My daughter is now 4 but hasn't spent that much time with her daddy. We didn't get married until she was 18 months old and she hardly ever saw him until then, 3 weeks later he left for Iraq for 8 months, and after 4 months home left to spend a year in Japan. The 6 months we've lived with him since he got home is the most time they've gotten to spend together. Between Iraq and Japan they became very close...she was a daddy's girl and he'd finally won boo-boo kissing rights. She understands that he's a marine and has to go away sometimes to help other people, she has a build-a-bear with his voice in it so he can say good night no matter what and we do crafts, cards, pictures...everything to help her stay connected. This homecomming though...she's regressed in potty training. She has accidents that aren't totally accidents...she pees in her closet or on her toys knowing full well "pee goes in the potty" And after a few poo accidents she's stopped going all together. She holds it in for up to 2 weeks until she has no choice! Most recently she's gone back to drawing on her walls and tonight she started ripping pages out of her favorite book. I have no idea what to do! She seems to think Daddy's the bad guy too because whenever she does anything she knows she's not supposed to she begs me not to tell Daddy. I have no idea what to do anymore especially considering our son is due early September and my husband is deploying again in early October...Is there a way to help her potty issues??? Get her to want to spend more time with Daddy??? What about stop breaking rules she's known since she was 2??? Someone please help

That's hard. Whem my dh went to Iraq our sons were 2 and 3. I didn't really have a lot of problems with my 2 year old but my oldest started acting out really bad. He was in Nursery school and he was hitting other kids and saying bad words that he never said before. I finally took him to see a therapist who gave me some childrens books about parents who are deployed. I read the books to him almost everynight and just kept emphasizing that daddy didn't leave because he wanted to but because it is his job. It's so hard at that age because they don't know how to deal with what they are feeling and can't put it into words. It's probably harder for her then it was for my ds because my dh only left for 1 year. Yours gets deployed then comes home for a little while and has to leave again, and that's harder to deal with. Would you consider bringing her to talk to someone? It might help her learn to say what she is feeling instead of acting it out. I hope things get better for her AND you, especially with a baby on the way.

First off, welcome to MS!!! I'm glad you posted.

My heart breaks for her. She is confused and hurting and she doesn't know how to tell you other than act out the way she is. Can DH sit down with her and read books while you record them? Then at night or when she needs daddy you can play the videos over and over?

Does DH have access to a video computer/phone that he can call and see her when possible?

I do agree that if you can find a specialist that deals with deployment issues like this it would be helpful to you and her. Can you have her help pick out all the new things for the baby? Have her help prewash bottles (if you are using them), help set up the nursery, etc. When the baby comes if you can make her feel like she is the biggest helper in the world that might help. Otherwise she may really regress if the baby gets all the attention AND daddy is gone, kwim?

She feels abandoned and that must be horrible for her. She doesn't want you to tell daddy because she thinks daddy will only be disappointed in her and leave for sure. Even though daddy will only reassure her it will be okay. I'm not saying not to correct the behavior, but what a difficult position to be in right now.

Do you know exactly how long he will be gone for on this deployment? Maybe get a jar that her and daddy decorate together. Inside the jar put Hershey kisses and hugs (I know it is candy, but...) then every day she gets to take out a kiss and a hug when she most needs it from daddy (or in the morning before she brushes her teeth or right before bed when she brushes her teeth). He can also write her love notes and notes of encouragement that she pulls out and you read to her. She can make a scrapbook of them with the date that she pulls them out.

I do wish you all well and thank your DH for serving for us!!!

HTH

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