I offered to watch a preschool aged boy from my daughter's class a couple of afternoons per week. He is with me approximately 3 hours on Tuesday and 3 on Thursday.

Our first week of keeping him began this past Tuesday. He threatened to hit my daughter if she didn't play with him. Leading up to that, she had told him she didn't want to play, she wanted to rest, and he kept getting in her face, gritting his teeth and being very aggressive with her toys in a threatening way toward her. It was upsetting her so she told him to stop it. I left to use the restroom and this is when I heard him say he was going to hit her if she didn't play with him. Well, naturally she started crying because he was threatening her. I sent him to time out so I could cool off...I was pissed....then when I let him out I attempted to talk to him about why we don't threaten people, etc..and the kid won't make eye contact. He looks all over the place, doesn't sit still. When he eats lunch, he hops up and down in his chair, has no focus and it takes him 40 minutes...no joke. Well, on Thursday, I asked him if he needed to go to the bathroom and he said yes, well I started to take him, then he said he didn't have to. I told him it's important to try so we don't have an accident. Then he got really angry and screamed "I told you I don't have to go to the bathroom and I tell my Mom I don't either!!" He was MAD. I took a step back and told him he may not speak to me like that, it's inappropriate. Well, guess what...he peed his pants. Then lied about it. He told me he spilled water. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for a little while, then asked him again...he lied again. Well, then later he hit my dd in the head with a chair. He proceeded to lie and tell me that she was crying because she fell down!!!! I was biting my tongue and I sent him to time out again. I dealt with my dd, til she stopped crying. Then I went to him and he said "I was starting to cry in time out" I told him that's good, maybe you thought about what you did wrong! So I proceeded to talk to him about hitting etc...and he wouldn't look at me, it's like his eyes are totally somewhere else, not focused, like outer space or something! It's almost like he has no feelings about hurting people. He doesn't feel bad at all!! And if he does, I'm oblivious to it. The preschool teacher even warned me about him, that he's a "handful". I think he sits in "the chair" at preschool frequently.
I don't know what to do. First, the kid kind of scares me...something is wrong there, but I don't know how to deal with it. I also feel like I need to be near him every minute becuase I don't trust him and don't know what he's going to do next. Second, I don't enjoy having to tell his Mom everyday when she picks him up that he's threatening and hitting my child, being aggressive and non-feeling! I'm already discouraged, don't want to let this Mom down, but I fear it's not going to get better and I don't know if I want this challenge.
Advice please!!

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Why treat someone like a priority when all they see you as is an option?

If it were me, I'd apologize to the mom and say it's just not working out. What is the mother's reaction when you tell her he's not behaving? Does she look or act concerned?

Not concerned, but embarassed I think. She says...yeah I'll talk to him. I don't know what happens when they go home. I don't know if she follows through or not. I am thinking and praying on this over the next couple of days. I can't leave her in the lurch but it just isn't worth it for any of us. I'm the type of person who absorbs other people's problems and then if I can't fix it I get in a major funk. I don't want to do that...this year I want to start to say NO to more people and YES to myself.

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Why treat someone like a priority when all they see you as is an option?

Give her notice (is 2-4 weeks appropriate?) that you are done watching him. I would let her know you find his behavior and aggressive acts disturbing. You shouldn't have to put up with that, and your dd should definitely not have to put up with being assaulted in her own house. Yes kids hit at times, but they don't throw chairs or threaten to hit if someone doesn't play with them. I feel sorry for the child because the mother sounds like she is clueless.

Yes, I think I will talk to her Tuesday morning at drop off. This way the kids aren't around when I talk to her. I just can't do this. Can't put my daughter through it and I'm not in a place to "fix" him.

What's really disappointing is that when we met to discuss the arrangements she said he was a good boy. I'm sorry but I would warn people about my child's behavior before I left them with someone new!! I have high standards for my children's behavior, and I expect them to treat people with respect. For her to tell me he's a good boy...what a mess!!

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Why treat someone like a priority when all they see you as is an option?

Well, he may be a good boy, but he definitely has issues. This isn't just hyperactivity. He's a danger to your daughter. His mom probably doesn't know what to do with him.

I would get him away from your daughter. IF you dare talk to the mom about it, and if you think she'll listen, you can let her know that she can have testing done through the school district to see if he has any developmental issues. If so, there are district preschools she can send him to who are better equipped to deal with this. However, if this is a child with only behavioral issues (which seem to be a rarity), then he'll test out fine and she should talk to his ped., as some therapy could be needed. Hate to say it, but he shouldn't be your problem, and you would be helping the mom if you let her know there may be a better place for him. My son wasn't aggressive, but his behavioral issues led a friend to help me by telling me about district testing. I had NO idea there was help. I only knew that my son wouldn't work well in the standard setting, and it would be a setup for failure. It was a relief for me to find out I wasn't alone, nor was my kid a "bad" kid.

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Make someone's heart smile today.

Thank you for sharing your personal experience. As far as developmental issues...the preschool teacher insists he is very smart. He's capable in that manner. The Mom is a single Mom who is going to college and working a couple of nights per week. I don't know if this has anything to do with his behavior. I don't know if she's so overwhelmed with school, etc...that she doesn't notice there is a big problem here. I'm a firm believer of nipping things in the bud and finding the root of the problem so it can be worked with. Otherwise this poor child is going to continue on this path.

You're right...it would be a huge disservice to this Mom and child to keep him here, where I do not have the ability to manage him, or provide him with what he needs. I have a positive environment but this child needs something much more than a positive role model. Not to mention my child should NOT have to feel threatened in her own home, and I don't want to have a coronary!

Usually when I talk to the Mom, and tell her what has happened, she says.."okay" in this sing-song kind of voice...so I don't know if she's being polite, or if I'm getting through, or if she even deals with it.

I have to find a way to approach her delicately so as not to offend her but make it obvious that she should pursue another avenue and make some discoveries about his behavior and how to cope with it.

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Why treat someone like a priority when all they see you as is an option?

I wouldnt watch him. JMO, but I wouldnt want him with my kids.