I'm so angry and frustrated this morning! It's a long story but my dd was hanging out with a bipolar woman ( i say woman because she's legally an adult around 19-20yrs old). My dd is only 13, a VERY immature 13 who acts more like a 10 yr old. First of all i don't want anyone to think that i would refuse to let my child be friends with someone bipolar because that doesn't make them bad, it's just this particular bipolar woman does not stay on her meds and has been arrested in the past for violence against others. She even pulled a knife on her boyfriend last summer. I DO NOT trust this girl/woman at all, and i fear for my dd's safety when she's around her.Not to mention a 19/20 yr old has no place hanging out with a 13yr old in my opinion.
So dd was told to stay away from this girl/woman. I grounded her last time she was caught walking around with her (she lied about who she was with). I just found out this morning that my dd checked out some music c.d.'s from the library and this girl was there at the time and my dd let her "borrow" them. Apparently they have been overdue for awhile but the librarian renewed them for my dd,but told her she needs to have her parents( us) try to contact this girl to get them back.
UGH, i don't even know for sure where this girl lives! So now i am going to have to go talk to the police dept. and hope they can help me on this.
Dh keeps harping on me that i baby dd too much and she needs to learn responsibility. Yet if i give her a chance to be responsible and she does this?!!!
I need to come up with some form of discipline for this, not sure just grounding her will get the point across. Any ideas?

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"Go on, get outside, get the stink blown off ya!!"

If this is a repeated issue, you may need to look into some form of legal protection from this woman for your daughter. I state woman because she is a woman and no 19-20 year old hangs out with a 13 year to benefit that 13 year old. She is having your daughter check things out of the library because she is not allowed to check things out of the library. She's using your child.

How is your daughter able to hang out with her without your knowledge? Are they in the same school environment together or something?

Thank You, that's exactly what the librarian aide told me this morning. She felt this woman is the adult and is taking advantage of a child. I know that dd is vulnerable because of her anxiety issues, she tends to be too kind in order to be accepted or liked by everyone. The librarian aide said she loves having dd come down to the library and didn't want to get her in any trouble but felt i should know what is going on because she told my dd to tell us but dd obviously hasn't(mostly because she knows she is gonna be in trouble for being around this woman). I'm VERY thankful the librarian aide told me. I think when i go talk to the police i might ask what i can do about this woman trying to be around my dd.

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"Go on, get outside, get the stink blown off ya!!"

DD is allowed to go to the library(it's only about 3 blocks away) and usually goes with a group of friends. This woman sort of latches on to people and they are too nice or just too timid to tell her to leave them alone.

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"Go on, get outside, get the stink blown off ya!!"

Hmmm...well, that would bother me too. I'd probably be accompanying her to the library for the next few times. I wonder what else you can do? I would try to coach my child that if the woman asked for anything to say "no, sorry, I'm not allowed" or whatever response you come up with that she's comfortable with. I always tell my kids, 'blame it on Mom'...LOL. The woman hanging near my kid would disturb me. It's just not appropriate.

At this point i might just ground her from the library for a little while. I just hope i can get those c.d's back or i will have to pay for them.

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"Go on, get outside, get the stink blown off ya!!"

If you ground her from the library though, how are you going to get the CD's back?

I would try to get the CDs back also since I do admit to bailing my children out of messes. But I think she has not shown maturity and responsibility that would allow her to go places alone when you don't see her leaving or coming back. You have no idea who she could be meeting. Just be grateful this is a girl/woman instead of a boy/MAN!!! Think what that could lead to!!

My other piece of advice that I give objectively (although I admit I probably wouldn't follow through on myself since I'm a weenie mom ) is that if neither of you can get the CDs back, then I'd make DD buy the CDs to replace to the library and make her earn the money to pay for them. She could do chores for neighbors or family or babysit (if you think she's responsible enough). But somehow I'd make this fiasco cost HER somehow so she's not so willing to do things like this in the future.

I don't blame you for being worried and angry.

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It's not likely based on what the libarian aide has told me that this woman is going to return them on her own and she hasn't seen her come in the library in the past 2 weeks. I'm still hoping the police dept. can help me track her down, since they are very familiar with her from the past,plus we are small town (pop. 1,300).

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"Go on, get outside, get the stink blown off ya!!"