I'm in need of major help here! It's getting to the point of I can't stand it anymore!

Dh and I only have one ds, so you'd think this would be easy for me, but it's not! Dinnertimes/evenings are always stressful for me and I'm looking for any and all advice.

Here's my dilemma: For the past few months I've been making all of our meals from scratch, which I love. We eat very little processed food - I've always liked to cook so the cooking isn't the problem. But it creates so many dishes! I run the dishwasher at Least once a day, empty it and fill it up again. Now I'll admit that I put everything in the dishwasher that can go in there: pots and pans and all. If I didn't I'd be handwashing dishes all day long. Though it is faster sometimes, I have Really Bad itchy skin on my hands and even with gloves on just cannot put my hands in water all day long. Hence doing two loads of dishes a day. So then I'm unloading the dishwasher half my life.

Dh's job is now requiring him to commute and hour Each way. He doesn't get home until 6:30 now at the earliest. So now all ds's baths are up to me every day (he gets really dirty playing outside) After everyone gets done with dinner, I've tried to get everyone to help clean the kitchen. But outside of loading the dishwasher (yet again) and cleaning the table there is so much that also needs to be done: putting away food, cleaning up messes, etc. etc.) I am a super perfectionist when it comes to the kitchen at the end of the day it Needs to be 100% clean and clutter free. It is the only area that I Can't budge. The rest of the house can be a *little* cluttered without me losing it, but not the kitchen.

Yet I'm killing myself! Isn't there more to being a mom than this?! Ds will NOT eat dinner without dh, no way no how. And I have to admit, I hate to as well. With the 2 of us (ds is Not a talker at all) it is so depressingly lonely eating by ourselves. Yet by the time dh gets home, yada yada, it's time for ds to go to bed and I feel they should have some time together, so they play while I yet again get stuck with the work. Dh wonders why I never want it - I'm to damn tired!

Sorry this is so long. I just feel like a failure. How come other moms can do this and I'm killing myself? Seriously, I'm getting really resentful about this one. Yet I tried freezing foods and with our small family we waste so much, plus we don't eat casseroles much or anything like that. For years I cooked that way, and now we're into fresher foods like grilled chicken, roasted pork, salads, etc. Sorry to whine so much. I just can't imagine what it will be like when ds goes to school and we have to get him into bed even earlier. How am I going to do that when I do Everything? And have to since dh is working/commuting?

First of all...don't beat yourself up about this. You can only do so much in a day. However, as hard as it may seem, it sounds to me like you need to make some changes in your evening routine. If this is stressing you out so much you just have to! What about you and DS eat dinner early together, make your DH a plate and put it in the fridge. Slightly pick up the kitchen...what needs to be refridgerated, etc. Give DS a bath, put his pj's on and then when your hubby gets home....let him and DS eat together. Your DS can have his dessert or some kind of snack at that time and still be eating with his Dad. Then, your DH and DS can do kitchen clean up while you have a little down time. (use sex as a bartering tool if you have too!)

The rule in our house is whoever cooks does NOT do kitchen clean up. It may not get done to my standards, but it sure makes my evenings less stressful. Then I can focus on getting everyone ready for school the next day. Laying clothes out and making sure homework is done and put into backpacks. This way....when the kids go to bed (around 8-8:30) That is my Dh and my time to rewind and do what we want/need to.

You just need to express to your Dh that you need help in the evenings. I wish you luck with all this. I know how hard it can be at times.

Stormy...my DH works odd hours and we only have one child so I totally know what you mean about dinner time. When DH is home for dinner, I want him to spend some time with dd afterwards, but I also don't want to get stuck with all the mess either. Most of the time it is just DD and I and she is 3 so you can imagine the conversations we have at the table! LOL! This morning for breakfast we were talking about what hiccups are for.

I also cook from scratch most of the time. I suspect we have very similar menus and what works for me will probably help you out somewhat.

I have found that what helps me out greatly is to plan meals for a few days around the main cooking day. For instance, yesterday we had a 6 pound roast chicken, pepper herb biscuits, and steamed vegetable medley. Today we will have homemade chicken pot pie using the leftover chicken, vegetables (I will also add carrots, parsley, and mushrooms), and the leftover biscuits will be the tops of the individual pies. I also had enough biscuits to throw 4 in the freezer for another meal. Tomorrow we will have chicken quesadillas with the rest of the chicken. It works because you are only doing big cooking the first day and mainly just assembling for the next two days.

If you are interested, I can recommend a wonderful cookbook that plans your weekly meals in detail for you. It uses fresh ingredients and the dishes are wonderful.

