Help!! 1 with FASD and maybe one more

Missy · **Help!! 1 with FASD and maybe one more**

I am a foster to adopt mom of 5 beautiful kids. One has a diagnosis of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder, I think my little boy that is 3 also has it. My three girls are okay. I just don't know what to do with my 3 yr old. He hits, pushes, yells, screams,throws things.... you name it he does it. I am waiting for a special eduaction consultant to come and help but in the meantime he is driving me nuts. I just had to bring the 2 boys home from a restauraunt and leave the rest of the family because it was a family xmas supper. I don't lmpw what else to do. If any one has ideas please.... thanks.

AmyB. · 12-09-2006, 11:48 PM

I am reading a great book right now called The EXplosive Child. I don't remember the author off the top of my head. It may have some good suggestions for dealing with the behaviors.

Thank you so much for what you do as a foster parent! As an attorney I did a lot of work with kids "in the system" and I know how important good foster families are!

amy

12-10-2006, 05:18 PM

I wish I had good ideas but it is so hard to figure out what is right. We leave restaurants all the time and we just don't go out to eat other than drive thru Mc Donalds. If we do go out we bring a DVD player and a thomas movie to distract him so we can eat.

Please let us know what the SE consultant comes up with.

God bless you for being a foster parent.

April

desertmom · 12-11-2006, 04:10 AM

This age is so hard. Mine wasn't a terrible two, but at three, it was hard. I would get down to his level, take his hands in mine and tell him no, and EXACTLY what wasn't appropriate, but I would also tell him how to handle something, like anger. No, we can't throw toys. Toys that get thrown get confiscated. Time outs, yes, but we had to sit with him for the duration - at first, he had to be on our lap, then him on the chair with us facing him, then in a chair with us in the room, etc. Now we do self-directed ones. He goes to his room to cool off and can come out when he's ready to be nice and respectful. A lot of time it's simple frustration and not knowing exactly how to express it - help him find avenues. My husband didn't like that I taught my son to hit his pillow - he thought it was better to have him quash his angry hitting feelings. But if you do that with one so young, it will come out another way, such as in anxiety and tics. Helping them identify their feelings helps, too. That way, they can tell you they're sad, angry, anxious, etc. Also, my son acted up more when he was tired, had to go potty or was thirsty. I would ask him those questions so the steps could be taken. Even today at six, he will say, "Mommy, I feel anxious." I will ask him if he needs to go to the bathroom or is thirsty. It's usually the bathroom. I guess they have a hard time identifying when they have to go at this age, especially when they have Sensory Disorder, like ds has, and they don't realize it until it gets more urgent. The other thing we did was pull out an old small trampoline, the kind you exercise with. Whenever he got out of hand and we could see it building, we'd tell him to go jump it off. It really worked most of the time! Still does. Let him know that it's OK and normal to feel a certain way, but that he has to learn how to deal with it the right way so he doesn't get in trouble (you're finding a benefit for him). You can then do a reward system where you praise him when he does react appropriately, and after maybe three times, he gets a reward. Bribes work well with my son.

AZmama · 05-02-2007, 12:27 AM

I'm a new member here, but am also a fost/adopt parent. Our 3yo son was dx'd FAS, and I believe all four of our other children were exposed to alcohol to varying degrees, in addition to other drugs (alcohol is commonly used to come 'down' from a high, especially in meth use, in my understanding/experience anyway).

We've had our son since birth, he was speech & motor delayed until about a year (rec'd PT & ST), has always been impulsive, but is just now showing other behaviors like Missy describes. I am constantly wracking my brain to try to figure out WHY he's melting down so much these days, etc. And I am constantly researching FASD (as well as in utero meth exposure, neglect, attachment disorders, and all those other things we foster parents WISH we didn't have to become experts on.

Anyway, here are a few of my bookmarked sites for FASD. Missy, I don't know if you still have these children, or if you're even still on the board, but I just couldn't help replying. Maybe somebody will find some help with these sites. FASD is not completely hopeless. Incidentally, I suggest NOT reading Michael Dorris' book....it was written during a time when very little was known about interventions, etc., for FASD, and is very depressing. Spend your time finding HOPE if you think/know you have a child with FASD. (Off my soapbox now...here are the links

http://www.nofas.org/main/index2.htm
FASFetalAlcohol Syndrome
Nutritional Interventions for Children with FASD
How to Help Your Child Sleep Better
FAS ARIZONA

desertmom · 05-02-2007, 01:09 AM

AZmama, welcome to the board! Thank you for sharing the links you posted. Because FASD is a biological, not just behavioral issue, it seems like a professional is best to consult when a child has repeat meltdowns, doesn't it? When one takes in a foster child with concerns like this, don't the states help by supplying, at no charge, a psychologist to help in rearing? If not, it seems it would be doing the child and the parent a huge disservice.

Thank you for your posts!