Need advice about making my life easier

BlueSky · **Need advice about making my life easier**

Let see: I have a newborn (whose up majority of the night and sleep almost all day), a toddler whose up all day, a dog that constantly be taking out, a husband who works 14 hours (majority of the time) then I have to worry about cooking dinner and not falling asleep while cutting some vegetables

. Ohh yeah, its getting colder outside so my routine with DS about taking him outside and let him run around has stop. So he is at home (all day) bored, watching cartoons and making my life more miserable. Our apartment is not that big either so sometimes I catch DS running lapse around the couch until he's dizzy then he starts again

How do I keep him occupy during the day? I read to him already, I play with him (he's already tired of playing his toys) basically he's tired of being stuck in the house and our weather hasn't been cooperating for the past two months. Its freezing and raining. I normally take DS to our friend whose got a daughter and they play together but he get tired of going over there and playing with her. I need or he need something new. There is no play group in our area and if there is one I have to drive 45 mins away. Right now, coffee is my bestfriend eventhough I didn't drink coffee before until our daughter was born 14 days ago, yet I still find myself falling asleep sometimes. How do you guys do it for those of you who have two or more kids under the age of 10?

mustangmissy · 11-25-2007, 01:05 PM

DD1 was 25 months old when DD2 was born. It was tough the first few months but as she got older we were able to do crafts, puzzles, I would take them to the mall where there's a play area. The real change came when DD1 started 1/2 days for 2 days a week at preschool. She totally changed and is much more relaxed and not as needy. Probably due to getting more mature and getting the extra energy out at school and dance class that she has once a week.

Not sure how old your son is but I hope things work out for you soon. I know how tough it seems but it doesn't last long.

Mom of 3 add 2 · 11-25-2007, 02:53 PM

Hi. I lived in a very small apartment when I had my DS and had a 2 year old at home. DS never slept for more than 1 h and 45 minutes at a time for 5 months, he was colicky. My DH at the time was never home. I was a MESS! Anyhow, my point is just that I can relate to what you are going through, although I do not know if I have any "New" advice for you.

That was 10 years ago, and I remember then thinking that it was never going to be over, but looking back on it, it seems like it went really quickly. I tried to keep that in mind when my 3rd child came along 7 years later and it really helped. I have started to realize that some things are not as important as I thought they were at that time...so my advice to you kind of stems from that.

Try to have very low to NO expectations for yourself every day. Let your house get messed up if you have to. Let the little ones live in pjs if you are not going anywhere. Don't worry about the older child watching cartoons all day. Of course it is not the ideal long term solution,but then, having a new born is not a long term situation, kwim? it is not going to do permanent damage. If your little ones like the bathtub, it is a great way to make time pass, and it seems to wear them out a little and let them get some energy out. Don't put pressure on yourself to have perfect meals, or perfect nutrition right now. Obviously you don't want to eat and feed your family complete junk, but eating things that are easy for now won't hurt anyone. Accept ANY help that anyone offers you. I remember when my colicky son was about 7 or 8 weeks old, someone came over and held him for 5 hours while I slept that day. It was the most sleep I had since he was born, and it is amazing what a difference a longer stretch of sleep can make in your mood and your day. If all else fails, if you can just get a sitter to come and relieve you for a while.

I hope some of this helps. I will think about it and see if I can think of anything else that I would do to try to make it easier if I ever had to do it again.

OmahaMommy · 11-25-2007, 08:10 PM

Here are some things I would do:

*get a snugli and when baby is up at night, throw in loads of laundry, check email, do stuff when the baby is awake and feeding. I used to check my email at night feedings.

*put a time out to stressful big meals. Maybe you need to double cook and freeze a meal every time you cook or maybe just chicken nuggets and french fries for awhile. Keep it simple until your baby works the sleep schedule out.

Hope that helps!

Erin

Happymom · 11-25-2007, 08:20 PM

When my boys were little (they are now almost 10, almost 9 and 7.5) My dh was working 2 jobs and rarely home. I also had a 1st grader and a 12 yr old. Now I still have 4 kids under 10. So, I can sympathize! I totally agree with lowing your expectations of yourself! The house does not need to be perfectly clean, meals do not need to be fancy. Sandwiches are good! You can doze on the couch while your ds watches a movie occasionally. Playdough and coloring at the table, always kept my boys occupied. Are there any ECFE type classes that you can go to with your children? I loved those (still do them with my 4 yr old) Your dd will get into a routine and things will get better

T-shell · 11-25-2007, 08:54 PM

We use to eat cereal or breakfast alot for supper when the twins were smaller. Hang in there!

