Exp. Moms, I need advice!

scruggle · **Exp. Moms, I need advice!**

I have a question for the experienced moms. Do you think there could be something wrong with my 3yo? If so, what??
Here's his "symptoms":

he REFUSES to say his name. I can't even trick him into saying it!

He turned 3 in Oct and WILL NOT use the toilet. He won't even tell me if he's wet or soiled. If I ask him, he'll say "no" or "stop asking me that"

He doesn't like his clothes changed but will tolerate it without a fight

He is very set in what he wants. He chose one sandal and one work boot to wear yesturday and threw a giant fit when I told him he couldn't wear it.

He can be really MEAN. Not to hurt people on purpose, though. He'll hit the baby (15 months), my niece, or my older son if they do something he doesn't like. And he'll continue until they cry

He doesn't like people to say certain things or refuses to say certain things for no reason

I know there aren't any real "red flags" but I have worked with hundreds of 3 year olds at Head Start and I know this behavior is not normal. Any suggestions? I don't want to take hime to the DR and have him think I'm nuts. Thanks!

desertmom · 05-07-2007, 07:38 PM

Your doctor won't think you're nuts. He will think you a parent concerned about your child's behavior and asking for guidance. To me, that is the sign of a good parent!

The stuff you have in your list, to me, sounds like a strong-willed child. Nothing really sent up red flags from what I know. BUT, we are not doctors and don't have the full picture. The only thing that really caught my eye was hitting and then he keeps hitting. They hit out of frustration - they need to be taught more acceptable ways to deal w/that. They also hit to see what will happen - will the "victim" scream, hit back, smile? During this time, you do need to supervise more vigilantly to prevent the hitting until he gets a reaction. And teach the victims what to do. Grab his hand, look into his eye and say, "No hitting". Time outs and losing the toy he's hitting with (if there is one) can start working.

When my son was this age, I did call the Dr. for behavioral issues and advice. If you don't like the answer, get a second opinion...I just knew my son wasn't typical. But from this short list, yours just seems like a child that needs to be taught to control his emotions and actions - maturity. But it certainly wouldn't hurt to call - they should be able to tell you how to handle it, too.

blessed_with_6 · 05-07-2007, 07:59 PM

My dr wouldn't refer us for any type of testing until Riley was four. Then, when she finally did it, the psycologist was shocked to find that he had 12 out of 12 symptoms for ADD....at such a young age.

Artie · 05-07-2007, 08:01 PM

I agree with Desertmom. He actually sounds a lot like my 5 year old, and she's just a really strong-willed child. We've had to work with her a lot on learning self-control. Kids also try to "control" things in their environment when they're feeling stressed or out of control. I know things with my dd got much worse after the twins were born (we also moved a couple of times). Can you pinpoint his behavior with some sort of stressor or major change?

If you feel like something is not quite right, then it can't hurt to talk to your pediatrician. Otherwise, I think I would just continue to calmly (calm and firm is the only way to talk to my dd) instruct/punish/redirect.

I hope things get better soon!

scruggle · 05-07-2007, 08:20 PM

Thanks guys. I think that's what I needed to hear. I just want an objective opinion. I can look at kids at work all day long and I'm thinking. "There's an obvious problem, and the parent has no idea". A lot of the time, we can't convince these parents of obvious diabilities (like Autism and speech problems) and I don't want to be the parent who can't see it in her own son, y'know? Thanks. I think I'm going to check out some books about raising strong willed children and see what I can do to begin modifying his behavior. Now, if I could just get him to use the potty before high school.... lol. Thanks again!

blessed_with_6 · 05-07-2007, 08:46 PM

James Dobson has an excellent one on raising boys AND strong willed ones at that!

calmingweight · 05-07-2007, 08:54 PM

Here's a book that I think is really good for strong willed children:

Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child

southern_belle_mommie · 05-07-2007, 08:56 PM

You just described my 3 yr old son (just turned 3 in April) completely. Are we sharing the same kid?!?

Jayden WILL go potty, but we are potty training and I never know day to day how it will be. He will tell me if he's wet or "woo".