Thank you, that is a very generous offer, I wish I could fit into a size 16. I did when I got married. But, sad to say I don't anymore. It's nice to know that there are such caring people out there. I lack in the chest department, but carry it all in my gut. So buying clothes is tough. If it fits my tummy then it is gaping a the chest, nothing to hold it up. Such a delema.

Well, I'm new here, but I know exactly how you feel. That is the story of my life. I'm not complaining, mind you, but it can be a little "unfair" feeling at times. My mom tells me that it was the same for her and for her mom as well. I guess that being the mom means you do what it takes, even if it means sacrificing many things for yourself. I myself have to try to find a little extra money from who-knows-where to buy some winter clothes, but my kids need their winter clothes first! Keep your chin up.....

I do make sure my kids have everything they need, but I'm a little selfish, my DH does without alot. He is Big and Tall 6'4" 275lb, so I can't get him clothes just anywhere. So he will go for a long, long time between purchases. He never likes what I buy him anyway. However, like you all with the games, when he wants something, it's amazing how quickly he finds the $!! I do buy myself too much at goodwil but only if it's half price or a really good brand name. I've gotten alot better, b/c we don't have the $ these days.

Hey momtomany have you tried lane bryant? I know the regular priced stuff is really expensive but if you go to the back of the store and shop off their clearance I find lots of work clothes there for way cheap. Like $10 for tops and pants for around $15. You have to check every couple weeks because things get cheaper the longer they sit in the clearance section. I've also got bras, panties, jeans, coats in their clearance section. I have a hard time mainly because I am a 16 and the clearance stuff is usually bigger sizes. Also try oldnavy.com in their plus sizes I get a lot of stuff there too.

I know exactly what you mean, I always seem to buy for me last, well by then we are at the end of our budget so I just keep wearing the same few things over and over again, there has to be a better plan

(WARNING: Long post but read on to get some insight on "Depriving Behavior".) Hello Ladies! I too feel your pain and have felt it for most of my 47 years. Growing up with a "victim" mother who "guilted" me into taking care of her and my younger brother and sister, I have done without all my life. I found value (from mommy) when I took care of others, denied myself, and didn't complain about it. When I needed something (like a bra when I was 13) I was ridiculed and made to feel guilty for needing something. When I had my three boys, I seriously went into the "the kids need it more than me" phase. My "righteousness" was noble, and wasn't I the loving and sacrificial one? Everyone must love me for my sacrifice! Those who don't appreciate it will be resented!! I was doing without for the wrong reasons. I found a sense of worthiness in myself when I did without so others could have.

There were many Christmases where I got no gifts, not even from my husband, and my birthday is on Christmas! He would say things like, "I thought we were going to buy each other a couch?" or "That trip we took with the kids in August was your present". Not that he withholds, it's just that he's not much of a gift-giver and I place a big value on the giving and getting of gifts. Except to myself. Again with the guilt. But with enough therapy and Bible study, I began to get myself little things at Christmas (a candle, a pair of warm fuzzy socks) and wrap them and place them under the tree "from Jesus". One day, I was miserable from all the sneezing and eye itching that my allergy to our cats caused, I realized that if one of my kids suffered the way I did, I would have gotten rid of the cats in a heartbeat! So why didn't I value myself enough to get them out of my house and off my bed? Good question.

Ladies - let me urge you to put yourself on the same "plane of significance" as your husband and children. Kids who constantly see mom go without will respect her less because she does not respect herself. She often plays the role of the victim, soliciting a rescuer, sometimes from inappropriate places like the children. This puts a huge burden on the children because they don't have the emotional tools to say, "No Mom. I don't need another video game (or pair of jeans or ticket to the newest theatrical release). You take it and buy yourself a coat so you don't have to complain how freezing you are!" They simply absorb the brunt of her resentment until she blows up about how she is never appreciated. I know. I've been there.

