Hello Everyone!

I have a 5 year old daughter and a 2 year old son.

Becuz my youngest is now able to engage with his sister, it seems the household has gotten more intense. They don't share as well, he is in the tantrum stage, etc.

I feel lately like I've lost my touch with positive reinforcement for my 5 year old and wondered if anyone had any successful ideas to share.

Thank you to all! This continues to be such a great sharing place

jessica

Actually, the 5-yr old shouldn't be having many tantrums, the 2-yr old yes.

My advice is to not take sides. I know it is often tempting to tell the 5-yr old that he is the one who has to be understanding of the younger sibling. However, the 2-yr old has to learn to 'play fair', too. Often they don't. If they can't play nice together, then both of them lose out on being able to play.

Positive re-enforcement is just a matter of catching them when they are doing the right thing. For that, you'll have to watch them when they FIRST start playing together. Usually they behave in the first few minutes. That's when to praise. When things disintegrate simply say, "I'm so happy that you both played well together for so long but you're ready for something else now. Chose a new activity then you can play together again later."

__________________
"I've been rich and I've been poor but independently wealthy is where it is at."

It sounds like your kids and just like mine. I have a 5 and 2 yr old and a 10 month old. My 5 whines and cries more than the 2 yr old, but she is starting to do the throw the body on the floor tantrums now, which is so fun. I am trying the postive reinforcement also, but along with that holding the 2 yr old more accountable for what she is doing.

I know how you feel, its hard but there are good days and bad.

__________________
Mom to the 3A's
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all is well.

It improved for me as the kids got a bit older - now they are 3 and 6 and play together nicely most of the time. My husband invented a game he likes to do with them called "The Taking Turns Game" - that way everyone gets a chance to decide on an activity. The 6 yr old might want to wrestle with dad, so they all wrestle for a bit, then the 3 yr old wants to cook silly meals in her kitchen, so they do that for awhile and pretend to love the weird combinations, then my husband chooses something like doing push-ups and the kids climb on his back for added resistance. I'm guessing this wouldn't work for most moms (certainly not for me with the push-ups!), but if you allow one of the kids to lead for awhile, then give the other a turn, this can help smooth things over. It can be hard to find activities sometimes that both kids can equally enjoy, but things like painting and playdough encourage them to have fun together, while on different levels. We're still figuring it out here too.