SouthernMama · 11-25-2007, 09:18 PM

I have 2 toddlers. They are 23 months apart...I remember sleeping alot on the sofa with them both during the daytime..Thankfully my oldest was still at the nappy stage! I spent the days I was up and around prepping sandwich bags full of finger foods for my oldest and I. When I was exhausted and needed to just get some rest, we'd veg out on the sofa reading books, watching movies and even building blocks. I know that coloring and playdoh saved me alot of the frustration! Both my kids got me as equally as I could. When I'd nurse my baby and my toddler demanded some mama snuggles...I'd rearrange my baby to one side to nurse in a football hold while my toddler snuggled on my other side up on my shoulder and I sang softly to the both of them. It was very hard and I felt like supermom when I was done..Yet by the time my dh got home I couldn't even find the time to want to converse as I wanted to just serve up a quick easy meal and off to bed. HOWEVER I pulled through and I don't know how I did it. I remember prepping lots of meals in the freezer and snacks. In the evening before bed I'd prep a gallon of juice, tea and some water. That way in the morning the drinks would be ready to go. I'd also make up some sippy cups for my oldest and a morning snack. The minute she woke up she wanted a fresh drink and a snack...and I wasn't even able to wake up fully..so I needed a quick fix to hold her over long enough for me to wake up a bit.

My dh did help heeps when he was home. He'd take our oldest and play with her and they'd spend quality time together while the baby and I got some rest peacefully. I didn't have my family around me to help so I was on my own with the two kids. I didn't complain much as I was very blessed to have them both in my life..but I remember calling my bestfriend alot and crying to her on how in the world I'd be able to keep my eyes open another minute. I finally got a routine down and was up cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and multi tasking again after week two. The first couple weeks were difficult. When my toddler got all hyper I'd put her in the tub LOL...then after the tub we'd paint nails and get dressed. Then we'd go play with playdoh together (I have the playdoh stains to prove that!)...if I was too tired to even find the energy to play with her I'd ly on her bed in her room and let her play on the bed where I was and I'd find myself dozing off here and there. Wasn't easy to find time to be UP and awake.

You will get threw it and if you have a phone friend...CALL on her!! You need someone during this time. It's what helped me do my daily mama duties and still be a wife to my dh when he arrived home.

The last thing a dh wants to hear when he walks in the door is "I'm soooo exhausted"..so vent that to a friend.

I'm a friend and willing to help you through this. It's difficult, but it can be done

angelhair · 11-28-2007, 10:36 AM

My DD was 11 months old when my twins were born. The meals were basic, the house was a mess, when the twins when down in the afternoon that was my time with my DD we would lay on the couch or floor and watch tv together, we both took naps together.

The laundry was washed and dryed and put in boxes in each room, no time for folding or putting it away.

Breakfast & lunch was very simple.
Breakfast - Hot oatmeal & juice, cearal & juice, toast & bananna & juice.
Lunch - PB & jelly with applesauce, anything from a can, lunchmeat & cheese cut up.
Dinner - anything that I could put in the cockpot or in the oven, alot of frozen foods, soup & sandwiches, once a week pizza DH would pick it up on his way home.

When anyone asked what I needed, I would say comeover and let me take a shower or take a bubble bath, or even come over and help with bath time in the a.m., my little sister use to come over on the weekends and help too.

Hope this helps you. P.S. my DD is 25 and has two of her own (6 month old and a three year old) she called me alot when her second one was born and my twins are 24 and one has a 2 year old.

LJGZsmom · 11-28-2007, 12:01 PM

Here are a few ideas.

Check the malls in your area. We have one mall that has an indoor playground and is free. The space is huge and there is so much to do. Your toddler can run scream all he wants. It will wear him out too.

Get some games. My kids get sick of their toys after awhile too. But there are some great games out there that the kids can be moving around instead of sitting. Our favorite one is Elefun. The elephant trunk blows butterflys and they run and catch them with a net. Get a couple games have him play for 20minutes in the morning and 20minutes in the afternoon. Have him play the same game for one week, then switch games the next week. That way he can enjoy each game a week, but won't get sick of it.

For you: take a nap!! Keep the toddler very active in the morning and try to keep the baby up. Then after lunch all three of you lay down for a nap. If your toddler doesn't do naps, or they are short, try all laying with him on the couch and watch a movie. I hardly get naps anymore, but when I do I will put in a disney dvd and tell my kids, watch this and when it is over wake mommy. I don't know how old you son is but you could set an alarm for the length of the movie so you are sure to get up.

Use a bouncy seat for the infant. I would put my infant in the bouncy and move them from room to room with me. I talked to them the whole time and I was always in their view. So they were happy an I got things done.

Have your toddler be your helper. Say okay time to play the color game. Find all of the red toys and put those away. Or find all of the blue jeans and put them over there. Or find all of the soft blankets and set them on the couch. Find all of the yellow blocks and put them here. You get the idea. This is how we clean up everyday. Still works for my 8and 9 year old!!

Get out of the house once a week. I don't know your routines or plans, but it helps to leave the house. We homeschool and are home all day every day. But on Fridays we go to a school and do PE and art. It just gets us out of the house for two hours. Helps the kids and me. Public libraries always offer Story Time. It is of course sitting and reading and sometimes crafts. But it will get you out of the house and moving.

Hope things get better!!!

LJGZsmom · 11-28-2007, 12:05 PM

What city are you in? Doubtful you are close to the mall I mentioned but I would be happy to help you find one close by.