What do I say?

KathrynHannah · **What do I say?**

We've always been really careful how we talk about money in front of the kids. We never say, "We can't afford it." or "We don't have enough". We always say things like, "We'll think about it." or "Let's put in on your birthday wish list."

Dd (age 6) wants to be in gymnastics like every other girl in her class. It's $80 a month and we simply have no other area where we can cut back to allow this. Both kids are in swimming and that's a non negotiable so they will learn water safety.

What's the best way to tell her we simply can't put her in gymnastics without the foucs being not having enough money?

newlywed0610 · 05-09-2007, 07:56 AM

I'm not a mom, so I can't give you any firsthand experience advice. However, I wanted to tell you what other parents are doing in the class I'm taking. There are about 7 couples in our Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class. A lot of them sit their children down (from Kindergarten to college aged) and talk about the budget. If something isn't in the budget, their children are learning that they can't have it. Most of them are allowing their children's input in creating the family budget, although it is very limited input for younger children. One parent even said that when they were at Walmart, her child was in the toy aisle, wanted a toy (I think it was a Bratz or Barbie), and asked her mom if it was in the budget. Her mom replied, "Nope, not this month." And the child said, "Okay" - with no fits!!

Kim · 05-09-2007, 07:58 AM

It's OK for kids to know that there isn't an unlimited pile of money, but when you focus on not having enough it can sometimes make them feel insecure. Instead, focus on the fact that when you're on a budget there are decisions to be made. This is true of people of ANY income. Even Donald Trump has to decide how to spend his money!

There are instances when you'll be able to say, "We choose to spend our money on other things" or "We're being smart (or doing the right thing) by saving our money for ____________" or "That's great that you want to learn more about gymnastics, maybe we can learn more about it by (going to a gymnastics meet, having a babysitter teach when she's there, etc., be creative here!) instead..."

AyeOhKay · 05-09-2007, 09:08 AM

Would there be a chance for her to do it after she learns to swim (and other water safety)? Maybe you could tell her you will consider it again after swim lessons are over depending on how long you intend to keep them enrolled. Just another idea . . .

ember15 · 05-09-2007, 10:05 AM

I agree with telling her that we need to spend our money on other things. There is no reason that the Gym lessons can't be a birthday or christmas gift too. She just needs to realize that if they are there won't be a package to open. I would also stick to one activity at a time. Currently she is doing swim lessons. They won't be forever and then later on you can put her in a different activity.

Stormy · 05-09-2007, 01:49 PM

Personally I don't think it's bad to be frank with your kids about $. I think I would tell ds that we can't afford it right now, but he could earn $ towards it by doing odd jobs and I'd pay him. Then Next time he could participate.

I tell ds all the time that money doesn't grow on trees or that we need to save for something. I don't think he'll grow up thinking we're really poor because of this. I wouldn't push the issue or go into a lot of detail, like, "we can't afford it, we need to pay the phone bill and since the baby was sick we had to get her medicine," yada yada.

Cookie2 · 05-09-2007, 02:13 PM

One activity at a time is fine and a perfectly reasonable explanation. Additionally, tell her you want to check out other gymnastic programs to find the right one for her.

Believe me, not every little girl is in gymnastics. We've been going to gymnastics since DD was 2 years old BUT we have never gone every week all year long. We go for a few months then take a break and do other things, too.

sassy · 05-09-2007, 02:18 PM

I wouldn't say you can't afford it. I would simply mention that right now you are paying money for ______ and maybe you'll think about it another time. Mention how they are already doing swimming lessons and that costs money. Mention that right now it wouldn't be a good idea. You don't have to say you can't afford it right now...

stacia · 05-09-2007, 07:31 PM

I would put her in gymnastics when swimming is over, one activity a week is plenty.

minicooper · 05-10-2007, 04:22 AM

We are always honest with our children about money. We explain to them that we work hard and that we don't always get what we want. We only do one activity at a time and we give the boys an opportunity to ask questions. They love going to the grocery store with me and hunting for a bargin. I personally think that teaching your children about budgets benefits them in the future. Have a good day.

Michelle