What is the polite way to handle a situation?

deemom · **What is the polite way to handle a situation?**

I mean no disrespect, I just want input from mothers of children with special needs. If my dd has questions about a child she sees with special needs is it embarrassing to the parent/child to answer questions in front of them or should I answer them later. What has been your experience?

autismmom · 07-17-2008, 11:19 PM

Personally, I have no problem with you answering the questions. There are some people out there who are offended by that. I think if you keep the answer short and sweet then most people will not have a problem.

desertmom · 07-17-2008, 11:35 PM

I would prefer it be done out of my son's earshot, but I have no problem, and even welcome questions, especially from children. That's the only way they can start to understand the world of a child with special needs, especially one that is neurological, where they may process things differently.

I do teach my son, however, to not ask questions in front of a special needs person, because asking me why someone is in a wheelchair or walking funny could hurt feelings. He's learned and has adhered to it well.

However, if a child came to me and asked questions, I may tell them to go ahead and ask my child. But it depends on what it is.

blessed_with_6 · 07-17-2008, 11:38 PM

I do usually pull my children to the side and tell them I will explain later...but honestly, if I had a child with special needs that others noticed (I have a child with ADD, but medication controls that to where only those of us who live with him really know!), I would think I would be understanding..and willing to HELP explain to anyone who asked.
We have a child at church who is almost 11, almost blind (but isn't made to wear her glasses), is on the autism spectrum, and has an extra chromosome making her (and I hate this term, but here this is the term her drs. use) retarded. In school, instead of learning reading, writing, math, etc, she is learning life skills..how to use a fork, how to wipe after going to the bathroom, how to zip her zipper, etc. My kids accept her as she is because we have been around her for so long, but they ARE starting to ask what is wrong with her. Her parents and grandparents totally think that one day she will be "normal"...and she just WON'T be. They also think it is wrong of people to ask about her...or for other kids to stare at her. I'm sorry, but this is something that she is going to be living with for life..and in my opinion, if they would just say something like, "She can't see very well, and she doesn't learn the same as you or I do..but that is okay because God makes all of us different"...it would answer the questions, perserve the "dignity", and also make everyone more comfortable...INCLUDING the child who has the special needs.

desertmom · 07-18-2008, 12:56 AM

How sad for that child. And this is one reason that the statistics quote that families of autistic children have an 80% divorce rate. I think that's too high, but I know it's a high number. Ignoring doesn't make the problem go away. This is only one reason we don't talk about it to family much.