Discussing conditions w/my sn child

desertmom · **Discussing conditions w/my sn child**

Well, my son is 8, and has heard ADHD, ADD, Aspergers and other things bantered about around him. It's hard for him not to pick up on such things. He's already told me he has a hard time making and keeping friends, that other kids aren't always nice to him (grrrr) and that he thinks differently than other kids.

I got a great book on ADHD that made him laugh that we read on a recent car trip. I'll get the title and share it with you. (Most of my books come from Amazon - great selection, I can read reviews, and they have the best price, plus no sales tax.)

Anyway, I got a book called "Aspergers, Huh?", and while I'm not thrilled with all of it (they talk about how his mom's crying because of embarrassment (I got over that a while ago), using the word stupid, etc.), it's got some decent points. I'm trying to introduce him to the concept of why he's who he is, while also pointing out the differences between him and other Aspies who are labeled more "severe" - he's considered mild. I also let him know what he can control and what may be involuntary.

But it's so hard! It is helping him understand why he is different and how some of what he does is perceived by others - such as talking too much, not being flexible, etc. But I can't help but put myself in his shoes. First it's confirmed that yes, you are different, which is good and bad, but at least it's on a path of why he's treated differently. I'm also trying to keep a positive spin on it. His brain works faster than others, but he's very intelligent - we need to get it to slow down and focus.

Parenting is a hard journey, isn't it?

autismmom · 05-10-2008, 07:58 PM

Funny, I was just talking about this to my friend yesterday. We were discussing about how do explain their conditions to them. Her DS has realized that he will always be different and that he will never be like the other kids. My DS is having the problems with the fact that the other kids are making fun of him.

desertmom · 05-10-2008, 08:21 PM

That is tough. I spoke with DS' teacher about perhaps talking to the class about differences and how my son may be different, but still has feelings, blah blah blah, even offering to come in and talk to them myself (without my son in the room). However, she felt it would put even more focus on him. I'm on the fence right now about this. I think at this point, they know who he is, but knowing and accepting who he is isn't the same as accepting him. He's at the age where he's not as oblivious to others' reactions, and I know he'll start shutting others out, which is not what I want for him. It also causes social anxiety and negativity.

What's the answer? I still think it needs to be handled by the teacher, every teacher, in the classroom. I spoke about this at my son's IEP. I stated that kids know about xx in the school, another little boy whose disabilities are obvious. Because they are obvious, he doesn't get teased as much. His classmates are very protective of him and if someone does tease this kid, the classmates gang up and tell off the bad guy (my son was one of those who protected this child). But with my son, the disability isn't so obvious, so he just gets labeled. They don't want to "draw attention" to his differences or his disabilities, but you know what? They are there. This is one reason I'm starting to talk with him about it, so he can understand it and stand up for himself, hopefully being able to explain who he is without being defensive. I'm making this up as I go, but I know I'm not the only one facing this issue. It just seems the schools are further behind than we parents are. All we can do is trial and error, but it's hard making our kids the guinea pigs. What if we're wrong?