated - before, I always was starting it, now I never do.

I told him I would call our GP today - who dxed me with PPD, and I've been on Zoloft (50mg/day) since last April. This isn't near as bad as the PPD was before I got it treated - but it's got a lot of the same underlying feelings - tired, don't want to do anything, resentful when I have to get up to take care of DD, glad that DH is helping, but resentful of myself for not doing what I should be. I'm wondering if upping my meds through the winter might help a bit. I've always had issues with fall/winter, and here in MI, the weather SUCKS and it's generally quite dreary - perfect for that Seasonal Affective Disorder. I found a list of stuff, and the only thing I haven't really is the anxiety and weight gain - yet.


Symptoms of winter-onset seasonal affective disorder include:

* Depression
* Hopelessness
* Anxiety
* Loss of energy
* Social withdrawal
* Oversleeping
* Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
* Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates
* Weight gain
* Difficulty concentrating and processing information

Just....blah.

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Stress and the weather can definitely hamper a woman's state of mind. We tend to go through the motions without really FEELING anything. For us, we get focused on the tasks that need to get done and forget all about taking care of ourselves. When we get to that place, it does rub off into our personal relationships.

I definitely think it's smart that you sawyour GP. Having your dh be so supportive too is going to help you get through this funk. Did you GP suggest that you do anything (outside of medication) to help shake this blah'ness? If so, share that info with us too. I'm sure we could all benefit from it!

((HUGS))

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Keep your head up! It sounds like you are tired too. Too much on your plate? You are strong, you can make it through this!!!!

Last spring with the PPD, he wanted me outside for an hour a day - which was good then because it was getting warmer and nicer. I'm still doing that, but it's getting colder and yuckier. Right now, it's 27 out. Yuck.

I'm waiting for the office to open, so I can call in. Thankfully, they went to private practice, so it's really easy to get in, really fast. With the PPD, they had an appointment for 2 hours after I finally called.

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Honestly, it isn't Seasonal Affective Disorder. The sun is still out more often than not. SAD doesn't usually become a factor till Dec- Feb or March. It sounds like it is stress.

And anyway don't we need down time as well. There are sometimes a day or 2 where I do the bare minimum and I have to give myself a break. What rule is there that says I have to do everything??? It will be there tomorrow and there is no harm in that.

Actually here we are running 11 hours of sun and losing, and 13 hours of dark and gaining (just checked sunrise is 8am, sunset is 6:45pm).

I have an appt at 11:15am

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Booker, I live just south of you. If this has been happening for weeks this isn't SAD - it is stress. You had several weeks of being on your own without DH and the uncertainty of knowing when he would be home and all the responsibility of home being on your shoulders as well as all the extras that you mentioned. SAD doesn't happen until much later in the year. I used to diagnose it for a living.

Give yourself a break. Who really cares if the dishes stack up for one night? Or even 2? THEY WILL STILL BE THERE. Find something that you enjoy doing. Build another deck... go horse back riding. Something just for you.

Maybe some of your blood levels are low. Have you had your iron or thyroid levels checked recently? Good luck to you.

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Why is it getting worse with him home now? I mean, like I'm not sure the last time I even finished a load of laundry, or actually finished all the dishes. I've been with the horses- was there yesterday. I'm tired of dealing with the baby. I'm tired of her getting into things. I'm tired of having to look at things that need to be done, and well, I'm not doing them.

Just looked over my emails to my SIL-to be, I've been *****y and blah for weeks. So maybe not SAD, but this is just freaking sucky. I don't want to be like this - I don't want to make him feel like I don't want him or something.

Even the stuff I know I would like to do, enjoy doing - finish painting the critters in DD's room, I'm not doing, and well, I don't feel like doing. Even though I really liked dealing with the horses, I'm glad it's done so I don't have to do it anymore, so I can just stay home. If it's stress, why is it getting worse when I'm doing less and less crap, and DH is doing more and more for me?

I'm not trying to argue or be *****y, but I just don't know what the hell is going on here. I mean, there is no reason why I should be crying on and off all morning and last night. I have nothing to be sad about. The horse "stress" helped us a lot with money, heck, I have a wad of cash on me now to help take care of things, and a little extra in the bank. I could go out and spend a little to get something I want, but there isn't anything I want.

And finally, I have to admit, I started smoking cigarettes again. A lot. I don't do it around DD of course.

I'll quit whining now. I don't know what's going on, but I'm obviously doing a crappy job of handling it Sorry guys.

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Oh booker.....I can't say I feel your pain, but I'm sorry it's happening to you. You are a wonderful person/mother/wife and you know it. I hope your doctor can make it better, and find out what's wrong. I know you'll be the feisty booker we know and love again soon!!! You'll make it, momma, don't worry!!!

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Chopey