Have you taught your child to talk about their "differences"?

desertmom · 05-08-2007, 03:32 AM

I am not at the point yet to explain to my son why he may be seen as different. His therapist and teachers think it's best to wait for now, but I am really starting to doubt that wisdom. They thought it would be a blow to his self-esteem, but he's at the age where he is seeing how people react to him differently. I may end up talking about it in a few months. He knows the term Aspergers, but not in relation to himself. I think it would be good for him to understand himself more as he enters second grade. He can even stand up for himself more if someone asks him why he does something "odd".

Have you discussed it with you child yet? At what age do you think you will, or at what turning point?

calmingweight · 05-08-2007, 09:14 AM

It never occured to me to have a talk with him about being different, I guess because I don't consider him different. He has 2 legs, 2 arms, 2 eyes, etc. So he acts a little strange sometimes, but all kids do. As far as I'm concerned HE's normal and the other kids are different! It's all in your perspective. Is he going to think he's not worthy of friends because he's 'different'? My son knows what he has, and he just shrugs it off, it's just part of who he is. I couldn't imagine him any other way. (btw - he has Tourette Syndrome and is in 2nd grade. Last year the nurse did an evaluation on him and asked some of the classmates about him, the general response was 'yeah, he does that a lot' like it was no big deal)

KathrynHannah · 05-08-2007, 11:18 AM

Our pediatrician told him and handled so well I could have kissed him .. but that wouldn't have looked good.

Ds is 8 and the pediatrician told him, "Every kid has things they are good at and things they have a little more trouble with. We think that there is an area of your brain that is having a little trouble and it causes you to have trouble with running, and writing; thing that have to do with your motor control. This is especially hard for you because you have to deal with this every day at school. Some kids aren't good at hockey, and that's ok because when their friends ask them to play hockey, they can just say 'no thanks'. But you are going to have to write and spell in school all the time. This isn't your fault and we are going to work with you to help you learn other ways of doing these things..."

My son knew in his heart that he was different. Now that he knows it's not his fault and we understand he is trying his best, he anxiety has decreased 10 fold.

I'm sure every situation is different though. It sure helped for us.

monkeysmom · **To tell or not too tell . . .**

I think with my 6 (almost 7) year old, she always knew she was a little different than the typical (I hate the word "normal" what is normal? and who decides, typical is more of a numbers word, neither negative or positive) kids. She was diagnosed at 5. We have always talked openly about her diagnoses (SPD, NVLD, GAD) and therapies mainly because I felt it was important that she not feel any shame or think that we were ashamed of her, because we most definitely aren't. We talk about different things as they come up and we always stress the things that she excels at and try to help her with her difficulties. My only problem is simplifying my answers enough so that she can understand what we are talking about.

I am always for honesty, but you know your child better than anyone else, and you'll know when you should tell them about themselves (I'm betting they already know).

goin24/7 · 06-06-2007, 06:09 PM

Just curious how oldd is your son desertmom? I think you should do it when you feel it's appropriate. You know your son better than anyone else, I'm sure you will be able to find the words to do it in a way that will not jepordize his self esteem.

DivaDownAspie · 06-12-2007, 09:58 AM

My son is 7.. he doesn't really take it in when I talk about asperger's ; he'd rather go play chess, or civilization and talk bout the treaty and war.. of the country he named "catherine" yep.. i don't know when it will come up but when we were talking to my son about his brother who has downsynrome.. he said to him in a funny deep voice.. "DO YOU HAVE DOWN SYNDROME????!?!?" it was funny.. to my first son my second will always be a baby.. yep that is what it means to him. Wait till he is 30..