I *have* asked for hand-me-downs from friends I am close to. I always offer to pay for them and I only ask people I know well who would be giving the stuff away anyway. If that makes me cheap, then I guess I am, though I consider myself frugal, and so do the friends I get the hand-me-downs from.

There is a question that hasn't been asked that should also be considered: does she offer to others. Meaning, if she has things she is getting rid of, will she offer them to other people? That too me makes a difference in whether or not she can be considered a mooch.

And her husband's income may have little to do with it. You may think you know their circumstances, but unless she has been very explicit, they may not be doing as well as you think. And depending on how it works in their household, she may have limits on what she can spend. She is making choices that she feels are necessary for her family. I can't fault her for that.

I think it's rude of her to ask. If someone was that way with me I would answer "No, I don't". She isn't needy, and you could be donating those clothes or toys to Goodwill or some other organization for people that actually need it. If you offer, that's one thing, but to come out and ask (and it sounds like a regular thing with her too) is just rude. It doesn't sound like she returns the favor either (just a feeling I get from reading the original post). I think it does matter that her husband makes great money and they aren't in debt. Those items could be going to a much better cause.

"And her husband's income may have little to do with it. You may think you know their circumstances, but unless she has been very explicit, they may not be doing as well as you think. And depending on how it works in their household, she may have limits on what she can spend. She is making choices that she feels are necessary for her family."

I was thinking similarly that she may not have her husband's income to use at her discretion. It's not unheard of for a man in a money-oriented job (Banking) to be tighter than a bull's butt... read: very controlling in household money matters.

I guess I should give you some background, but this bothered me so much I just flat out asked her. We were good friends, but her daughter can be very mean to my DD, and Kelsey in turn was being mean to me and her brother, so I started to limit the time they spend together. Anyway, I called her the other day to say that I was really upset that she asked for more clothes, since she had a huge pile in her daughter's closet, (she showed me that's how I know and that's when I started to pick up on things) I told her no I didn't have any clothes, because my mom and I were taking things to the thrift shop so that I can have money to purchase my kids clothes. I'm pretty set on what I have this year, so what I make now at the thift store will buy the summer or school clothes next year, you see the cycle. I do very very well there. I've made almost 370 since January consigning the kids and my clothes, so why should I just give them away. Anyway-
I asked her how come she always asks to borrow or if I have, I was shocked at her answer. She said if I asked more times then not, people have something I need or can use and that's what I have alot of friends for. Plus if their just going to give it to me I'd be a fool not to take it. She said that they didn't have money for a vacuum but they are going to disney for 8 days with her best friend, her mom, and 4 kids. I guess the best way for me to describe it is she's cheap at every one elses expense. She doesn't buy anything unless it's an absolulte necessity., She said she doesn't buy makeup, clothes, clothes for the kids or shoes. They get one pair of shoes for the year.
But on the other hand she's seeing a financial advise in Boston every 3 months. I do give her credit that she is very disaplined on her life and does have her priorities in order, but on the other hand, I could not live like that knowing that I feel that I've intruded and taken people for granted. She said she gets up at 4, does laundry and dishwasher, because it's cheaper to run the stuff at that time, walks for an hour and does bills and stuff. Everything comes out of her checking account, she sends email thank you's instead of cards to save on stamps. She told me the cheapest way to do it and she will do it. However, she eats only organic foods, and when she does buy clothes, it good stuff. I just don't get it, maybe I need to take a few lessons from her on frugalness.

These are things she does not do

Does not buy lunchmeat, bread, juice boxes, soda, fabric softener, bottled water.

Kids don't get something at the store, gifts or purchases are only at b-day or x-mas and then she sends a list of what the girls would like. She joined a mom's club and barters her services to get free membership. They conincide her husband's work travels to do vacation, so that his company pays for milage and gas instead of it costing them anything. Also the same with internet, phone and cell, service, his company pays for that, since he travels and works from home some days too.

She does food shopping on 80 a week without coupons and says she's not embarrased to put things back once she hit's 80 at the register.

She gets up at 4 to do laundry, garden, dishwasher, anything that cost money so that it's a lowerrate. Visits family for vacation, borrows toys and dvd's from friends and burns copies, same with music.

Doesn't pay bills buy checks everything is direct withdrawl and she only shops with cash.

Those are her tips. I think I need to take some lessons!!

Those are some Good tips!!

I have to Say I think she is Cheap -

If she has no Problems with Being Embaressed to Ask For Toys / clothes and she Puts stuff back if her Total Runs over 80.00 at the Store .... -

IMO that Constitutes Cheap And I Don't Have the gall to Be like that - Cause I Am too Nice and I Worry that I Will Make someone Mad
If I Absoulutloy only had 80.00 To Spend - I would take a Calculator with me ...

I have asked for Kids Clothes - From Friends who Have kids a size below Mine -
BUT I Only ask when they are getting Ready for a YS and I tell them to Price the Stuff And I will Come Over The Night Before and I will Pay them the Yard sale Prices -

Some frugal is okay, but I think she is down right cheap. Does she borrow a vacuum cleaner? She has friends so she can borrow and get stuff free? That is not right!

__________________
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