OK my DS as you all are finding out has a 25% speech delay along with MASSIVE temperment issues. He drives me completely insane by the end of the night. Well I finally put another call into the Behavior management lady to find out what the hold up was and We finally set up an appt for next Thursday!!! So now just to try to keep my sanity til then. It is growing harder and harder to keep my cool cause he is soo head strong and strong willed and it takes everything I have not to flip out on him. Today for instance we went out for a bit which we normally dont do cause I cant handle his outburts in stores so anyway we finally get home and i get him out of his seat and put him on the ground to walk to the apartment well he threw himself on the ground kicking and screaming for 15 minutes!!!!!!!!!! I was so frustrated by the time I finally dragged him upstairs that I put him to bed for his bad behavior. I am doing this all on my own since hubby is in Iraq and my parents only take him once and a while cause he is such a handfull. Yes my family gives me credit for dealing with him but credit doesnt give yuou sanity. PLease pray for me to keep my sanity for 1 more week til the lady gets here for the appt so we can figure out what to do for him. Thansk for reading I know this is long.

Haley

I'm glad you got your apt. I hope they can help you with him. I am praying for you it must be hard now with your husband gone. just hang there and then when you have some information to work with maybe your family can help you out more. At this time I have no family help with my sn dd because my family doesn't feel they could. So I just plug forward knowing that it will get better as time moves on and she gains communication skills.

I am so glad you got the appt. Your parents robably want to help more but might be scared of what could happen. Do you think one of them could go to the appt. with you? I was just thinking having another person hearing what to do might be helpful and maybe they would feel more comfortable about helping if they feel like they have some good tools on how to deal with behavior. Even if they feel like they still can't help by taking them it might be a good sounding board for those hard days.
Good Luck:D

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Karen

That is a great idea I will have to see what kind of arrangements I can make for my mom to come up for the appt. Atleast one helping hand would be good for me because she might pick up on something I missed out on. Thanks for you input

I always bring a person along to any appt and all IEP's. We also take notes because many things will be forgotten. I might add that bring in a pad with issues you want to discuss so you can get answers to questions.

Good luck! April

I just wanted to know what happen? Can you share what you had learned at the appt?

Thanks, April

I just want to reiderate (?spelling) about bringing someone with you...while the doctor is talking to you, the other person can tend to your son...if he gets out of control - at least your focus will be on the doctor and not your son. You need that time to talk to the doctor regarding your questions and getting answers...you really can't do that if your trying to calm your son down.

Best of luck to you and your son!! I hope you get the help you need with him!!!

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"Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake!" - ANONYMOUS

Hi Haley. I'm fairly new to this board, but not new at all to what you are describing. I have 3 adopted children one with ADHD & MMR, one with ADHD, CD & Bipolar and the other has learning delays and was sexually abused. Along with all the emotional issues, there are also the social delays to deal with. I have dealt with rages for hrs, self-abuse, destroying property, stealing and lieing until I am up to my eyeballs into it! I seriously feel your pain.

Since dealing with this for 5 yrs now, I would like to share some advice...1st thing is take care of you 1st. Get up before the children, take your shower, put on make-up and be ready for the day by the time little feet hit the floor.

Make sure to eat and give a nutritious breakfast.

Keep little hands busy with "thinking toys" not TV. When the TV is on, the thinking part of the brain shuts down. Toys like Legos, Lincoln Logs, K-Nex, puzzles, board games, art, playdough, etc are all excellent for developmental and emotional delays. They keep hands and minds busy and give mom a second to read, prepare dinner, answer emails, whatever. As little Tv as possible, lots of physical activities.

Take naps together, or at least "rest time". There is nothing wrong with lying on the bed staring at the ceiling for 30 mins or an hour. Most of the time, the child or both will fall asleep.

Give snacks during the day. Stay on a schedule. Don't do anything out in town that causes sensory overload. Don't let the child know about upcoming events that may cause anxiety. Don't compare your special needs child to other normal developing children. Find another military mom who understands what you are going through with being the only parent at home and dealing with dad being deployed, make friends and support each other by taking turns babysitting so the other can shop in peace or I'm going to town, can I pick you up diapers? Whatever you can do for each other.

Lay the clothes out for the next day and even lay out cereal and bowls and spoons if you so choose. Make a TO DO list for tomorrow. Be sure to pamper yourself at the end of the day. Put jr. to bed at a decent hour, on schedule, take a bubble bath, have a cup of coffee, watch your favorite soap opera you taped during the day, read a devotional, whatever. And go to bed early for lots of rest.

As far as disciplining: no, means no. No 2nd chances, no 1...2...3, no without explanation. When you give explanation it's like you are reasoning with the child. If you feel it deserves an age-appropriate explanation, that is up to you. Ex: "NO, don't touch the stove it will burn you." is certainly understandable. However, "No, don't write on the wall with crayon because I will have to clean it and/or it will look ugly" is only a challenge to a child. No, means no.

At the on-set of whining, send to bed for a 10 minute nap/rest whatever you call it. Don't say "time-out" but that's essentially what it is. Say, "Little babies whine because they can't tell mommies how tired they are. Thank you for letting me know that you're tired. You may go lay down for 10 minutes." Nothing else, go set the timer. Once the 10 minutes is up, let them know they may get up and play now. If they keep getting up, let them know the timer starts when you are ready.

Don't get involved in a power struggle in stores. No, means no.

I could go on and on on discipline but I won't. As far as getting behavioral services involved, ask about a community based services worker. This is a trained person who will come get your son and take him into social situations like a candy store, tell him no, and walk him through acceptable responses. They take him to Toys 'R' Us and monitor his play with others. They may even watch as you and your child interact and when they see things that need to change, will walk your child through it as a trained professional. Also, don't discount that the child may simply be missing daddy and since they can't tell us that, is chosing to act out instead.

If your child has ADHD or other neurological delays or disorder, you may be able to get your state to pay for this or apply for SSI, if the disruption is to the point where it is causing learning delays. Also, make sure you are registered with the military as a child with disabilities. They will make sure your hubby never has a duty station that can't accomodate needs of that child...emotional, physical or mental. And if the delay/disorder is serious enough it may also keep dad from going to certain duties.

Find an on-line support group and visit as often as you can. Make friends with other experienced special needs moms and ask questions. All moms are more than willing to answer questions and help if they can. Take the advice you can use, and just listen to the others and store it away for later.

Don't be so hard on yourself and learn to laugh. If it can be cleaned up, washed or grown out...laugh about it. Enjoy the mess and take a cute picture for dad. (The camera also helps to curtail the temper tantrums because they don't want anyone to see it but mom! Bonus!)

Meanwhile, know that misery loves company and you are not alone! Hang in there! I hope your appt goes well. Keep fighting. You know your child better than anyone and you know what feels right.

I dont have a special needs but all that great advice about dealing with bad behavior is great for anychild.


Hope that your appot. helps.

That was great advice on dealing with behavior. Thanks for posting and please visit us often. As you said and it is true, misery loves company.

April