Rather than defend your lifestyle or attack hers, why not tell her that it's all a matter of choices. You're choosing to spend -- or not spend -- your family's income the way you do because it will help you achieve your goals. I wouldn't give her a breakdown of my expenses, but I might tell her that my goal is to be debt free or have a certain percent to put down on a new house or save a certain amount for vacations, retirement, college, whatever. If you're following particular advice, such as DAve RAmsey, tell her about the resources or the program you use.
Maybe she'll see that her choices are leading her a mountain of debt; maybe she won't.

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~Jeweled

She sounds like a bully.

I think she needs to learn boundaries of friendship and you are the right person to teach her. Too nosy for her own good. She has a superiority complex.

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I wouldn't sweat it. To each his own. If she wants to be dangerous with her money, let her be. She does have a point, it is cheaper in the long run to have a mortgage over rent, that is why we bought a very economical house that is only 1300 sq feet and perfect for our family. But that is not her business, not everyone is in that position. I just wouldn't talk finances with her anymore if that is the way she wants to be. We are very fortunate to have a house and a mortgage at 27 and 26 and I do not take that for granted. However we are really trying to buckle down because we would like to have another baby and have student loans under control. Let her figure that stuff out for herself. Its a shame she wastes so much money and flaunts it. Next time you go out to lunch, let her pick up the tab since she thinks she craps money! haha

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I would change your situation with your friend by not speaking with her about personal subjects anymore. You should definitely form some sort of boundaries with this friend.

As far as her spending life goes, she's an adult and she will learn her own way. I understand you wanting to help her, but some people can't be helped if they don't want to be.

I think the issue here is she has a significant other who also shares expenses with her. He makes almost 2X what she does so her expenses are probably not as large as a person on their own. If they own three properties I bet those properties cover much of their own expenses and mortgages.

So she is comparing apples to oranges. Next time she asks you for specifics just tell her you are doing the best you can and while you appreciate she is well intentioned (giving her the benefit of the doubt!) you are not in a position to purchase at this time and you really don't have any interest in talking about it.

Enjoy what you both have in common.


Barb C

Some people spend-to-show, but that's their choice. It's not ours, as financial freedom and security are very important to us.

My advice to you is to read "The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy" by Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko. I really wish someone had told me about it when I was in my 20's paying off student loans and using credit cards unwisely.

It was eye-opening for me. And, when I hear about someone's new car, long vacation, and million dollar home, I just remember what I learned from that book. Stay strong!

I had no idea someone could make that much money working at Best Buy

Here on Vancouver Island (which is where the original poster and I both live so I know the score here) it is definitely NOT better for you to buy than rent right now. We are in the midst of a HUGE housing bubble that will be extremely ugly when it all shakes out. In my town the average house is selling for around 600K right now and the average HOUSEHOLD (not individual) income is only in the 60's. This is going to be UGLY in the extreme when it all blows up.

Ellelit, your friend is a fool. Trust me, she'll be the one crying into her cornflakes once the rug gets pulled out from under her. Today's prices are insane to say the least. Your friends are seriously young and stupid if they think this thing is going to keep going up forever. What goes up way too fast and way too far only has one way to go? Yup - DOWN. Don't let fools convince you to drown with them. Remember, misery loves company.

Way to go for not saying anything! I think that finances are a private matter, disclosed only when a person decides to do so for themselves. I would just keep to yourself like you have been so fabulously doing (does your friend have ANY class?) and don't stoop to her level by turning the tables on her.....though I admit, I would love to call that girl up myself and give her a piece of my mind, and I'm just reading your account on the web!

Like someone said, just feel good about the fact that you are being smart with your money. All of the expensive stuff they're buying is going to be outdated someday. You're paying for your education. Kudos to you!