I have chosen here to release my frustration. Yet, I may post this on another room. I joined mommysavers after being on another message board site. People tended to be more active on this one. I am new on mommysavers and I am so happy to have a special needs board.
As some of you know my ds is on the autism spectrum. So, school and every day activities can be challenging this is my complaint.

It seems like some members are trying to go for mother of the year. They try to out "mommy each other" like there is a trophy awaiting them. The act like if you are sending your child to a public school instead of homeschooling, you are sending them to the executioner. I homeschooled for a year not by choice. There are some good points. But not all homeschooled kids are ahead and many will not be able to pass the test to get a high school diploma.

I did not go to "mommy and me " classes. My ds was so scared of people that he would have screamed the whole time.
I do feed my child sugar cereals and allow him to have candy. He does not react any different when he has it. Frankly, If he puts a food in his mouth and swallows it. It is a victory and I stock up on it.

There are so may clothes that make him itch. That if an item of clothing does not make him fidget or scratch and stays on his body. I buy one in every color. Thank Goodness for Gap and old Navy tagless tees! Yes I have bought gymboree things for when he was younger. But it wasn't to prove that I was a good mom. It was because he couldn't escape their overalls.

I do not own a mini van ( no offense to those who do ) But, I can't help but cringe when I read about moms complaining about car pooling. I would love to have a van full of kids to pick up after a game. Unfortunately my son's motor skills prevent him from playing.Even though he wishes he could keep up and play.

I wish I had another present to buy for a child's birthday. Because he is in a special needs class. All the kids that have parties in his class just invite each other. I wish he would get an invitation, just because he had a true friend that didn't judge him.

I wish my husband didn't have to work two jobs. But one of us has to be available for appts. meetings and the occasional bad day.
I wish I had household tips for you. Right now the laundry is going, with a pile to be folded on the floor. The dishes from this morning are in the sink because my dd forgot to unload the dishwasher and I am tired of doing her chores.
I am not a perfect mom, I am just doing my best, I would give my life for my kids and I couldn't live without them. My life is hectic and I know you all can relate. Sometime I wish I could take the "problems" moms of " normal" kids have, and show them what's it like to be us.
But then you would have to take our kids and I know no one here would give them up. I guess I will have to settle with not being so perfect.
Thanks for letting me vent,
Mitz

Vent away! I don't know of any maom or any family that is "perfect" regardless to if they have a special needs child or not. Your life has adapted to certain aspects and you deal with it the best you can - don't let other families put you down for the sacrafices you have made! I know your dreams have been altered, but you kids are very lucky to have two parents that will bend over backward for them!!!!

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I feel the way you do sometimes too!!! I would never homeschool (I think my kids are getting a great education), I (gasp) work full time away from home and am happy with it, my kids pretty much eat what they want to (and are very healthy too!),I do not buy namebrand clothing, I was so excited that my introverted 7 yr old finally got invited to a b day party!!!!

I am not sure what actually constitues special needs. My children and grand child have what I consider some special needs, but I know it is nothing compared to what you have to deal with daily.

Big hugs to you!!! We are all great mommies who want what is best for OUR own family!!!

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~Happiness is a large family~

Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. James 1:19

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24

I so understand how you are feeling, I don't own a mini van, we own a little very old car, we don't live in the burbs, we live in a high crime rated city, we don't buy name brand clothes unless they are on sale, we live paycheck to paycheck, my son is somewhat special needs, he isn't diagnosed with anything, but does need special attention if that makes sense.

Sometimes I feel judged because I don't live in the burbs in a perfect beautiful big house with a pool, and perfect this and perfect that.

Ok if you are venting about my post last week about homeschool looking better and better, let me just tell you I was scared. Crying and shaking in my boots scared, this shooting happened REALLY close to home. I came home held my kids, watched the news and cried. My girls are my life, I never new I could love someone as much as I love my 2 girls. I know that I can't protect them from everything, I wish. I come from a very small town population1200 where this sort of stuff doesn't happen so you have to realize how I feel/felt.

My Dearest CelticFaire,

I am almost in tears reading your post. It touched me to the core and how we are judged by others in this society by what we have and have not. Or how our kids behave or not, or so many other stupid things that when it all adds up don't mean a hill of beans.

