Those of you who read my dissertations, I mean posts, know that I'm fed up with teasing and bullying. While I respect ds' teachers deeply, I don't feel enough is being done. You know me, I ain't takin' it lyin' down!

There's one little guy in ds' class who bullies him. I've mentioned before. This guy does have issues, which is why I feel that the teachers and administrators need to watch him even more. He was sent to the principal's office yesterday for ruining his art teachers chair. I thought that is why we have IEPs. Anyway, the other day, this kid was upset that my son kept repeating himself, which my son does because he thinks it's funny (we've told him it's not, but that's another issue). This kid, who has shoved, punched and knocked my son down before, took his backpack and proceeded to stomp on it and kick it around. It broke the backpack, so now I have to buy a new one. OK, that's it. I knew that taking the issue to the school would only get me the runaround (I've suggested a meeting with the parents in the past), so I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I emailed the kid's mom. A very nice email, and even stated that I was uncomfortable in doing so, and wished we had met first. I didn't want to be harsh because I knew it was possible that she, like us, knew her guy had issues and was also doing her best. I got the nicest message back, thanking me for bringing it to her and wanting to pay for a new one, which I told her was not necessary. I just wanted it as a lesson learned and move on. I wanted her to talk to her son about touching others and destroying someone else's property. Yep, she shared that her son has ADHD and they are trying to work through the issues. She is taking money out of his allowance to pay for the backpack. My thing, as I told her, is that I don't want her little guy to get a bad feeling every time he sees my son's new backpack. She agreed they're oil and water, and still gravitate to each other. She is going to have him write a note of apology, which I do think is appropriate.

Bottom line, is I'm telling you this in case you are in the same position. I prefer to take matters into my own hands without being offensive (hopefully) about it. I just can't trust the school to follow through. His teacher, bless her heart, has them separated, but can't be everywhere all the time. She also is probably hesitant in taking the issues to the parent because she already knows they are working on the challenges. This kid's mom volunteers in the classroom, so she knows my son and the dynamics. Maybe I'm being Pollyanna, but she seems like a great mom, and this could be the start of a good solution. There was another episode on the playground about two weeks ago, and they, again turned it around on my son; on how he needs to learn to handle the teasing. Ummm, maybe, but how about STOPPING the teasing in the first place? Grrr Mommy Bear on the prowl.

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I am so glad that you and this other mother were able to resolve things amicably. I know I would appreciate knowing if my son were doing something wrong. Hopefully this will help your child to not be bullied by this kid.

Good for you! I'm so glad that you "spoke" with the other mom. And I do agree that much more emphasis needs to be put on not bullying rather than learning to deal with teasing.

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The mighty oak started out as a nut that held its ground.

Let me tell you something about learning to deal with the teasing. That is total BS!!! This is coming from someone who was teased mercilessly because of my weight from Kindergarten until the day I graduated. I don't care who you are, ignoring the teasing doesn't work. You may tell yourself you can and think you can, but those words are like knives and they cut deep and can last a heck of a long time. I'm 36 years old and still have issues with having been teased.

So, in my opinion do what you think is best and don't depend on the school to help you out. I've been there and done that too. I know back when I was in school there was no "no tolerance" policy but you still have to do what's best for your son.

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I had a parent/teacher conference scheduled for tonight. The teacher told me that this little boy's mom came up to her today, on the verge of tears, and told her about my email. Oh, I felt so bad! BUT...the tears were actually glad ones and ones of relief because I had shared that I, too was dealing with many of the same issues, although our sons had two different areas of concern. She was happy that I came directly to her and did not accuse her or put her son down. Nor that I didn't tell her how to handle the situation; I just asked her if she could speak with him. She told the teacher that she actually felt she finally found someone who was not judging her and her family for her son's impulse control issues, and that I understood that she was doing the best she could. I think we all know that feeling. The teacher stated how happy she was that I did it directly and didn't tear her little boy down.

Momma Bear is going to stay nice and warm in her den for now. I actually feel grown up tonight.

By the way, ds' report was wonderful. The qualifier, though, is that he is performing at the top of what he is able to. Staying focused is an issue, which we are all working on. The good thing is she said that everyone in class likes him (including, yes, the problem child). That was so encouraging to me, because Asperger's children have so many social issues. I've got to think of a couple of nice gifts for Christmas for this teacher and the Resource teacher that will show our true appreciation, but are appropriate and won't break the bank. I truly feel both are not just doing their jobs. They have also worked hard to ensure the administration rallies around the needs they see. My son would be so lucky if all his future teachers were like this and cared so much. I don't feel bad about my school taxes this year!!

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You guys, here's another update on the little guy who has been bullying my son. My email to his mom has opened up some doors. She has shared some of her challenges and I've let her know that I've been there. My guy is just, thankfully, way past that. This poor mom, she seems overwhelmed with him. Here's the latest.

I will call her little guy Joey, just for fun. He used the bathroom pass Friday, and when he returned it, it was very wet. The teacher commented that if we get the pass wet, we must dry it off before returning. Well, another kid, who was with Joey in the bathroom, reported that Joey had peed on the pass. Not only that, what happened was that he went into a stall, hung up the pass on the hook and peed on the pass and the stall! He also had marks all over his shirt, which turned out to be pee. This is the same kid who was sent to the principal's office for ruining the music teacher's chair. The classroom teacher does not believe in doing that, however, which is fine, because not everyone knows he is a special needs child and that could be damaging. My son doesn't think he got punished for this nasty deed, but I assured him he did. I told him I'm sure the teacher contacted the mother. All I could think of was, that poor mother. I'm so glad I didn't approach her meanly when her child broke my son's backpack. I guess that has happened to her numerous times, according to the teacher. She seems so nice. I guess the dad is a little hardnosed, but I've never met him. It may be a denial or giving up thing. I don't know. I just hope this mom isn't carrying it all on her shoulders.

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Wow, sounds like you handled things wonderfully! I am so glad your son is doing well this year and has such good teachers. I do hope they can help the other little boy!! Obviously by just showing understanding and compassion you have helped his mom tremendously!

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~Happiness is a large family~

I am so happy that things went well when you approached the bully's mom!!! That's fantastic! However, I feel so terrible for that mom, with all that she's dealing with. Hopefully she has some support with this... You're both in my thoughts and prayers!

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