I agree with a lot of what's been said already. it's much more important to fully fund your retirement before thinking of paying for education. I hope to pay for most of my kids' education, but I see value in letting them work a little bit too, similarly to what my parents did for me. My parents paid for my tuition, but I had to get a part time job to pay for my living expenses. I agree that you have to instill work and appreciation as values regardless of how much or little of their education you pay for as parents.

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"DH said that they should "earn" their degree not "give" The kids should feel proud that they accomplish their academic life from scratch."

I believe: "We stand on the shoulders of giants."

In other words, no one ever accomplishes great things on their own. This just might be a sign of the developmental phase that your husband is in. When we start out in life we recognize that we are completely dependent on others. As we get older, especially when we are young adults, we feel completely independent. Then later on as we mature we recognize that we are all interdependent. Society is set-up to help each other out. There is a flow to life. Some of us go through periods where we need to receive more then later we'll be in periods where we'll be able to contribute more.

Whether a college student sailed through school with everything paid for or struggled by working odd jobs, every college student earns their degree. Granted, not everyone graduates at the top of their class but that's another story.

I do agree that other financial priorities are more important: adequate insurance, paying your current bills, getting a roof over your head, staying out of debt, and funding your own retirement. However, once all that is done, you can always set money aside for general investments and IF you decide to use that money later for college, you have the option.

There are so many college savings plans out there that will deliver tax benefits to you now. If you have the means to take advantage of them, I wouldn't pass them by. As you have already seen, if the child doesn't use the money for college, you can always decide to do something else with it. I just don't like the idea of leaving money 'on the table' when it is a great way to invest and save now.

Your husband's attitude may be based in the belief that once a kid turns 18 all parenting stops. Having raised 4 to adulthood already I can assure you that is not the case! Parenting takes a different form after 18 (or even 21 or 25) but it still occurs.

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ITA Spoodler...

It has not been a priority with us. My dh and I both went to college with 0 savings from our parents. Financial aide, scholarships and hard work got us through. My oldest had her college totally paid for through financial aide and grants and she totally blew it!!. My younger dd (13) is already planning for her own education. My dh and I are already getting up there in year with very young children yet (and lots of them!) Our emphasis right now is paying our day to day bills and saving for retirement. I will help my children in every way I can, but saving in a college fund is not possible for us. To me the most important way I can prepare them for college is to make sure they get a good education in the early years.

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We had done the pre-paid college thing for both our boys but got behind on it quickly and couldn't afford to pay other bills, so we cancelled it. At that time we were beyond down-an-out and mainly did it with good intentions but not much forethought. My parents did pay for my bachelor's and I commuted every day to school. I took only the necessary classes and graduated in exactly 2 years. I took 18-21 credits per semester, went over summers, and that was my job. I was most definitely not a slacker. I got loans for my masters and would probably not have bothered now looking back in hindsight.

We have a friend who got her GED, took a few classes at the community college, and worked her way up at a law firm and makes almost as much as DH and I combined. My dad went to vocational school in the late 70's and made more than Dh and I could hope to make. I think education and a college degree are terrific - but not necessarily a guarantee of a better job or more $. In many cases yes, but not always. If (hopefully "when"LOL ) Dh and I get our financial house in order, I would like to just start saving $ and if the boys need it for school, great. If they need for a down payment on a house, great. I want to have money saved so that I can help them out within reason as they transition into adulthood, not necessarily for school. I think in today's day and age it is very difficult to make it in this world and I do not think it is bad for parents to help out their kids, so long as everyone knows what the expectations are.

AMEN! I totally agree with this! Even if they pay for it themselves, if they don't understand the value of things prior to college they will fail at budgeting, planning their money, etc.

I am VERY opposed to my kids being racked with student loans and such out of college. I have seen too many friends struggle in their 20's with student loans. We are fortunate enough to provide this opportunity for our children so that they can start out their adult lives ahead of most. (I was always grateful to my parents and the states of Florida and Georgia that provided me with a great education to fall back on. I did have a part time job to pay for extras that I just wanted beyond room, board and tuition.) If our children fail and waste those four years we provide for them, I think WE have failed in teaching them the value of education, money, budgeting, etc. before they went.

Right now in my life saving for college is not a priority. My dd's are 8 and 3 and my older dd has just been tested and we just found out she may have learning disablilities or ADD or both. So just getting her on track and up to her current grade level will be our priority. We will be opening a savings account for her because she got over $300 for her 1st Communion and we want to start teaching her now how to save, something that I was never taught.

