Anyone else with this problem?

stevesgal · **Anyone else with this problem?**

Here is the general question: does anyone else have problems with other family members who make you spend money when you really don't have it?

The reason for this question is cause of my MIL. Yesterday she called to ask if I would be okay with DH going to Florida on either of these weekends the 11th or 18th. My DH grandma lived in Fla and she passed away last month- they put her house up for sale and the closing will be the week after the 18th- they need my DH and a few other male cousins to pick up the rest of her furniture that needed to be left behind. First of all- the 11th was busy (DD's slumber party- which he promised a lot of things for and Mother's day) and told her the 18th would be better for us and if the closing is before the 18th- I guess I would have to be okay with it since i would have no choice- but go for the 18th. Anyways- she called DH and told him it was okay for him to go the weekend I specifically told her we were busy and of course DH said okay (not realizing what weekend it was) and she hurried and reserved a flight for him. When he got home- we had a fall out- and tried to call his mom to say he could not go that weekend- she already booked the flight for the 11th and told him that he owes her over $200 for his one way ticket and that he needs to have money for gas and rental on the truck to drive back to PA and that he had to drop stuff off at one uncles house (on the coast of SC). I am so angry right now! I told him not to give her a dime and that she has to pay for it, even if it is out of his grandmothers estate money! We do have money saved up that we could pay for everything- but I honestly feel as if she crossed the line and she should have to pay for it- especially cause of the fact that the stuff he is picking up is not going to be ours- the only thing we got and going to get is this nice picture of our dd's with his grandma (which I am happy with- we don't need anything else!). Sorry that was a long rant!

stevesgal · 05-03-2007, 10:50 AM

Oh, I forgot to add that this is going to cost us more money for the simple fact that DH has to leave work early- leave his car at the airport (which you have to pay to park- since his flight takes off at the time of the party) and there is a possibility that he will miss work on Monday cause he will have to deliver all the furniture to each person that is getting stuff- and the family is spread out all over PA.

!

KathrynHannah · 05-03-2007, 11:16 AM

That would make me mad too!

I hate when other people spend my money. My SIL (dh's sister) is notorious for this. And the whole family (especially dh) is so use to doing anything not to set her off that no one creates a fuss when she does this and it drives me crazy! When we were moving there once she went and got us a bunch of used furniture and then told us how much we owed her. We didn't even get to pick the stuff out! When we were getting married she kept going out and buying stuff for the wedding and then giving me the receipt. It was for smaller type stuff (decoration type stuff) but it still drove me up the wall when she wanted my money for something I wanted to buy myself and choose myself. Dh just paid the money not to upset her. Grr. If I am spending my money I want to be the one to make the choices about it.

That was really unfair of your MIL. I agree with you. She booked the ticket. Let her pay for it. Or book another one on the weekend that he can go and let her get a refund or pay for the one on the weekend he isn't available.

melsb · 05-03-2007, 01:27 PM

Your MIL is putting you in a bad position -- either way you're the bad guy (in their eyes). I'd like to say don't pay the money, because you shouldn't, but how long is this one going to be haunting you if you don't? And if you do pay the money than you're going to be very irritated by this event for a long time.

Ya, my in-laws do things like this all the time. You're either damned if you do or damned if you don't.

MandaRenee · 05-03-2007, 01:43 PM

oooh I would be furious. I can't believe she did that to you. It sounds to me like dh is doing a favor and shouldn't have to be out so much money. I would definitely have said something too. I'm mad for you.

vioburn · 05-03-2007, 03:00 PM

My in laws do this all the time. They like to have birthday dinners at expensive places, like the Melting Pot. First off, it excludes the kids, because I don't want them around the fondue pots and burners (plus not exactly kid friendly). Secondly, it ends up costing us $80, because they expect everyone to divy up the birthday persons meal, no matter how much they spent. So, even if we end up just getting smaller things, we still end up spending twice as much as what we plan on. Grr!! Or, they will go out and buy an expensive present from "everyone" and then say, ok, you owe $50 or whatever for your part...WHAT? I would rather buy a present that I picked out and spend only $30 or less, than have them pick out something that is going to cost me way more. They act like they are somehow saving us money, because we're "splitting the cost".

KathrynHannah · 05-03-2007, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vioburn

Or, they will go out and buy an expensive present from "everyone" and then say, ok, you owe $50 or whatever for your part...WHAT? I would rather buy a present that I picked out and spend only $30 or less, than have them pick out something that is going to cost me way more. They act like they are somehow saving us money, because we're "splitting the cost".

Yes! This happens to us all the time with dh's family. They are constantly telling us how much we owe for so and so's gift. And then they act like they've done us the favor!

MandaRenee · 05-03-2007, 03:08 PM

vioburn--maybe from now on when a holiday or birthday is coming up you can tell them that you've already thought of something you would like to do so you won't be participating in the group gift.

I can't believe people just do these sort of things. My family would never do that in a million years. My family is always picking up something for me or me for them but its because we want to. I had been looking for a good deal on a salad shooter forever and my grandma found one at a yard sale and brought it to me. She never expected me to pay her back and she knows if she needed something I would be willing to do the same for her.

I'm honestly just floored by this. Especially the furniture and wedding stuff. Never in a million years would I let that go. Maybe I'm just not nice enough, who knows.