I feel like I'm the one that always has to do with out. Dh doesnt want anything so he isnt missing anything, and my girls are well cared for, but when it comes to me i'm always giveing up soemthing I want so that somebody else in the house can have something. I need new winter clothes becuase nothing I have fits. And I mean nothing. I couldnt even find one long sleev shirt to wear last night .I can find a few things at thrift stores but for the most part I have to buy new and we just dont have extra $ right now. why do moms always put themselves last on the to do list? Does anybody else feel this way or am I just being selfish today?

I do this as well- I am sure most moms do it to some extent. Is there anything you can cut out this month so you can go and get one new outfit- maybe just a pair of pants/jeans and a new top? Being a sahm I really only wear what I call 'active wear'- or my mommy suit- some yoga/athletic pants and a short or long sleeve top. We really don't go out all the much- so I don't have but 1 or 2 outfits that could be considered dress casual. Dh just had a dinner for his work- so I went out and got my hair done and a new outfit and it really felt good to get done up- I felt more like a person and not just a mom. Don't get me wrong I love being a sahm- but some days I feel like I am just my kid's mom/ house cleaner/grocery getter/cook/laundry specialist/chauffer and entertainer. I hope you can find something for yourself- think of it more as a treat. I am trying to give up pop and when I do- then I am gonna do something special for myself.

What sizes do you wear? I am sure there is someone with clothes to get rid of.

i'm this way as well my dh actually gets mad at me cause i won't buy anything for myself i want to make sure my kids are taken care of first. like i need a new winter coat but i'm sure i will wear the same old ratty one cause they are so expensive. i know how you feel but do try to at least get yourself something.

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Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money.

i wear 16, and xl. My dh would cry if he thought I had to ask for clothes. He grew up with money and thinks he is suppose to be able to give me what ever i want.He would walk to work just to buy me something.Its not really that important i can buy one or two things, but we are trying so hard to pay off stuff, and save for x-mas. I'd like to buy a couple of sweet suits. I wear the mom uniform most of the time, but I like to dress a little nicer sometimes just to feel good.

No I battle with this too. My DH is an avid (video) gamer, and he has always had to have the most recent best game out there. It got so overwhelming trying to figure out where the money was going to come from for his games that I finally broke down and told him we needed another system b'c he couldn't just get video games whenever he wanted. I made him feel guilty b'c I kept putting off getting my glasses so he could get some game he wanted. He's gotten a lot better. Now he's trading his games to get new ones and asking if we can stretch the cost of a game over like 5 or 6 paychecks. Which is a lot easier to deal with, and I don't mind that. Besides, we do play some of them together, so it is entertainment for us sometimes. But I do know how you feel. I need some new (or at least new-to-me) clothes and shoes too, but we just don't have the extra money either. I'd be happy as a peach finding them at the goodwill, but I can't shop there with my 2 year old DS. It just won't happen. For some reason, I feel wrong to make a big deal out of always being shoved to the side for everyone else. I've always put everyone else first all my life, and have always taken second in everything so someone else wouldn't go without. It started back when I was in girl scouts. Because my mom was a co-leader, both myself and the leader's daughter always got short-handed for crafts, food, etc. "We'll get more for ourselves later." they always said. I just got so used to it, I think that it's carried over into my marriage. As a mother, I think it is very natural to sacrifice for your children. I'm more bothered (sometimes) about feeling like I'm deprived in comparison to DH. I normally swallow it, tell myself that life and happiness isn't about things, remind myself of the many blessings I have, and move on. At times, I get things (my hair done, buy makeup) but those are things that often I feel should be budgeted in to our expenses. I mean, he'll come home and say "hey honey can we put $10 or $15 towards this game from each paycheck?" and it's totally justified, but when I say "honey if I set aside money from each pay, i'd like to get my hair permed" he gets all "i don't know.. we might need the money for such & such".. blah blah. I dont think he realizes how much he gets and how much I don't. And the thing that gets me is that 9 times out of 10 I don't really want stuff for ME.. I want to get curtains for the house or storage bins for our off-season clothing, paint for our house, etc. It's not like I'm asking to go on a $5k shopping spree or something. I also deal with feeling guilty over wanting a hobby that costs money. I'm forcing myself to be happy reading books as my hobby, because what I really want to do for my hobby costs us money and doesn't bring a return, so DH doesn't really like it. (As if his games ever bring a monetary return! HA!) I try not to get too upset over it, as when it boils down to it, they are just things, and I can't be petty over them and make "things" such a big deal in my life. But some days I struggle. Some days I just want him to say "honey get yourself that blouse" and not feel super guilty that I'm spending "his" money. Yea, it's complicated, and harder to explain that just what I've said. It's something I've been dealing with for so long and he doesn't understand, no matter how hard I try to explain it.

