Being a mom is hard, and being a mom with a special needs child can be even more challenging. I know it's already been said that each of us makes the choices we feel are best for our family, and that's very true. While some may (or may not) be judging whether or not you choose to BF, homeschool, or feed your kids sugary cereals and sodas, I'd like to think most of us are above that. I'd hope so anyway. It can be very irritating to feel as though someone is judging you when they have no clue about your situation though (I've been there). The thing to keep in mind on a message board is that it's hard to really know what message people are trying to give when you can't see facial expressions or hear vocal tones. Smilies only go so far. Most of us are just doing the best we can, and I don't think that's anything anyone needs to apologize for. (For the record, I'm a vegetarian SAHM who limits sugary cereals and all 3 girls got as much breastmilk as I could give them....these are the choices I made, but I would NEVER judge someone else for making different choices....that would be unfair).

I worked very hard to breastfeed my first, and it made my bfing my second a breeze, comparitively. From your postings, does that mean my work isn't over? I can't just skate through now and still be called an awesome mom? DARN! Here I thought my boobs got me somewhere again.

Anyway, you knew I just had to put my 2cents in, although it's not needed, as others have so eloquently responded. Basically, if I see a post where I highly disagree, but it's not worth my responding, or I simply don't want to debate, or just think is silly, I know I have the choice of just skipping it, and I do, sometimes. It seems to me that the ones who are so negatively competitive actually weed themselves out, as a lot of us really don't take the bait. I know there are websites out there that are just itching for a fight, and am happy this is not one of them. I was very active on another parenting board before joining here, and slowly weaned away because it was just seeming to get nasty. I recently checked it out again and am so glad I left. Talk about flaming!!
I actually am going for mother of the year (or of my kids' years) and need all the help I can get! I know there are others like me in that respect; therefore, we share our heartbreaks, accomplishments and challenges. We bounce ideas off each other. We also realize our trophies for this are our children, and they won't realize it for many years.:D

Public school is the best choice for my son at this point, with its resources. However, there are many days I do indeed feel like I'm sending him to, as you put it, "the executioner." I'm having an issue right now where they are not responding in the way I feel is sensitive to our issues. The playground monitors are fibbing, yet saying my son is not telling the truth, so the principal thinks he is manipulating me. The kid is 6!
In my time here, I haven't sensed anyone putting down our educational choices. In fact, I think most of our members pride themselves on respect for one another. Lively debates do rage, but for the most part are respectful. Our moderators strive to keep it that way and will warn anyone who flames inappropriately. With a subject like education, my feeling is that the posts seem to be more of a justification and a sharing than a fight and a judgement. I feel the homeschoolers are sharing why they homeschool, rather than actually judging those of us who don't. Lord knows I wouldn't trust myself to homeschool. I think I'm intelligent, but not that intelligent. I can only imagine the time and effort that these parents put into it, and they must be MUCH more organized than I am. It is not a choice for me, and I don't wish it to be, but I'm glad that those who find it a good alternative have the freedom to do it. When someone posts about things like sugared cereal and sodas, they are simply raising a subject or wondering how others live. Right or wrong, our opinions aren't going to sway them otherwise.

I think we all share our lives and get a glimpse of how the other lives. Many of us are struggling with our children, whether special needs or not. We all had, have or will have potty training issues. There are people who are trying to have children who would love to have our problems. (Yes, take our problems!! Just not our kids.) However, we use this board as our outlet and to help enrich our own and each others' lives. You may not have household tips for us, as you said, but you do have other tips. I know you've already given me some great ones!

I, too, may be naive, but I just don't sense meanness and unfriendly competition on this board. Even the MILFs are doing it in fun. I think we're just too busy running our own lives to be competitive with others in cyberspace. Besides, some of us already have enough with SILs and MILs and Dhs! JMHO.

I first saw this post when it did not have a response and, honestly, I did not see where you got this from. Now that there are responses, I honestly still don't. Maybe I missed some posts that were competitive? I did not read the cereal post because, well, my kids don't eat cereal so I didn't care about it. Maybe that was it. . .

Anyways, I am sorry if you feel judged or think there are people one upping each other here. After three children I have noticed that people do that all the time whether here or elsewhere. The most common subject that people try to one up themselves that I find, well, silly, is potty training. Potty training does not show intelligence if you do it earlier or later and nobody is ever going to ask 20 years from now, "How old were you when you potty trained?" I truly think kids just do it when they want to and parents should just chill out! But, back to your thread. . .

