My son is lying....

Jodie · **My son is lying....**

My almost five year old has taken up lying. Has anyone else had to deal with this?

He does stuff like "Mommy i want some juice".......i get him juice and he says "I said milk mom"........I know he did not say milk.

He threw something yesterday dangerously close to a baby i watch. Looked me right in the eye and told me he didn't do it even though there was no other way it could have landed where it did unless it was thrown.

He does little silly things....like "mom you have a mouse on your head".....I mean i know i don't have a mouse on my head....but it seems he likes saying things like that because it's a lie but it's more like a joke.

Is this just a phase? Will it pass? Why do you think they do this?

Thanks for any info,
Jodie

Cookie2 · 05-22-2008, 12:02 PM

It is a phase.

Concentrate on the educating him on the behavior you want to see. If he threw the toy, don't call him a liar, simply explain you don't want him to do it again. If he changed his mind about the drink, direct him on how to handle it. You want him to say, "I changed my mind. May I have milk instead?"

He is realizing his personal power and this is an important developmental milestone. You don't want quash his independece but you also want him to be responsible for his actions.

Jodie · 05-22-2008, 12:05 PM

Thank you Cookie2.....I too think it's a phase....i just didn't experience this with my first son. Thanks for the suggestions on how to deal with it. I must admit it is very frustrating at times.

Cheesecake Lady · 05-22-2008, 01:37 PM

It is a phase, but it can be a long and frustrating phase. At that age they are also testing the boundaries as to what is accepted and tolerated behavior. Part of it is learning how to funny, but at that age they don't understand sarcasim.

When he has done nothing wrong ask him if he knows the difference between telling the truth and telling a lie. When I went through this phase with my almost 6 yr old (and we still have bouts) he really didn't know what "lie" meant. When I rephrased it to "did it actually happen" or "did it not happen" then he understood.

I agree with redirecting how to ask for things and change his mind. My two year old LOVES to say - "it's okay mommy, I changed my mind". Yeah, but it would have been nice to know this before mommy got a cup. poured the juice, put it away and served it to you, kwim? Eventually I have to put a stop to it and tell him "It's okay if you don't want juice right now, but mommy can't pour it back into the container. When you finish the juice you asked for, mommy would be happy to get you some milk."

When it comes to hurting or endangering others or himself a time out may need to be given if he is not telling you the whole truth. Explain what his action could have done.

HTH and good luck!

Cheesecake Lady · 05-22-2008, 01:45 PM

I should have added that the next phase is "Cover up". It is amazing how their minds work and one lie snowballs into full on stories. I guess good that they can think ahead but bad because they get more mischievous.

The other day my 5 yr old was tattling on the 2 yr old. He went into big brother's room and ate two pieces of candy. So I asked 5yr old if he encouraged 2 yr old to do it - "NO" of course. I asked him if he ate any candy - "NO" of course not. "Why didn't you come and tell mommy that he was in brother's room?" "Because I didn't want to get in trouble"ha ha. So then the 2 yr old tells on 5 yr old. Pointing fingers here. 5 yr old opens mouth to show me there is no chocolate in his mouth. A few minutes later he asks me if I am proud of him for brushing his teeth all by himself. Dun Dun Dun...I look in sink and he forgot to clean out the evidence. He had eaten chocolate.

This is only the tip of the iceberg

But clearly you are not the only one suffering. When they get to be teenagers they perfect the act but forget that you were once a kid too and probablly tried it already

Kellyandgirls · 05-22-2008, 02:00 PM

my youngest dd used to do this as well!! she would even come to me and tell me daddy hit her!! (I was right there so I know better) things like that!! it made my dh mad!! anyhow I just told her it was not nice to say things like that unless it really did happen!! anyhow good luck!!!

Stormy · 05-23-2008, 06:06 AM

I think it's 100% perfectly normal!!!

For the first case, when he asked for juice and then wanted milk, I'd take it in his head he changed his mind and maybe thought he said it. I'd just ignore that one, and say, "you asked for juice and here it is". Case closed.

For the baby thing, I wouldn't even put him in the position to lie. I wouldn't ask him if he did it, I'd just say, "I saw you throw something close to the baby, do not do that".

As far as the mouse, he is just using his imagination. I'd probably squeak in fright playfully, pretend it was really there, and then laugh with him.

I think it is normal and 100% fine. I don't even call things like this at that age lies. To me they are a 'mis-truth' and aren't outright sneaky lies. Those to me are the ones to watch out for, when he's older, maybe around 6. At not even 5, to me he is fine.

Jodie · 05-23-2008, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stormy

I think it's 100% perfectly normal!!!

For the first case, when he asked for juice and then wanted milk, I'd take it in his head he changed his mind and maybe thought he said it. I'd just ignore that one, and say, "you asked for juice and here it is". Case closed.

I understand what you are saying but he does this alot. It wasn't the one time. I think he does it more to trick me because he thinks it's funny. I don't though.

[/quote]For the baby thing, I wouldn't even put him in the position to lie. I wouldn't ask him if he did it, I'd just say, "I saw you throw something close to the baby, do not do that".[/quote]

I didn't see him though. I just knew it wasn't possible for it to land where it did and for him to get back to the position he was in.

[/quote]As far as the mouse, he is just using his imagination. I'd probably squeak in fright playfully, pretend it was really there, and then laugh with him.[/quote]

I do agree with this. I do play around with him most of the time. I just was concerned because of the other issues.

[/quote]I think it is normal and 100% fine. I don't even call things like this at that age lies. To me they are a 'mis-truth' and aren't outright sneaky lies. Those to me are the ones to watch out for, when he's older, maybe around 6. At not even 5, to me he is fine.[/quote]

I do trust your opinion Stormy so i will relax a little bit about this. Thanks for responding.

Jodie · 05-23-2008, 11:14 PM

Obviously I do not know how to quote different parts of a post. Sorry about that.....but you get the idea...right?

JenJoe725 · 05-27-2008, 08:54 PM

Normal phase. With my daughter I used a unique way to deal with lying. I would ask her if she was telling a truth or making up a story. It helped a lot.