my 6 year old gets choice between two items i select for her, and same with my 3 year old. i pick between the items up for selection and ask what do you want? apples or pears? juice or water that kind of thing. at home they can have a larger variety to choose from. but if we are out then they canchoose from what i choose for them to begin with.

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Kimberley

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I do let ds make choices (he's 5) and have for many years (maybe since he was 2? Maybe before?) BUT I'm not 'silly' (the word we use instead of Stupid) about it! For instance, when ds was younger he really DID care about what color shirt he wore. I gave him a choice and I have to say that ALL the choices I give are acceptable to ME firstly!! But for the last year or so he just tells me if I ask him what color shirt he wants to wear, "I don't care" so I just choose for him. Or if I ask him what he wants for breakfast and he can't make up his mind, I just tell him after a certain amount of time, "If you can't decide in 10 seconds I'll choose for you" and then I do.

I don't overwhelm him and like I said I make each choice something that firstly is acceptable to me! Let me tell you, if he was 18 mos. there was no way he was having a chocolate chip muffin (he didn't even have candy until he turned 3) why would I give him that option?

Yes, my parents just made all the choices for me too, but honestly I hated it.

My 5-yr old DD would completely disagree with you. In her mind, she doesn't get enough choices. She would tell you that she's ordered around all the time.

For instance, she NEVER gets the option of whether she's going to run errands with me. I'm dragging her around town whether she likes it or not because there is no way I can leave her at home alone. Likewise, she goes to school because I say so. At school she's told what to do and when to do it all morning long. When she goes to 1st grade, her day will be filled with more of the same.

DD is allowed to make age appropriate choices. She's allowed to say what she wants to have for breakfast - among a long list of standing choices (ie: she can't chose candy) and taking into consideration any time constraints. For the most part, she picks out her own clothes as long as her selection is appropriate for the occassion. Even at the store when she was 2 years old she was allowed to give a 'thumbs up or down' on which items I purchased. And yes, at a coffee shop I may ask if she wants a muffin. How do I know if she is hungry or not! I can imagine her dashing to the display case to look at all the choices and I'd point out a couple of items she can select among. If she doesn't make up her mind, I'll give her a time constraint "because others are waiting".

One thing I do that I know a lot of parents don't is once a kid makes up their mind, I make them stick with it. In other words, she can't take one nibble out of a cinnamon muffin and declare she really wanted the raspberry flavored one instead. She gets told, "Next time you can select the raspberry muffin."

Our children are growing up in a world of multiple choices so I figure one of the skills I have to help them learn is how to make a choice and stay with it. Yes, making a choice locks us out of making other choices in the future. It is hard to make some of these decisions - and live with the consequences.

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It's all in how you do it I think...depends on the parent, the child, the situation etc

I've always given my children age appropriate choices, and I have no problem just making the decision for them if they can't step up to the plate (like at a resturant or other situation where someone is waiting). If we are some place where there might be more than two or three items to choose from or I think they might need a minute or two to figure it out, I have them decide on teh sidelines before I'm making other people wait. I was in a local coffee shop once behind a Mom with two toddlers and she held up the line for way too long. Some people left the shop. I'm not a fan myself of listening someone talk to their toddler like they're a mini adult in making decisions about cookies or drinks. Or listening to the Mom trying to describe each individual item to them. Oh you'll like the lemonade it tastes like sunshine! No...it's not hot like the sun. The sun is a STAR, did you know that?

Step away from the line and talk all you want...just don't make others wait on you. I just think it's rude.

I also notice in the grocery store sometimes...parents telling the kids 'oh pick any cereal you want!'. Oh you can't have that one! L.OL! How about, do you want corn flakes or rice krispies. That is a choice a child can make...why make it so complicated?

Oy vey!

A couple of weeks ago I was looking around for a DVD at Blockbuster. There was a woman talking on her cell phone to her son and asking which movie he wanted (very loudly) well this went on for 10 min. she read what every movie was about (had to be a child because of the movies she was picking) anyway she started crying to him on the phone that she was tired of reading and just pick one please. I could not believe it. I personally thought what a pathetic parent! That's just silly! She had real tears, was the kid going to punish her if she chose the wrong one?

Yes I let my kids make some decisions but within reason to their age its part of learning.

My DH and I give our kids plenty of age appropriate choices. They are 3 1/2 and 4 1/2.
We make sure that once they make a decision that they stick with it. We also talk to them about their choices. This gives us plenty of insight into how they are thinking and also a chance to teach them things. We do not let them hold up lines. Nor do we let them dictate what we are going to be doing.

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