My father was more than able to pay for both my sister and myself to go to college but refused to help, so I had to work just to get by and I got married very young and haven't had the chance to go to school. I hope that when the time comes we'll be able to help our daughter out in any way we can. I too hate the idea of either one of my children being bogged down by debt so early in life. But at the same time my priorities are first to buy our own home (so no matter what happens our children have a place to live), second save for retirement (my dh is 42 and I'm 27 so I worry more for him than myself right now), third would be to help our children financially whether it be for college, 1st car/home, marriage, etc.

The bottom line is none of us really know what will happen when our children grow up, if we were settlled financially saving for my dd's college would be priority #1, but if I can't afford a roof over their head now why would I pay for something that may or may not happen 10 years from now??

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I totally agree with you though. I don't like seeing my kids drowning with debts at such as young age however my husband did when he was very young. His parent's sheltered him eventhough they didn't have much of anything to save for their retirement. They bought him a new truck, paid for his cellphone bills but DH was working part time and going to school at the same time. Once he left home at the age of 18. He was in debt, late payments after late payments of his car, cellphone bills etc... brought down his credit report badly. His parents never billed him out. I guess he was in shocked. He learned it though the hard way. Now he is a little bit older and mature he wish that his parents never sheltered him and let him learn the hard way about money. I asked him one day that if his parents could afford to send him to college would he done it? he gave me plain straight answer that he would but since he was young and wants to gain that "freedom" away from parents he would've just party and pretend that he was studying. It was an honest answer. That's why he truly believes that kids have to learn from their own mistakes. He believe in hard work and paying bills on time now. DH is a soldier right now maybe that's where he's got that mentality from. I've seen a lot of young soldiers made so many mistakes. One guy was so sheltered that he was messing up everything (debts, couldn't paid for his insurance, got a girlfriend who controlled his life etc..) I guess I can say that he's dumb because he ended marrying the girl and went back to the states and live in his parents house. I guess from what I hear now the girl is pregnant. He doesn't have a job just living in his parents house. I told DH that if we teach our kids to be responsible at a young age I don't think we have to worry about them once they go to college. He does worry he thinks that their new friends is going to have a big influence on them. Going back to my question I asked him again today and he said "no" firmly. Yes, we can afford to put money for our kids education and we are putting money on DS account every two weeks. However he said that the money will not be going to his education. It will be there when he REALLY REALLY NEEDS IT. He wants DS to have debts I suppose and then once he graduate we can help him out paying his student loan. DH doesn't want DS finding out about the money. I just go along with what he says as long as DS get his education. We will never know really about the future but since DH likes to plan ahead of time he keeps telling me not worry about it. If DS messed up before he turns 18 he will sign him up in the military.

No he was just a sheltered kid. His parents never taught him anything about money because they always billed him out until he left home. Then he was in shocked. He joined the army got the training and basically made him more mature.He always tells me that the army made him a "hard core" person. I'm on the other hand I had lots of scholarships offered to me when I was in high school but turned it down. I made my parents really angry because they never save any money for my education they couldn't afford it but they want me to be successful. I was angry at them too for not trying hard enough. I know it was stupid but most of my friends joined the military so I did too. I figured since the army is going to pay for my education and I get to travel around the world for free so why not? I wanted to get away from my parents too as far away as possible. Ended up in Germany. I never realized that yes the army will pay for your education but if you fail your class (due to deployments, long work hours) you have to pay the money back. I did one semester and I couldn't handle it there were too many stress and I just couldn't do it. DH however is doing his right now. He is almost done with his associate despite the long hours and 24/7 (on call duty) how he manage it I don't know. We are fortunate enough though that the army pays for our utilities, housing, and medical. DH doesn't make enough money and he doesn't get paid overtime but still every blessing we have we are thankful for. WE still live paycheck to paycheck sometimes and we have lots debt but I always manage somehow to put money aside for DS even if it just $10.

I haven't read everyone else's responses but...

I think it really depends on your own financially situation. Dh and I have debated about this. I worked 2 jobs and put myself through college. My parents would occasionally buy a couple books or something but by no means did they pay for my college. They saved their money for their future. I see nothing wrong with that.

Dh and I will likely put money away for our kids but I am certain it won't be enough to pay for their college. They will have to find a way to help with the cost if they want to go. Its not that I wouldn't like to pay for it because I know sometimes it was hard for me but its not something we will likely be able to do. It is important to us to save money for retirement and our financial futures.

I know a woman who said to me she saved for her kid's college but didn't save one dime for retirement because she took care of her kids so when she retired it would be up to her kids to take care of her! Excuse me? It was your choice to have the children, and it shouldn't have been as a way to get out of providing for yourself late in life. What if you kids don't like you then? What if they are strapped for cash and just can't afford it? What then?

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