I have not noticed that on this board. I am sorry you have. I do know, from experience, that when life gives us a challenge whether it is a special needs child (which I think all children are - just some are more severe than others) or surgery or death in our family or something, it is hard to look past that sometimes. I know after my surgery, watching people go about their daily lives while I was struggling to move and could not get out of bed was difficult. It was so frustrating and I wanted them to notice that life was not normal for me - far from it! It is a very difficult situation to be in and very frustrating. Maybe that is how you are feeling dealing with your child and the life you have been given right now.

You are a great mom. Do I agree with the parenting style or techniques of the moms on here? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Do I say something? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on the mood of the day, the time constraints I have, the ferver I feel on the subject, whatever.

Just know you are a great mom, I am sorry you are feeling bad about things, but we are all here for each other. Sometimes the mundane is a good thing, but if you are feeling overwhelmed, sometimes it is easy to forget others are in the mundane.

I think this statement says it all!

And Cru5h, I just love you! You absolutely crack me up. Well said too!

Celtic Faerie,

First of all it sounds like you need a big hug. (((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))

I'm one of those mommies that is afraid of everything. I wish I weren't, but I'm "afraid" that if I don't do it all right and my kids suffer for something I did, I won't be able to live with the guilt. I don't judge anyone for not being like me, frankly, I wish I weren't like me. I didn't know anything about children before I had mine. I never changed a diaper or fed a baby. Being an only child, it's just the way it was. So with my first, I pretty much did everything by the book. I stayed hostage in my home for one full year because I breast fed and was shy about doing it in public. I never offered a food one day early. I freaked over every little bump. And ran at every little peep. I held my son's hand while he slept for the first few months of his life so I would be there if he stopped breathing. You name it, I did it. I was so nervous about every little thing that you know what I got, I very nervous little boy, who unfortunately is just like me. I'm trying to deprogram him now.

Now with my second, I was to tired and busy to do all of the little things I did with my first. Things were looser and we often flew by the seat of our pants. In turn, I have a laid back little guy who doesn't let much bother him at all. We live and learn.

It's a struggle for me daily to try to loosen up. I do it because I don't want my children to have all the irrational fears I have. I want them to step out into the world and enjoy it. I can't always do that. When I hear news stories like the school shooting this week or stories of bullies or molesters, I get the earge to scoop up my children and homeschool them. When I heard of priests who do awful things, it confirmed for me that I would not send my kids to a Catholic church, same with boy scouts. We eat whole grain and organics because I'm afraid they will have future health problems if I don't. I frequently ban meat from our house.

When reading some of my posts, you might think, "she's one of those mom's trying to be perfect." I'm not, I'm just a mom who want's the best for my kids and am afraid of what will happen if I don't do it all right. It's like having a thousand balls in the air and being terrified of what will happen if I drop one. Do I judge anyone else that gives their children "coco puffs?" (lol) No, I lived on sugar cereal and Campbells soup and healthwise, so far so good.

We're all moms, we all struggle to do it all everyday and we are here to support each other. You never really know what angle people are coming from when they post on a topic. So before we decide that someone is judging, try to see past the words and think of why they are saying what they are. It might not be what you think at all.

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The mighty oak started out as a nut that held its ground.

Mitz, you sound so much like me it is amazing. The only difference I see is that my child, while a little different, is not really considered special needs.

Thanks! I will tell you my non special needs child is more needy. So, trust me I understand. He is easy to handle it is the professionals that drive me crazy!


Watch for another post tonight or early tomorrow. I really want to get to know all of you better. This was a great way for me to figure out who I could relate to on this board.
Hugs!

"old Navy tagless tees!" gosh that brought back memories of Trudy (my autistic sister) tearing out the tags in her shirts LOL She ALWAYS had ahole in the back. Sending hugs I have 4girls and I am way far from mother of the year

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Casey loving wife to Steven mom to 4 bratty girls Amanda, Rebecca, Jessica and Makayla
Where did my baby go

hey i think your doing a great job and no my kids don't have autism but they suffer with asthma, i always tell my self i am just trying to survive one day. your son is very lucky to have you, don't you let others make you feel bad keep your head up high! Jen