The time has come for Tommy's first heart catheterization on Monday and I am nervous. I know this is a routine procedure, but I am worried the trach will complicate things. I am also worried about the outcome itself. His sats (amount of oxygen in his blood) have been dropping slowly as expected, and he looks more blue every day. He also gets tired faster. He used to be go, go, go with his therapists and now he spends a lot more time resting.

This cath is going to tell us how long we have (or don't have) until open heart surgery. To be honest, the first time he went through this, it was nowhere near as scary. He was a preemie newborn, and I was in shock he was even here, much less going through surgery. When he has his cath Monday, it will be 8 months to the day since his last surgery. I have had 8 long months to get to know him, bond with him, love him, watch him meet difficult milestones. I know in my head that surgery is coming. I knew before he was born we would go through this 3 times before he is "repaired". But now that the time is drawing near, I just want to wish it all away. I don't know if I can stand the look in his eyes when he comes out of the sedatives after surgery and he wants to know in own tiny way, why he has to go through this!

I get so disgusted with the universe. Tommy was a planned, wanted, and anticipated pregnancy! I took care of myself before and after I found out I was pregnant. I know, the doctors all say it's not my fault, that 1 in every 100 babies will have a heart defect. So why my baby? Why did I have to join the club against my will? I keep getting knots in my stomach knowing surgery is coming, and yet knowing it's the only thing that will make him well. And it all starts on Monday....

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There are more than 40 different types of congenital heart defects. Little is known about the cause of most of them. There is no known prevention or cure for any of them.
My Blog:Musings of a Heart Family

Big hugs Rene... I'm so sorry you all have to go through this. I can't imagine how unbearably scary this must all be. I will be praying hard for Tommy and your family. No one has the answers to those very tough questions, it's not fair that a beautiful little baby has to go through all of this. But just think, there was a time when they couldn't "fix" these little ones and now they can and that is a blessing.

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. My bf's dd was also a preemie, and even had a trach for 4 years, and many surgeries. It is sooo hard on them. I pray that all goes well for sweet Tommy. ((HUGS))

Bless your heart, I don't blame you for being scared. It will probably go okay, but anytime one of our kids are worked on it's scary, and more so when you doing something with the heart and with such a small child. I'll be praying that the procedure goes well and you get some helpful answers for his problems. ray:

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I can only imagine what you are going through right now. Everything is going to be okay. Have faith in God. Keep us posted of what's going on.WE will keep you in our prayers.

We will keep you in our prayers. Be strong and remember that this will make Tommy stronger. ray:

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Mommy to Bryce 2/20/2005 and Skye 3/4/2008

Praying for your strength. Praying for your Tommy.

Please let us know how you're both doing.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Tommy and your family tomorrow!!!

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~Happiness is a large family~

I will be praying for you. I had no idea the # was 1 in 100. I am grateful every day for my two tornadoes, and this confirms why. Many good wishes and prayers for you guys.

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I will be praying for you, your family, the doctors and especially Tommy. I know how you feel....there are some days when I feel the same way and ask the same questions. But I have to remember that everyday is a new day to spend with your miracle baby. Tomorrow will be a day filled with many emotions, but remember that when Tommy wakes up from sedation he will see you, his mommy, the one who loves him unconditionally, soothes hims, takes care of him and he will see the love in your eyes and know that everything will be ok and that he will be taken care of. Many hugs to you and your family....I will be prayingray: ....what time is the surgery?

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Jen
mom to angel baby Clayton