I might ruffle some feathers about expressing my opinion here but I can't help myself. These husbands who go to work while their wives stay at home (taking care of the children, the house, and running the errands) and then have the audacity to say the money they earn is "their money" and they will "spend it how they like" need to be kicked in the teeth! What horrible disrespect to your wife, partner, and the mother of your children! I've been staying at home for over two years now, working very part time (40 hours a month) which means my husband is the breadwinner by a lot. How did my DH get to be the breadwinner? Well, his loving wife supported him and their children while he went to school full time for four years (plus a year-and-a-half while he looked for a job). Let me assure you that if he ever had the gall to tell me that the money he's bringing home was HIS MONEY, he would find himself living ALONE. He is able to work and make a living because I stay home and take care of everything else, just as I'm sure you SAHM's also do. I'm amazed at how many times I've read these type of comments on this board. That is such a blatant disrespect of what you mommies provide in your marriage. What an incredibly selfish attitude! My DH and I have been married for 12 years and have each been the breadwinner/sole wage earner at different times. Never ONCE did either one of us consider our paychecks as MY MONEY or HIS MONEY. It is OUR money to pay for OUR house, provide OUR food, and take care of OUR children. If these men were to get divorced, they would be ordered to pay alimony to their ex-wives and support for the children. It seems the courts sure don't view that paycheck as HIS MONEY. I'm sorry, but I just can't help feeling outraged at those types of disrespectful comments.

Sincerely,

Corie

(RIGHT ON, ACSA MOM!)

My dh used to overspend before we were married. He never had a checkbook. He just withdrew cash whenever he needed it. I talked him into getting a checkbook and it got quite a bit better. I advised him to only write checks for things (no matter what the price) for about 3 months. He started seeing how all of his little gas station stops and snacks at fast food joints were costing us, and really began to understand where all of his money was going. After we got married, he would always ask me why I was constantly so worried about money, because we have enough. He went grocery shopping with me one day, and saw how much effort I put into getting the best price for a product and keeping the grocery bill down. He said it was kind of funny. But when I showed him how much money we could save over a year doing that, He started trying to mimic my habits! Now he's more frugal than I am! The same thing goes with smoking - we both do, and I have tried numerous times to quit by myself because he wouldn't. I've always failed because we are around each other constantly and he would always light one up and I couldn't handle it. Then I showed him how much money we would save (over 2,000 a year) and now he's finally willing to start trying to quit!

I think a lot of men have trouble keeping the long term goal in focus. They have a hard time remembering that the little stuff adds up. Maybe if you show him yearly totals of what he spends on the "little things" - like actually sit down and do the math together, those big numbers would stick in his head. Come up with things that you could spend that money on that he would get really excited about. Our change jar (which he thought was a waste of time to start with) is for new windows and for our flat panel tv - the change part goes toward windows (we're doing them one at a time), the bills to the tv (which is mostly for him, because I don't watch tv). We've already bought 4 new windows since we have been saving. This is what worked for us?!

My DH is no better. Everyonce in awhile I make a list of the past few months & list every MAC withdrawal he's made & have to show it to him on paper for him to get it. I get so frustrated. Money doesn't grow on trees. I wish he felt the same way I do. The one thing I did do was open my own checking acct & i deposit my pay in there & write bills from my acct, this way he can't touch it. I didn't know what else to do. I sell AVON on the side for extra money & this is also my way of keeping track of that money (if he happens to ask about my own acct )

Mine is getting better. I keep him informed of our bank account status!

We don't have this problem in our house either . . .

Thank you Ascamom!!


I totally agree with the Feeling that I Am Here watching His Children so He was Able to Work harder and Pursue his Career - that is an Age old Rant of Mine in this house hold.
Not that it always is a Bad thing ,... but if it is ever Once Mentioned that I Don't Work I Get Mad for this Very Reason.

But with the money issue I nipped that in the Bud Years ago.

I Demanded I Get his Debit Card. And I Gave him his allowance For the Week.
If he Needed More He had to ask me OR Take On a Side Job or whatever to Get extra Money.
That was 10 yrs. ago , and I Am Now Happy to Say that my Dh has Matured A Little bit He is now allowed to have his Debit Card again. He Gets 60.00 a Week
And that is it.
He Doesn't even pay for gas - But he Needs 60.00
He also Has his Own Checking account with Debit Card too. He puts any side Job Money in there and that is his. And I Could Care less about it.
He acted like a Child And Saw nothing Wrong with Taking From Our BILL money Too Many times , so that is why I Became the Be- yotch that I had to Be about The Money.
God that was such an Aggravating time.
Dh used to Check the balance and think - " Ok , there is 350.00 in there, I can spend 20.00 No Problem "
What Dh failed to Realize is that there were 340.00 Worth of bills Being Deducted that Week So We have Paid Bounced Check Fees of 30.00 Many a Time.
Actually , i have threatened to Leave over that Debit card issue - yrs.ago

My husband sticks to our budget well. We both know how much is in the checking account, how much cash we have, and how much is on the credit cards (those are mostly emergency only). I have the bills listed each week including tithe, gas, groceries, and little things. My husband likes to go to QT and get sodas (only $2 for both of us) every day. But we budget that in there or sometimes he will use change from the car.

My husband doesn't tell me to get a job. Why? Because I have one. I am a homeschooling stay at home mom. I work just as much as he does, some days more so. I get up the same time as him, his house is clean every day, his laundry is done every day, his kids our happy and safe. I prepare his breakfast and lunch for work every day (because I choose not because he "makes" me) Spouses who work need to know we are working hard at home.

Not that he would have a right to complain, but I could understand him feeling upset if I was our running around every day or the house wasn't clean or whatever. And before someone gets made about that comment, it is just like if I was cleaning the house and really working hard one day while he sat in front of the tv and did nothing all day long. That is not fair. And it is not fair for him to go to work and work hard for 8-10 hours a day while I sit at home and do nothing or go shopping and lunch dates and so on. We both need to work and be fair. A marraige is each person giving 100%. I have no right to tell him what to do and not do with the money and he has no right to tell me what to do and not do with the money. We both know what is going on and discuss financial things. Even spending $5 we discuss.

__________________
Jenifer
Proud wife to one amazing man
Proud mom to four awesome kids

April showers bring May flowers
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Wow.
Im really at a loss for words - and that's a first for me. First of all, we are a one income family of four because we both chose it this way. From the start, my husband wouldn't idealize the thought of "well since I work I feel I should get whatever" as rational for we are a family. He makes the money, its my job to take care of it and put it to good usage. I give him a biweekly allowence of 20 dlls for his little ods and ends, I pack his lunch. He carries a cc for his gas or emergencies and is always sure to bring back a receipt. I believe he likes not having to worry about the finances and agrees upon my standards. Whenever he needs something we get it, but its very seldom.

__________________

You must be the change you want to see in the world ~ Gandhi

You know, as much as I don't like the idea of "I make the money, therefore it's mine to spend as I like", I also don't like the idea of "I give him X amount for his allowance each week" either. And many complaining about the first go on to say the second.

DH & I are a team and together we worked out our budget and together we stick to it. Both concepts above are very selfish and very one-sided, in my opinion.

I agree. I would be totally hurt and offended if my husband came to me and said here is your allowance. We are a team. We both work, in different ways but both work, and we both take an active role in our finances.

__________________
Jenifer
Proud wife to one amazing man
Proud mom to four awesome kids

April showers bring May flowers
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6