As far as the cleaning goes. I am the EXACT same way as you are about my kitchen. I do not go to bed with stuff in the sinks and cluttering the counters. I also wipe everything down really well with vinegar water. I find it is much less stressful in the mornings when you have a clean slate to start on. Breakfast is a breeze when you aren't shuffling crud around on your counters to try to make space. I try to do my main cooking on DH's days off. That way, he can do the clean up on the messiest day and the others are assembly days so the mess is never that overwhelming. I let him do his thing then go behind him later and give everything a final wipedown before bed. I know what his cleaning weakness are and can usually get the final swipe done in about 5 minutes. I used to try to do all the cleaning myself since I wanted it a certain way, but this way is nicer and less stressful...and, in the end, it is still done to my specifications.

I hope this helps you out some...I know that it can be very time consuming to do all scratch cooking. I love it though and our system seems to work well for us so maybe you can take some bits and pieces to make your own system.

BTW...on top of my usual scratch cooking, I am going to be making all my own bread and yogurt from now on.

Have you thought about making stuff earlier in the day and then just reheating it at night? I don't know what you daytime schedule is, but if you could break it up into smaller chunks and work on it throughout the day, you could clean up as you go and have it ready when dh comes home.

Have you looked into once a month cooking? It would make for a big Sunday, but you would have your weeknights freed up and still be eating homemade food. There are a lot of websites out there - just google once a month cooking. I also found a really good book on it, that I will look up if you are interested. I don't do the once a month, but I have done the once a week before and it worked out really, really well. It made for a very peaceful week of nightly dinners.

I totally understand wanting to eat with your husband. I am that way as well. We eat as a family, period. I also feel your pain in the dishwasher department. I think there are days I run ours 2 times!

I hope that helps a little. You sound so stressed!

If you could ease up on the kitchen standards slightly....our rule is whoever cooks does not clean, but my DH's idea of cleaning the kitchen is putting the dishes in the DW & running it. If there are dishes/pans that did not fit in the load, they are still in the sink. He will wipe counters/we both put away food. I leave those remaining dishes/pans in the sink & enjoy my evening w/ my DH (he works several nights, so when he's home, I want to be with him). The next morning, I empty the dishwasher, and then it's ready for the remaining few things that did not fit the night before. And I can keep adding to it as the day goes on. What does it matter to me of the kitchen sink is empty at 9pm or 9 am? It doesn't matter one bit. And I'm less stressed out.

My girls are 21 months and 4 years old. Evenings are a whirlwind. My husband never comes home at the same time and it drives me crazy. Even if I call him to ask what time, it will most likely change by the time he is supposed to leave. I try to plan supper around his schedule but we end up eating without him a lot during the week. I typically eat standing up with my plate in the kitchen. My youngest eats in the booster and the oldest eats at her kiddie table in the living room. I put a cartoon on for them so I can manage to get supper served and cleaned up. I try hard to eat as a family but it only happens with regularity on the weekend. After supper, I continue to clean up then it is a bath, movie, brush teeth, seperate story time for each child, sing lullaby, then I get to collapse onto the floor 14 hours after they woke up for the day.
I try to make simple meals. It would be great to have a big dinner every night but I save those for the weekend.

I think you need to relax your standards a bit!! So what if the kitchen is not perfectly clean. Also, clean as you go along, don't save all of it for the end. Make some things ahead of time. Also, your ds does not need to have a bath every night. Heck, if I bathed all my kids every night, I would be doing nothing but giving baths!!

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~Happiness is a large family~

I think you are right on board with a lot of mommy's. You'll find what works best for you.
I too have sitting down at the table as a family and a clean kitchen top on my priority list. I know others have mentioned these things, but this is what I do too
*make a menu for the week
*do the prep work for dinner at nap time or while kids are playing playdoh or coloring, then at dinner the vegee are already in the pot of water, the meat is already prepped in the fridge just waiting to be cooked
*I use aluminum foil to line pan and cookie sheets that go in the oven to cook meat, One less dish to wash, just throw away the foil.
*the kids get bathed before I start dinner, which I usually don't start until a half an hour before dh gets home.
*I clean up as I go
*Each person cleans up his?her own place putting them in dishwasher even my 4 yr. old
* I wash the pots and pans, & wipe down the table, while dh gets some time with the kids
* dh sweeps the floor while I put kids to bed

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"Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body." ~Anonymous

Finding the changes that you can live with is key. You have made an awful lot of things "important" and I understand the reasoning for each. But not everything can be the top priority. Soul search on what really is on top. What doesn't fall in the top two or three is going to have to give to remain sane. Make a conscious decision to look the other way or fudge on those things lower on the list. At least in the evening. You may need to leave a few things to the morning if family dinner and cooking from scratch are the top items. Whatever you can shift to a less stressful time will help, even if it is unorthodox.

Good luck.

Cathleen