Also, while I realize that many women work because they enjoy it, have you ever stopped to think that you are actually robbing your husband of his priviledge of caring and husbanding you? Let him know respectfully what you need (or want), then allow him to rise up and protect you. Resist nagging. Ask him: "Honey, Kevin's athletic fees need to be paid and I am in desperate need of a new winter coat. Can we afford both?" If he says no, ask him what he thinks you should do. Tell him you need $60 for the fees and your new coat would cost $75. Ask him if he can think of any way you could afford both. He'll probably toss the ball back in your court and remind you that you bought a new coat 6 years ago, and what's wrong with the coat you have. If you find yourself getting angry, wanting to remind him of all the things you've done without so he could have a new set of golf clubs, take a time out. Ask, "Can I get back to you on that? I need to think about this for a few minutes." Talk to yourself about who you are (a wonderful woman, mother, and wife) and what you need (to feel protected and stay warm). If you can, get back to him and say, "Honey, the coat I bought 9 years ago is threadbare and the liner is missing because Timmy took it out and buried the cat in it. I would really feel protected and cared for by you if you could figure out a way for me to get a warmer coat. Can you think about it and get back to me?" Now the ball is back where it belongs.

Finally, find out what's really behind your deprivation. Are you trying to prove something? Or do you really not need something while someone else really does? I'm not advocating your buying yet another pair of shoes to add to your closet full when Kevin's shoes smell because all his socks have holes in them. Just value yourself to take care of your needs as well as the needs of others.
And to the victim - er, I mean, mom who can't shop Goodwill because her 2-year-old won't let her, I have a word of advice: BABYSITTER!

No, you are not selfish! In fact, your children need to see that you make yourself a priority every now and then -- even if it means they have to put their wants on hold so that you can get some new clothes. It will help them to be able to do the same when they are parents someday. Maybe they would enjoy shopping with you for your clothes. It would give them a sense of how you consider your finances while shopping for your needs, too.

Now, maybe I will take my own advice! It's easy to say but harder to do. But do DO!

I feel the same way most of the time! I.e. my hubby worked a lot of overtime this past pay. I took care of the bills, he decided he was treating us to a dinner (I didn't have to cook- yeah)- he decided we would go to an all you can eat Chinese buffet- I would of been happy with Long John's (just because we had extra does not mean to blow it all in one place!). Anyways, we had 2 weddings to go to, I bought a few Christmas presents to get them done with or started (of course they were items on sale- spent $25 and finished 2 people and started 1)- I wanted a haircut for the weddings ( a cheap $10 hair cut)- but I heard my hubby mention prior he needed work boots, I did not get the haircut I so desperately need and he went out and got himself $100 pair of boots-(works outside in construction- he needs the thinsulate boots- unfortunately I know where he is coming from with his expensive boots). I also found out that my non-coffee drinker hubby has been buying 2 coffees everyday for work, so I got him a coffee maker (had to get one with a timer because he's not reliable enough to make his own in the morning)- I was so upset that he resorted to drinking coffee and spending all his "allowance" on coffee and asking for more!! Don't get me wrong I love my hubby, and thankful that he provides for us, but he is the one who says that he is deprived! He does not notice what I go without, him and the kids are constantly taken care of- I spend my "allowance" on extra groceries and towards the stuff we need (i.e. Christmas presents). Typical, baby of the family child or should I say man- LOL!(which I am too!)

Needless to say my hubby went through his overtime pay on his wants and needs- this time next week he will be complaining to me where did all the money go? What all did you buy? We go through this everyweek right before pay day- this time I am sick of hearing it and saved all his reciepts to show him where it all went. All but $25 went towards his wants and needs. Sorry this was long and turned to a rant. I just went through our checking and receipts and noticed this post!

:D LOL I'm tryin, I'm tryin! The other thing about it is that I need to find a better Goodwill, because the one I've been trying to go to is just beyond help. It's totally dirty, insanely disorganized, and things just do not get labeled. Sorry, I don't want to (nor do I think I should have to - maybe I'm spoiled?) have to hold up every pair of pants in the place up to my son's butt to see if they're the right size, because all the kids clothes, size newborn to 12 yrs old are all tangled together without labels.

__________________
~~Amanda~~ Mommy to one Little Man (3 1/2 yrs old), TTC #2

WE'RE ADOPTING!!!
http://daughterinthedistance.blogspot.com/

FlyByGrace, thanks for having a sense of humor! I felt a little bad after re-reading my post. I know what you mean about having a crummy Goodwill but ours in Colorado Springs is wonderful. As a matter of fact, we have 3 or 4 that are really terrific. I've found that the ones close to a mall are fantastic for finding clothes that the big stores donate after they've gone out of season. Many name brands and items with the tags still one them! The disorganized ones are sometimes not worth the effort. Say, have you ladies heard of FreeCycle.com? They are popping up all over the country and you can give away stuff and get stuff for free all the time. Check them out.