Are they looking at us?

**Are they looking at us?**

When you go out with your SN child, do you feel that people are looking or making remarks? I feel like the ladies at gymanastics are now looking a bit too long and wispering.

It makes me sad because everyone says I need to get out but go where? I live in a town of 300. My horse is my best friend and if I were to go out, it just makes me feel bad to see all the NT kids and then compare them to my Hunter.

Sorry, just feeling sad today. Anyone else ever go thru this?

Thanks, April

Happymom · 10-28-2006, 07:13 PM

I have no "special needs" children and people still stare if I take all mine out together!!! They whisper and point at all the little stepping stones. Depends on my mood, sometimes it bugs me, sometimes it doesn't.

desertmom · **Staring**

Keep in mind that sometimes people stare because they think our kids are very cute or the kids remind them of their own or someone they love.

I've found the best defense is a good offense. I go up and try to talk to them. They either look guilty, or they turn out to be friendly. If not, you can't stop them and it's their loss for being ignorant. Most of the time, I've found them friendly. I don't think ds will be invited to their birthday party or anything, but at least they know we're human, too. It's amazing how often I find out their children have issues. There was one last night at the Harvest Festival where this happened. In talking with her, I found out her little guy was in first grade for a second time and has ADHD (he was so cute and seemed typical) and her daughter in seventh grade had issues. Come to find out, her son and my son are in the same class and get along. There are a couple of woman who I think were indeed talking about us awhile back, and I just keep smiling and say hi. I'm shy, but last night I walked up to the dad and introduced myself. It ended up being a good conversation. She may still have an issue with us, but I can't change that, can I. Unfortunately, I think her little boy is picking up on it, or I'm just sensitive. Either way, I can only do the best I can. It is hard.

graysonsmommy · 10-28-2006, 09:16 PM

I agree. I think sometimes they stare because it makes them think of someone they know with special needs and they are admiring them. There is a handful though that can be mean and they miss out on some amazing kids!

emmakenzie · 10-29-2006, 09:17 AM

I have no special needs children but wanted to offer my side. I never know whether to look or not look. Sometimes I am afraid if I look, the parent will think I'm judging. Sometimes I'm afraid if I don't and then next to me for awhile, the parent will think I'm ignoring them like I "can't bring myself to look".

Most of the time, I go ahead and look. I believe special needs children are amazing and I love watching them because most of them have that childhood innocence and go about their business without noticing one may look at them differently. (If only we all could be this way!)

jmp2675 · **i am sorry**

I am sorry you have to go through this, my kids get put on predizone alot and it makes them crazy, not to metion they are bigger for there age, so anyway my 4 year old looks like 6 and was growling at a little boy the mom was looking at me like get yur kid under control. so people stare at my kids like they are horrible brats so I kind of know how you feel, you shouldn't be sad, you should just not even let it get to you. Just remember your little one probably doesn't even know they are staring, my kids don't . Hope you feel better.

desertmom · **growling**

My son used to growl at kids when he was three. People are so judgemental. I can see pulling him away if he is frightening them, absolutely. But most of the time, the kids growled back. I had to actually pull him out of Gymboree because of his growling and touching others when another mother complained. I wish they could be inside my child's skin for one day.

Saxton&DJ'sMom · 10-31-2006, 09:57 AM

I have been there. My oldest son Saxton, played baseball this year and my Autistic son DJ would go to the games with us. Out of a team of 20 kids only 3 parents spoke to me. On was a nurse that took care of DJ at the hospital for one of his surgeries. I saw one of the "other" parents at a Kmart and she did everything but run to avoid me. I did get angry at a game one day and spoke "loudly" to my husband about it. It made me feel better and I did notice a couple other people start sitting near us, but not the mom that I was talking about.
I think sometime we as mom's think it isn't ok to tell people who stare or make remarks that our kids have SN. It is ok. The more people who know about your childs SN the more awareness there is. It could help another child/parent in the future. I believe God gives us these WONDERFUL kids for MANY reasons, one of them is to teach others compassion.
I know it's not just us with SN kids that get the "looks". I drove my oldest to school the other day and there was a Van on the side of the road diving very, very slowly with it's flashers on. When I passed it I noticed a little girl walking in front of it. It was plain to see the girl was ticked off. After I dropped my ds off and headed back home I saw that same little girl walking still mad and the van following behind with it's hazard lights on. I did look or "stare" and that mom must have been humiliated by all the stares but I can only hope she didn't miss inturpit it. I was saying the whole time in my car, "Good for you MOM!! Way to go!!!"

golfermom · 10-31-2006, 10:53 AM

April, people do stare but who cares. Stare back, stare and then look them in the eye and smile or wink. My dd had a huge hemanginoma - red bump- on top of her head until she was 5. people stared and whispered and would come up to me and ask questions- dumb ones- like did she fall down and hit her head- i would jsut be calm and factual, and I did stare down the starers. is there any type of social group you could join like at a church or a book club or a bridge club? could you start one? Hugs to you.