Do we give our kids too many options?

Doozer · **Do we give our kids too many options?**

I am of the opinion that we give our kids too many options. As an adult, I feel overwhelmed with all the options we face on a daily basis. Paper or plastic? Debit or credit? Full or self serve? Matte or glossy finish? Granite or laminate? Rent or buy? Buy or lease? And then once you make that decision, there are fifty more options to choose from.

We encourage our kids to be independent and self sufficient. We also encourage them to be "in charge" of their lives, but do we always need to give them options? I personally think at my sons ages, I will make the decisions for them, until they are of an age that they can HANDLE their decisions. What I mean by that? Well if we go out for dinner and we ask "what do you guys want to eat" and my son Zach says "shrimp", than answer is no. He will get a pizza or corn dog. Why? Because to him shrimp means shrimp poppers, not shrimp scampi (one of the most expensive items on the menu!!)

I don't ever remember having to make so many decisions as a child either. My parents guided us through life until we were in Elementary school and based on how they raised us, I was able ot make my own mind up...but to turn to a three year old, and sometimes two year old and ask for their opinion, is so crazy to me!!!!

Where is this coming from you ask? LOL

I was out to coffee with some MOMS Club folks yesterday. The mom I was standing in line with asked her eighteen month old which muffin she wanted. Well to her all of them look good (they do to us adults too!!!) For almost five minutes we stood in line waiting for an eighteen month old to make up her mind. I thought that was absurd!! I simply walked up tot eh counter, ordered a blueberry bagel. Took it back to the table and said "here boys, here's a bagel". If they protested, I ate it! (they know that!!).

Edited to add: the little girl ended up choosing a chocolate chip muffin and did not even eat half of it. The muffin cost $2.00!!!!!

Maybe I am just too old fashioned...

Kellyandgirls · 04-14-2007, 08:13 AM

it all depends! If we are home they do get choices!! and IfI am out and they get a choice they have to decide quick!! I will ask do you want Strawberry or Raspberry!! not to a whole extent of too much!! And there are days that I will just get the item!! they take what they get!! it all depends on things like if we have time and (like in your case if there is no one behind us etc!! my kids are 5 and 7 ~ my 5 yr old Is VERY strong willed so I learned early with her that I needed to let her make her choices or we woul dhave battles!!

AyeOhKay · 04-14-2007, 08:21 AM

I completely agree with you, Christy K! Many parents give their kids all these decisions. Then, when the parent doesn't let the child decide something for themselves, the child has a meltdown. The parent gets mad and doesn't understand where the behavior is coming from.

I believe in teaching by example. If we let kids make their own decisions before they are old enough to witness and comprehend the example, we've failed them. IMO

beautifulbabies · 04-14-2007, 08:24 AM

I think children should have SOME choices. I guess it depends on the 18 month old but that sounds a bit young though to pick a muffin. I think the thing the parent did wrong was to hold up the line. It depends a lot of the ages of your kids. Personally, I would totally let my 4 year old pick her muffin but she would have had to have made her choice by the time we got to the counter or I would make it for her. I always ask the kids what they want from McDonald's or places like that, but again, they have to decide by our turn or they lose their chance. Kids have preferences and cravings too and especially when it makes no difference, they should be able to express those preferences. Why make your kid eat a blueberry muffin if they would prefer a cinnamon bagel? There are plenty of times the kids don't get a choice so on things like meals when we are eating out or the color shirt we are buying, I let them pick.

AyeOhKay · 04-14-2007, 08:28 AM

I might add to my post that I do believe in choices, just AGE-APPROPRIATE and CIRCUMSTANCE-APPROPRIATE choices. I mean I wouldn't pick the muffins for my 5-,7- & 10-year olds, but I wouldn't allow my 20 year old to pick. However, I do have friend that allow their 18 mo. olds to dictate EVERYTHING in their lives, and that scares me.

newlywed0610 · 04-14-2007, 08:30 AM

I thought it was just me who was thinking about this!!

I see the same thing - that we give children so many choices. I see this in my classroom a lot, too. Some children just have no prior experience with an adult making a decision for them. Those children have a meltdown if they are told that it is not their job to make that choice. I could go on and on here, but another example is at McDonald's.

As you all know, I am working there on the weekends to help kill our debt. I work the front counter, which means I am the person that takes the order. It is funny how many parents will ask a 2 year old what kind of Happy Meal they want. The parents KNOW what food their children eat, but even when there is a lobby full of people waiting, the parents wait and wait and wait for a response from the child. Of course, when you are 2 or 3 years old, you can't make up your mind, so it becomes a whole conversation. Oh, it's kind of funny to watch, but boy, the people in line get upset.

Now, that being said, it is important that children learn in early childhood that life is full of choices, and that there are consequences to their choices. If they choose the hamburger, they learn that is what they have to eat. They can't change their minds in a minute and get the nuggets. That's a big thing for 2 and 3 year olds to learn. But they also need to know that the grownups in charge (parents, day care teachers, teachers, etc.) will make choices for them, and that some things just aren't their choice.

AyeOhKay · **Ooops!**

Quote:

Originally Posted by AyeOhKay

but I wouldn't allow my 20 year old to pick.

Ahh! I wish we could edit! Sometimes I think faster than I type! I meant my 20 month old! Yikes!

Doozer · 04-14-2007, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AyeOhKay

I might add to my post that I do believe in choices, just AGE-APPROPRIATE and CIRCUMSTANCE-APPROPRIATE choices. I mean I wouldn't pick the muffins for my 5-,7- & 10-year olds, but I wouldn't allow my 20 year old to pick. However, I do have friend that allow their 18 mo. olds to dictate EVERYTHING in their lives, and that scares me.

Yes, I agree AyeOhKay. I was going to say this very thing to response to Beautifulbabies.

I of course agree it should be an age appropriate thing. I certainly am no dictator...however, depending on their age and circumstance I will be!

My four year old is very capable to telling me his likes and dislikes, however when it comes to social settings, he tends to want to change things up and want something new to him and then not like it. So because we were in a coffee shop, I ordered the bagel for him and he split it with his brother (who is two). They both ate it. However, in the spirit of trying things that are new, if we were out as a family I would probably let him split something new with his dad or I.....again, it depends on the circumstance!

JeannetteDavis · 04-14-2007, 09:08 AM

My 5 and 6 year olds have some choices....which shirt they want to wear for the day, what they want for breakfast (but I give them two things to choose from), or which movie we watch at movie time (again..limiting their choices). My 2 1/2 year old gets very few choices yet. I may hold out 2 shirts and let her pick which one, or I may hold up a banana or grapes and let her choose which one, but she gets precious little options. She is just learning how to make good choices...which I am guiding her to learn to do. Parents who give their kids unlimited options are ridiculous. Be the parent!!! Not the friend!!!

I completely agree with you, Christy.

mom-of-2 · 04-14-2007, 11:12 AM

I too believe that many parents give their young children too many options. This causes nothing but chaos and confusion. I am all for age appropriate decisions though sauch as I do let my 4 year old pick her food when we go out and I lt her help me pick her clothes from school when we have time.