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~~Amanda~~ Mommy to one Little Man (3 1/2 yrs old), TTC #2

Flybygrace, I hear you! I've needed some pretty serious dental work done for nearly a year now, barely get haircuts even at the $10 places, right now I am trying to figure out how i can afford to get a new bra. AND I work outside the home full time. I feel like I am just turning over my paycheck. When I was working PT I thought that working FT would make the difference...well, it makes a difference, but not in MY lifestyle. There are times I feel like I am subsidizing DH's leisure activities. I know that he is good about shopping sales, trading games, etc, but he has some relatively expensive activities that (it seems) he does not think twice about. He feels that he has made a lot of sacrifices in the past and that now he deserves to give himself nice things. It is not something I want to argue about with him, but it does bother me. I guess I would just like to have a little $, just a small amount, to spend regularly for my own needs. I bet there are a lot of moms who feel this way.

Most moms feel like this from time to time, don't feel quilty. I grew up with not alot of money so I've never cared about name brand clothes. Jeans and sweaters/sweatshirts are more by deal. I feel guilty if I spend full price on something so I usually shop at Goodwill, consignment or the clearance racks. I usually get by hair cut at a place like Cost Cutters.

Find time to pamper yourself. Take a bubble bath or get a massage. Read a good book if you like to read (check out from the library if you don't want to buy one). You deserve it.

Hi, I am new to this board, but read your posts and just had to get in on this one. It is so nice to hear that others are just like me. I too am in need of a winter coat, haven't hd one in several years. I am a bigger woman and its more expensive to buy larger sizes, so I go without. My kids and husband hae what they need, I make sure they don't go without, but my dh doesn't even seem to notice that I don't have a lot of things. I have one pait of jeans that I wash every other day it s the only pair that fits properly. I shop for the kids at thrift stores and year end sales, I am an excellent shopper! But the choices for me are very limited, and by the time I have what the kids need there isn't much $ left for me. If anyone has any ideas of a great place to find CHEAP, fat lady clothes I would really appreciate it. I live in cental MN. Just glad to hear that I am not alone in this. Thanks or listening.

Oh my...I so feel your pain!! I am always last..and by my choice. Dh tells me to go do something for me, but it is part of who I am to do for the kids first! LOL My winter coat is what my sister and brother in law gave me for Christmas last year..cause she said she had never seen me in one that was not a hand me down or from a clearance sale. It was one of the best gifts I have ever gotten! (it is a leather waist length zip up with a removable lining!) I do have clothes in my closet, but I am like you...I only have just a few that fit. I keep holding on to the others thinking one day I'll get back in them..but reality says otherwise. I need to make it a goal to put them on ebay..and try to make a bit of money to spend back on ME. The problem is, I can't just buy anything. I have a big chest, and it always means trying clothes on...so buying back from ebay for cheaper just isn't an option.
For you, though, I may be able to help...just from one mommy to another. The things in my closet that don't fit..well, most of them are size 16's or xl!!! If you want them, they are yours. I have been blessed over and over again with people helping me out..so this is the least I can do for someone else. If you will pm me your address, I will have these out to you this week!!!

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Shaking in my boots (well, if I was wearing them in the middle of summer!), but glad to be back!