"So, HE takes a pill for YOUR benefit, huh?"....Would this make YOU mad?

blessed_with_6 · 07-08-2007, 09:24 PM

My 6 year old is ADD...and has been on medication for almost 3 years. He is now a "normal" little boy, where before he was a holy terror, no matter what we did. He is also an extremely emotional little guy, admitingly extremely clingy to us, and more whiney at times than our other children. We know that part of this is his medicine...but most of it is probably just his personality, ya' know? Well, this morning, I was asked what about taking him off for a while to see what happens. I said no. When asked why, I said because I am the one who has to deal with him, lives with him, and sees what he is like off of it. I then got asked the title's question...."So, HE takes a pill for YOUR benefit, huh?". Who asked???

MY DH.

How would YOU feel? I was totally blown out of the water. You can call me fat, call me ugly, call me a bad housekeeper, lover, etc, but you do NOT question me on being a mommy. It is WHO I AM. It literally defines me...and to have ANYONE, much less my HUSBAND say such a thing....to make me feel like I am putting MY needs above those of my child??? I am PISSED. I was literally sick to my stomach, skipping breakfast altogether and have cried on and off all day. I told him it was an attrocious thing to say to me..the very worst..and he just said I took it wrong. I don't see any other way TO take it. I have barely spoken to him for the entire day...and I don't want to. I don't want him touching me or even in the same room with me. I am 100% completely deflated, and I am just not sure where to go from here.

My heart is in a million scattered pieces.

Stacey Chambers · 07-08-2007, 09:33 PM

Yikes Jennifer-I don't know what to say to that. I know that my BF her 6 year old boy has ADHD and he is on medicine but she is also having him do therapy & she hasn't gotten much support from her dh or his parents. They just say that it is just a discipline problem-but with him it is more than that. I am sorry that your husband said that to you. I would probably be upset too if my dh had said that to me also. Take a couple of breaths & try to talk to him tonight or tomorrow-but don't talk to him while you are still mad. Sorry girl-hugs being sent your way.

lorie · 07-08-2007, 09:34 PM

(((HUGS)))

I completely understand how upset you are, especially because of who made the comment.

Now, Remember that you are a great mother. You know that you are doing the best for your child, your instincts are correct.

I'm wondering why he asked to stop the medication? Did someone else say something to him?

Just rest in the fact that you have your childs best interests at heart.

Many of us have gone through the ringer with our families questioning us about our kids.

Has he apologized yet?

(((HUGS)))

Jillypoo · 07-08-2007, 09:44 PM

Jennifer,
((((((((((Hugs))))))))))
I am so sorry that he said that to you and that you are feeling so upset about it. i think I would be angry myself if my dh had said that to me. I wish I had some great words of wisdom but unfortunately I do not. You are the one with this child 24/7 and you know what he is like (was like) without his meds and i know your dh travels a lot with work so If you do him off then you are the one dealing with the terrible behavior. Yes it is trying especially when you have other children to tend to, but i do not think he is on his meds for your benefit it is for him to be able to live like a normal child not one who is un-controllable. he is obviously under a Dr's supervision and if the Dr. does not think that he needs a break from his meds I wouldn't mess with it because I know it can take a while to get back the meds so that they are working properly.

Hugs my friend. I hope that you and your dh can work this out. I will pray for you and him and this situation.

Jodie · 07-08-2007, 10:42 PM

I am so sorry that he hurt you like that.

No one wants their children to have to be on medications forever but if it is the thing that helps that child to function then it is needed. Doesn't your husband remember how your child behaved prior to the meds and how it's better now? Sure life is probably better for you as his parent but i'm sure your son feels better about himself now that he's able to control himself more. Again i'm really sorry.

taylyn · 07-08-2007, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jodie

. Doesn't your husband remember how your child behaved prior to the meds and how it's better now? .

I was wondering the same thing

Didn't he want him on medication to begin with ??

desertmom · 07-08-2007, 11:18 PM

The ignorance shines through, and the Frying Pan Brigade is at the ready. He obviously has NO CLUE how it feels to be in that little boy's mind and body and have to deal with the jumble that is there when he's not on the meds. He really needs to get educated and perhaps talk to someone with ADD that is an adult so they can describe the difference with and without the meds.

I think it's nasty and stupid dh month. Mine's there, been there and is only getting worse.

summeranne · 07-08-2007, 11:54 PM

Ugh, we're going through this with DD (almost) 8. Doc wants her off over the summer to boost her appetite, problem is her appetite stabalizes after three days off so we're no getting any benefit over just doing weekends off... So I'm putting her back on, it's so not worth the stress.

I deal with this ignorance from my in laws all the time, they are to lazy to bother learning about their grandchilds condition, they just throw out preconcieved notions. I cured my both my mom & my stepmom of this by not sending medicine with DD to spend the night so they could see how she goes from Dr Jekyll on day 1 to Mr Hyde when she wakes up the next morning.

Maybe it would take not giving your son his medication on a day when your husband is going to be home all day to open his eyes?

Stormy · 07-09-2007, 06:23 AM

Some people are just clueless.

I try not to get into conversations with anyone who I think may start judging me about my parenting abilities. Usually they don't have and children

and are 'perfect parents'!

Ok I didn't see the end of your post...gosh I don't even know what to say.

momof4 · 07-09-2007, 07:16 AM

My oldest has ADHD and Tourettes Syndrome and has been on his meds since he was 6 (now 15). When he first started going on the meds (the first couple of years) we used to take him off them in the summer and then put him back on right before school started. However, right before one summer HE asked the doctor not to take him off - because HE didn't like the person he was off of them!!

DS's treatment is a little tricky though...we can't treat both of his "problems" together, we can only treat one at a time...and unfortunetly, if we treat the ADHD, his TS gets worse...so alot of his treatments - we just had to deal with the outcomes. Since he's gotten older...a lot of his symptoms have gone away with the TS (he only had a mild case of it)...

But as far as DH stating that he needs to be on the meds because YOU want them on them...then my suggestion...take him off of them and then go away for a week so he can deal with you DS all by himself. Not only will your DH have a problem with your DS in handling him...DS will soon learn not to like the person he becomes when he is off of them.