Hi,
I'm a major lurker and an occasional poster. I wanted to see if anyone had ideas when mom (me) is in overload and feels worn out, exhausted and a little sad.

I have an almost 4 year old with speech issues, sensory issues, social issues and possibly add. He goes to ot every other week and speech 2x a week. He also takes a special yoga class for kids like him. I also have a 2 year old that is normal...but a 2 year old.

I feel so worn out right now and so behind. I should be doing listening therapy 2x a day with my snds, speech exercies, his ot brushing, heavy work, hand strenghting exercises and writing work. I shuttle him to a therapy almost every day and I just feel like I'm at my breaking point. The straw was trying to make the decision to send him to private school. I think he is going to have to go for a few years but I just don't know where we are going to get the money. The problem is my son is so bright that he qualifies for very little through the public school system. The speech therapist did every test she could to try to qualify him because she knows he needs the help. But on paper, he looks to good to get much help.

So, any ideas on how to reengerize me and get my spirits up would be much appreciated.
Thanks,
Sue

I am sorry to hear you are going through so much. I have found when I am at the breaking point, I benefit from a good old fashioned temper tantrum. Go to your room, lock the door and just scream, cry, throw (unbreakable) things. Cuss at the walls, let it all out! After 10 or 15 minutes, I am ready to face what I have to do.

As far as what the school provides, my 8 year old had speech and ADHD issues to deal with when he started school. Speech is covered by the school,but nothing else related to his ADHD. It did, however, qualify him for an IEP! At the IEP meeting, we were able to add things to benefit him on both aspects, including riding the special needs bus. I did this because we lived in a bad neighborhood and he was prone to fights. The SN bus allowed him to be picked up and dropped off at the front door.

(((BIG HUGS))), I know it's hard! I will be thinking about you!

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Hi Saversue and welcome to the SN forums! Everyone is always welcome to lurk and when ready just join in, even if it is one thing. We are here to offer support and even just a good shoulder sometimes.

Kudos to you! It sounds like you have a full schedule and doing a super job. One person can't be all things at one time. Please do me a favor and give yourself a big hug because you deserve it. It is hard...really hard. Don't discount what you do and how hard you work to help your son and family. What do you do for yourself? Do you have "me" time? Do you have a favorite food that only you like? I eat raw chocolate chip cookie dough! What can you do for you that is just for you? Please do it!

Having a SN child is hard and emotionally draining. It is also very rewarding and I get the biggest kick out of the littlest things my DS does. He is wonderful and sure love him, but wow, I am tired. I get into these little times when I just feel like having a pity party for me. I am in one right now. So I had a dark beer, a good meal, cleaned my house and then took a shower and cried my eyes out. Hard. Ok, I do feel better. Nothing has changed but for some reason it helps.

I am sorry you have to go thru this and you are doing a super job. Take care of you so you can take care of your son.

Blessings, April

I'm so glad you're here.

We all know what you're going through, and I'm so glad you've gotten the answers you have so far. I need to run, but I will be back, as I'm learning, and am happy to share what works for ME. You can take away what you want from it.

The first thing: Professional massage. It sounds like a luxury, but I signed up for this program where I had to go once a month - I locked myself into a year contract. Stupid financially, but I'm glad I did it. The year is over, and I keep it up, and dh agrees. For one Saturday each month, I go for an hour and a half massage, then go and get a Starbucks or go to Barnes and Noble ALONE. I'm like a new person.

Even going to the grocery store ALONE is huge. I don't get out much, and getting out really changes your perspective.

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I agree with this one. Sometimes you just NEED to get away. From EVERYONE. Sometimes I wait for Dh to come home and then I take a leisurely trip to Publix, or WalMArt if Publix is already closed. Or sometimes just drive around the neighborhood and look at people's landscaping. My ds has cerebral palsy and when he was little he had the brushing program. Brush him every hour or something like that. Plus transporting him to Ot and PT, special preschool, excercises at home....there was no way I could do anything but tend to him. It was exhausting. I started to realize that I could only do what I could do, some things the therapists, docs, teachers, etc were asking me to do were too much. So I'd stretch out the time a little between brushings, try to carve out a little time here and there. Realize that even though you have a lot of things that people are asking you to do with your son, that you may not be able to do all of it exactly as they'd like you to. Try to do as much as you can and if you have to adjust some of it, then do it. As I'm getting older I've gotten more vocal about therapy times, etc. I'll tell them a certain time is not good for me and they'd have to give me another time slot. In the early days, I just went when they told me to, even if I was rushing like a maniac from one thing to another. It doesn't get easie, r but I think as the years go by you get more used to it, take it more in stride.

I'm sending good wishes your way. Take care of yourself.

I have a daughter with most of the same issues that you have. The difference is she is 9. I did all the stuff you did, but finally, about age 5, it began to pay off. At six, she really started to make HUGE progress.

My daughter could not say her first name until after she was four. She did not potty train until 4 years, 4 months. There is no intelligence deficiency, just almost the exact things that you are dealing with.

At about age 6, she really started to make tremendous progress. Keep at it, it does work, it just takes time. This past school year, (3rd grade), she finally worked at grade level, but needed my help to make sure she did all her work. (I had to pick her up from school about twice a week and go through her desk, talk to her teacher, etc.) She qualifies for speech therapy and a social skills class. I took her out of OT because it was only 20 minutes every two weeks. I put her in ballet, trampoline, and gymnastics classes once a week after school. I saw a huge improvement in her this year.

I did not see a great improvement in my daughter until she was about six as I stated before. Just keep plodding along, day after day. I couldn't always do everything I was supposed to do either. I did my best. Just do your best and keep at it.

The funny thing is that the years have just flown by. I wish I had tried to enjoy her more when she was little instead of just seeing it as work, work, work. I loved her and played with her, but I wish I had been able to think about it differently and just enjoyed being with her while we were doing all the work, work, work. Try to see him as a person and enjoy him while you are working through the checklist every day. Because I was so stressed about the checklist, I feel like a missed out on enjoying her being little.

I know this might not be of that much help, but I think if I had been able to change my attitude (since I couldn't change my circumstances), I might have had an easier time.

That said, try to: go out with a friend once a week; go shopping by yourself; get a massage, pedicure, manicure; just do something without your kids for 2-3 hours. Even going to the library and reading a book in peace is something. My husband was working 80-90 hours a week when my daughter was little, so I didn't get much of a break from her. When I did, it was wonderful. If I had been in a position to get more "me time", I think I would have coped better. At birth, she cried at least 12 hours a day and only slept 5-6 hours in a 24 hour period. I thought I would go crazy.

I put her in a regular pre-pre-school when she was two for three mornings a week from 9-12. The pre-school/ daycare where I sent her would take kids as soon as they turned two whether potty-trained or not into a pre-pre-school class situation. Without that 9 hours a week as soon as she turned two, I would have gone bonkers. She wouldn't be part of the two-year-old class and just roamed around at pre-school that first year. They just let her roam around the class and didn't stress about it. Since they did daycare from infants on, they had other kids aged 1-2 who couldn't be part of a class either, but were still walking. If you could find a daycare a few hours a week that would just give you a break like I did, that would help. Without that, I would not have been able to cope. (That includes both your children, you need a break from kids.) If you have family nearby (I was in South Africa), maybe someone in your family would give you say three hours a week if you can't afford the daycare for a break.

I only know how I coped in my situation of being in a foreign country away from family with a husband who worked such long hours. Try to find some time for you, a complete break from your kids, in what is doable in your particular family and financial situation. Just don't give up. It will get better.