I'm in a gift giving pickle...

as143ks · **I'm in a gift giving pickle...**

DH and I are trying to keep the gift spending to a minimum this year. My plan was to get my dad a mug and a mouspad with a pic of DS and maybe something else fairly inexpensive. The problem is, both of my parents are pretty specific about what they want as gets-they arent very happy with just a candle or a homemade gift or something like that. Wrong, I know but they have always been like that so we have kinda just learned to suck it up.
So here is where the dilemma comes in. My dad came up to me last week with an envelope. He told me that in the envelope was a list of books that he wanted for Christmas. He wants four books and he specified 2 for me to get him and he told me he did the same for my sis for the other two books. He said that he "made sure the prices were even" so sis and I would be paying the same amount. So I open up the envelope and one book is $10 (okay doable) but the other is $35. I didnt really want to spend that much but now it looks like I may have to. The kicker is that if I don't get my dad the books, DH and I will look like cheap-o's compared to my sis. Which I know is not a good way to feel but still.
I have no problem getting the $10 book. I am thinking that I may be able to find a used but new looking version of the $35 book-would that be wrong if I did? It is a religious book that comes from a certain company so I am not sure if I could. Should I do no books at all? I mean it is what he wants but I am not going to go way over my head for this. Any suggestions? Thanks girls

momof2boys in il · 11-13-2007, 07:15 AM

This does sound like a sticky situation.....Have you tried talking to your parents and telling them that you and DH have decided that you are cutting back on X-mas this year due to the cost of gas and everythign going up in price. Explain to them that you wanted to give them a gift revolving around the kids, something that they will cherish? My parents would be thrilled to get something home-made. Unfortunately, my parents don't have a computer, so the mousepad idea isn't a good one. Good luck, and I hope you get a resolution that everyone can live with.

brensmom · 11-13-2007, 07:16 AM

wow i think that if he wanted them so bad to tell you to get them he needs to buy them himself... personally i think you need to stand up to your dad tell him you have already gotten his gift (maybe a gift card so he can get one of the books and part of the other himself). tell him i'm sorry but at this time we just can't afford that much. and leave it at that.. if he gets mad and does not appreciate what you get him thats his problem not yours and he should never make you feel bad or obligated its the thought that counts right??? i just really hope that you find the strength to simply say no cause if ya don't its never gonna change... years ago i had to stand up and tell my dad i was an adult and he was not in control of my life(mind you i left home after highschool but he thought is was in charge) and ya know what it was the most freeing thing ever for me.. we do not have a close relationship but its a decent one without resentment so i hope you have the strength i know you can do it and loose the guilt you feel.

as143ks · 11-13-2007, 07:23 AM

You're right Bren I know I need to just suck it up and tell him no. Then I feel guilty because he sacrificed so much for my sis and I and I feel bad. Oh the guilt! I know I shouldnt feel obligated but I do..

as143ks · 11-13-2007, 07:25 AM

Oh yes-my parents are not the homemade gift type. My mom wanted sis and I to split the cost of a Brighton purse last year for Christmas. Those things cost over 200 bucks! Yeah right that wasnt happening. It's sad but true. I love homemade gifts and thankfully so do the IL's.

melsb · 11-13-2007, 07:30 AM

I'm not sure which book you're looking for but check around. I rarely pay full price for books. Check eBay and Amazon. Also, if it is a new release, Costco's books are sometimes less expensive. Hastings and Borders also have pretty good discounts. And if you're on Barnes and Noble's mailing list, I know right now I'm getting coupons from them left and right.

vickie_evans43 · **Books**

Check online at Half.com - My son's girlfriend wants a book by James Patterson for Christmas - I checked the bookstore and it is not in paper back - and the price was 30.00 - I checked Half.com and got it for 8.00 - in great condition.

calimari · 11-13-2007, 10:37 AM

Man, I wish I could get off that easy. My dad is a millionaire and has everything he could possibly want, and then some. My stepmother tells each of us what to get him, if we're lucky, and then he rarely appreciates anything. $500 Bose Wave radio I was told to get him 5 years ago is still in the box in the closet. $200 silk shirts - I've seen him hand them off to my half-sister's boyfriend right in front of me just 2-3 months after I gave it to him. Tags still on it. I went to every high-end men's shop in town for a silk/cashmere button down red vest. Finally found one for $90. Gave it to him on Xmas morning only to find out my stepmother found the exact one & gave it to him earlier that morning, even though it's what she told me to buy him. One year we were told he wanted certain golf clubs, so each of the 5 kids put in $300. That's $1500. You can imagine my surprise when he opened THREE CLUBS! Not even a full set! Just THREE CLUBS!!! If your father has everything he really wants, and he's told you what will make him happy, and it's under $50 - maybe even less if you can find it on sale? I'd be glad it's that easy. If it's truly a financial hardship for you, then I'd be honest with him about it and tell him you can't afford more than the one book (try to find the $35 one on sale). Each kid in the family need not spend the same on him - they each should spend what they can afford. Your parents need to spend the same on each kid, just like you would for your kids.

penelope · 11-13-2007, 10:46 AM

I understand you not wanting to cause friction. Get the books used. You wont have to worry about him returning them. If for any reason he suspects they were used, and says it was tacky, let him know it was tacky for him tell you exactly what to buy him. Or tell him that it was the only way for you to afford to get him what he wanted.
Sometimes people get weirder the older they get. If he generally treats you good, just let it slide for family harmony.

Cookie2 · 11-13-2007, 11:47 AM

#1 - Older people are very hard to buy for because they usually buy whatever they want when they want it. They hate gift giving occasions as much as we do because they don't want to feel obligated to keep a bunch of junk around for 'sentimental reasons' and they hate seeing their children waste money on gifts that really aren't appreciated or useful.

#2 - Dad was trying to help you out by offering a suggestion and keeping it in line with what you've given in the past. Instead of seeing his suggestion as a command that says 'you must spend X-amount on me', see it as an offering that says, "I know you feel obligated to get me a gift. If you do, this is what I really would appreciate and use. Please don't spend more than this amount on me."

IF you think your dad would have purchased the book at a used bookstore if he had found a copy there, then go ahead and buy the book used. As a matter of fact, look for both books on the used market.