I have co-slept with our almost 4 yr old since day one, its what felt right at that time, and what was comfertable, and for paranoia reasons, like someone kidnapping him from his room. But I know fear can't take the best of you, I mean, I think it would make my son insecure as well.

So I decided to have him sleep in his own room, I believe that its so important for children to have their own space, I remember as a child that my room was my domain, my world, with the things I loved.
But I also feel the need to have my own space in my bedroom, our bedroom, my husbands and I's, is this selfish for me to think?

I am still dealing with paranoia issues, like what if someone does a home invasion and I can't get to my son, or kidnap him, or a fire, or god knows what else. I just worry too much.
But I know, that its also good for him to have his own room, and sleep in his own bed, he doesn't seem to have problems with it.

Do you think its important for children who are at my son's age to have their own room, and sleep in their own bed, with ofcourse occasionally sleeping in your bed.
I always felt it would give them a sense of independance, a place they can go to, that is just for them only.

I probably make no sense, I am just struggling with this.

I too have had the paranoia issue with worrying about someone breaking in. I would lay there at night planning our escape route. But that was planned with him in his own bed. My son is also almost 4 and when he was new born he slept in a cradle right next to my bed, as soon as he was sleeping through the night for the most part he was in his crib. I had a monitor though which helped put my mind at ease. I have heard people have co-slept with there children but I didn't think that was the best thing. As a couple my husband and I need our own private space, I didn't want my dh to feel he was being replaced, alot of my attention is focused on the baby as it is. And I didn't want to start a bad habit that would be difficult to break later. There will plenty of issues that come naturally I didn't want to cause any. I don't know how I would transition him now being 4. Does he go to bed the same time as you?

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"Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body." ~Anonymous

He goes to bed at 9pm, that is when we go to read stories and such.

I also have a monitor, that I have in his room, so that does put me at ease. But like you, I can picture and imagine what i would do if I was put in that situation.
We live in a big city, with alot of crime, I can't wait to move to a smaller town, hopefully in about a year we will be able to move away from this place.
But still, you can live in a small town and something could happen, so I am just praying everyday, and having faith that God will watch over my child.

I pray everynight with him for God to keep us all safe.

I just don't want to make this into a bigger habit, and my husband and I were happy to have co-slept, but I just long for privacy sometimes, I love my child more then life, but I also need ME time. I love reading in bed, and when he is in our bed, I can't leave the light on.

Alright, first of all, I am sooo glad to hear other parents have this same paranoia because I really thought maybe I was nuts!

I think it is important for kids that age to have their own room. It's nice for them to have a place all their own that they can go to and close the door if they want. (I have a 3yr old and 2yr old and my 3yr old loves to go in her room and shut the door when she needs a break from Sissy.) Why not try out an alarm system or try the "First Alert System" (you've probley seen it on tv, just sticks to doors and windows and alarms when they are open). It's very inexpensive and I think I'm going to get them since we are military. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/Alert-Instant-.../dp/B0009QAJSS

I'm sure he'll love it if you decorate his room in a character or theme he enjoys and it'll make him easier on him and you. Good luck!

We have an "alarm system" two dogs, one is part wolf I know she'll eat whoever comes in alive. LOL And we have pretty secure windows, they are double glass, that have a lock on the bottom, so if someone would open it they wouldn't be abl;e to open all the way, and if they break the glass, they'd be stupid because then they'll have my husband and father in law ready with a rifle. ROFL!!!!!!!

I don't know why I continue being so paranoid, I just need to chill out. LOL

We decorated his room with thomas the train stuff, he loves his room. So I am sure HE will be fine, its ME that has some issues to work on. LOL

i still am worried someone might break in and take my daughter and shes 9 . i dont know if it ever goes away

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Wife to Marc , Mommy to Kayla

I think because I had so much input from my mom when I was raising my sons as babies that I raised them "old-school". Babies didn't sleep with their parents, they got used to their own cribs - that sort of mentality. So now that they're older, them being in their room is second-nature. It's always been that way. They never had to get used to it, and neither did I. So I guess I can't really relate on that part.

But as for the paranoia, you and I have kinda talked about this, you know how I am. I just have faith that it won't be my house. I will wake up if it is. My husband and I will whip some serious can if someone breaks in. I do have a smoke alarm in the hallway where the rooms meet. And I have an extinguisher next to my bed (will also come in handy when it comes time for me to beat someone senseless if they get in my house). I can't live any other way. I've always been in bad neighborhoods. So if I stayed thinking about that forever, I couldn't breathe or function properly. I just have little plans in my mind to help ease me to sleep at night on those paranoid ones, and I hope to never have to use them.

My kids all have their own "spaces", too...their rooms are done to their own preferences...and I think they all feel like that their rooms are their havens. I do think it is important...a place to go that is special just to them..just as we need a place to go just for us.

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You always have a way making me feel better.
We also have a smoke alarm in the hallway where our bedrooms are, so that is good.
And I have a baseball bat that I am not scared of using on anyone that comes near my family.

I must sound like a lunatic.

Ok breathe ann. LOL!!!

We co-sleep too... Our son started sleeping on mattress beside our bed when he was 11 mos (my pregnant belly needed room!) but he only moved to another room after he was 2. Lilia, nearly 2, is still nursing & sleeps with us now, but for the sake of her having better sleep (we always wake her up when we come to bed, just from the motion of the bed) we'll be moving her to the children's room over the next weeks, if all goes to plan.

That said, co-sleeping is partially about security, but the priority is the emotional security of your child and has nothing to do with his age. Like with breastfeeding, it's something that should be continued as long as all parties involved are happy with the arrangements. If he's ready to sleep without you & your dh, then I would say, yeah, go ahead & start transitioning him to his own room. He'll undoubtedly still crawl back in with you sometimes, but big deal! If he wants to cuddle at 4 in the morning, then at least you can still be in your own bed! BUT if he isn't ready to sleep by himself, don't force him; it would really be more stress & tears than it's worth. But I think your bedtime routine sounds great & as long as that is maintained, you probably won't have too much trouble. If he knows Mommy & Daddy are right across the hall (or whatever), then he can feel safe in his own room too.

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Katie
Devoted wife to Michael the architect (12/29/01)
Catholic Mama to Lucas John (9/27/03) and Lilia Mae (12/8/04) and our new baby due next June!
I stay at home; we plan our family & birth naturally, co-sleep, breastfeed/extended-breastfeed, babywear (Daddy does too!), and will homeschool!