I live in the country but don't go out because the NT's just remind me of how far off my DS is from NT. I think I have built my fake world that protects Hunter and I from the real one. We hide in Disney and at home. We don't go to parties, well we are never invited because we live in the middle of nowhere. I buy everyones clothes at the church thrift store in Jackson and love when DH buys me something new. I honestly can't see spending so much money on clothes that Hunter will outgrown in 5 months. I find nice clothes for home in the thrift store for me and they last forever.

Life is not always fair but it for the living and so we live each day the best we can. My dear, my prayers and thoughts go to you. We do the best we can, no more no less.

Blessings, April

You really need to give yourself more credit!!! I have worked with many types up special needs children, including different types of autism. My husband is an IBI therapist and almost all of his clients fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. We both agree there is nothing more taxing on a parent than a child who has some type of autism. I know you feel most people don't understand, and your right, they don't. They may see your child doing somthing less than appealing and assume you can't control your child, when the reality is this is the first time you've made a ride of longer then 2 min. without a major incident. The bottom line is you have to define parenting in a whole new way. You have to learn to enjoy the smallest of victories, and I'm sorry to say, you have to have a VERY thick skin, because there is always going to be someone who will say the worst thing possible to, and most likely they will do it without even knowing!!! What state do you lve in??? you may be able to get help not only for your child but for you as well. You really do need all the help you can get, even if you are a supermom, also join as many suppoort groups as you can, the more mothers you can be around who really do get it, the easier it is to put things into perspective. Please know that some people to get it, it sounds to me you are doing an awesome job and that you do everything you can that is best for YOUR child, not someone elses, and isn't that what matters???

I too have noticed the trend with a lot of moms on this forum. And it mirrors real life. The "bad mom vs. good mom" thing is so strong it makes me cringe. I feel like I can't be myself here because I'd have to justify it when it needs none. I've made one really awesome friend on here though, so I'm pretty happy with that. I consistently bite my tongue because there are a lot of things I enjoy about this forum, and I want to share more about myself while learning about others. What I am learning is that fear is driving a lot of moms insane. Fear of everything.

When the fact that someone did not feed their kids sugary cereal becomes the thing that person is proud of, or that they breastfed, or that they put their child in a private school, or that they got their kids into Mommy & Me classes - they've got an inferiority complex going on inside, and it's got everything to do with how a mother feels about herself both as a woman and as a mom. Don't you wish it was that easy to decide whether or not you are a "good mom" or a "bad mom"? Pick a cereal: Cheerios or Cap'n Crunch. Cherrios? Okay, you're a good mom. Here's your badge. You - you with the Cocoa Puffs, you need some work!

A lot of women feel the only good thing they ever did was have children, so everything that has to do with that child has to be perfect because it's all she feels good about. Everything is riding on what she's done right, and anything that didn't fall into the perfection category is "wrong". And I guarantee it's the only thing she'll see. She won't see that her son loves his grandpa, she'll see it as her son not loving her as much. She won't see that her daughter goes to school everyday, she'll see the part where she had to take a bus to get there.

Here's the thing though - no one's parents were ever perfect. So what exactly are they trying for? My mom was an alcoholic for much of my childhood, but she actually recovered in time to give me a decent teenagehood. I don't look back and wish that away. It was watching her get through it that made me see what strength and perseverance was. My mom never hid her human side from me, and that's something I respect more than whether or not I had breastmilk or formula. Do moms REALLY think their kids are going to look back and thank them for a) breastmilk, b) the Mommy and Me classes, c) the unsugared cereal, and d) Gymboree brand clothing? Get. real. What I look back at, and I assume every person eventually does are the important things. If you want to base your mothering on trivial BS, enjoy the headaches. In the long run - NO ONE WILL GIVE A CRAP, not your kids, not your husband, not you.

I think you're on the right track to maintaining a healthy image of yourself in realizing what's REALLY important. It's the connections we make with people that count. Everything else is a distraction. Will your kids remember that you supported their school via fundraisers? No, but they'll remember the way you were always frustrated. They won't know that the frustration came from trying to keep up with your own standards of perfection, but they'll know you were never content with yourself.

deleted because after re-reading it, I sound too whiney.

*hanging head in shame*

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He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it----Martin Luther King, Jr.

I better start getting some counseling, because I am the mom with Cocoa Puffs. Sorry I had to smile when I read that.