My youngest will be 3 in August. He has always been much more of a handful than my oldest son ever was. He goes through phases where he will be great for a few months and then we will have a month or two of very challenging days. He seems to be entering another one of those phases and I am at my wits end. He goes after his 7 year old brother just to stir things up - he will poke on him, scream at him for sitting in "his" chair (which is the chair in my bedroom where he likes to sit and watch tv but it certainly isn't "his"), scream at his brother for watching something he is watching, picking up a toy that he isn't even playing with, whatever - everything is "no that is MINE, you can't play with that, you can't have that, you can't watch that, you can't do that" and it goes on and on. Now that school is out I just can't be dealing with this all day every day. The child has to learn he doesn't rule this household. He doesn't act like this at preschool, only at home. At home he has fits. If we are out running errands sometimes he will be great and sometimes he will throw a collosal fit and we will have to leave. You just never know. I don't drag him around to tons of places, but he ought to be able to handle a 5 minute errand every now and then.

So today he just woke up with a bad attitude. He had a few time outs before we even left the house at 9:30. We went to the library which they both love to do and he ran all over the place, laughing gleefully, taking off his shoes, just generally misbehaving. So we left. Then I had one more thing I had to do, we had a pep talk in the car, he said he would behave (I offered priveleges if he did and consequences if he didn't). We went in the store and he was awful. We left in about 30 seconds, me holding him while he was kicking and screaming. I manhandled him into his car seat while he screamed at me and tried to kick and hit me. I popped his hand (which I hardly ever do but he was trying to hit me) and he wouldn't settle down, so I got in the car and totally lost my cool. I yelled at him. I hate it when I do that. Then I started crying and he actually laughed when he saw me crying, which made me even more upset. I came home and put him in his room and told him to take a nap. He has been in there playing for 45 minutes and he keeps telling me he isn't tired but I am ignoring him. I apologized to my 7 year old for losing my cool and yelling and told him I was not proud of my behavior but moms are not perfect and we don't always make the best choices either. He was like whatever. Dh thinks he needs to be spanked but I disagree, but unfortunately my method is obviously not working, so we are at odds on how to discipline him. Ds doesn't know this - we have these discussions when he is not around to hear them, of course.

Another issue we are having is with sleep. I am wondering if he is overtired. He still naps for about 2 hours every day and he goes to sleep very quickly in the afternoons. He doesn't want to go to bed until around 9:30 at night, and he sleeps until around 7:30 AM. How much sleep does an almost 3 year old need? Dh thinks he needs to go to bed by 8 (and he thinks TOO BAD if he isn't tired, nobody ever asked him what time he wanted to go to bed as a kid - he thinks I am way too lenient). But no matter what time I put him to bed he doesn't go to sleep until 9:30 every night. So my theory is that that is all the sleep he needs, but maybe I am wrong. Maybe he is overtired and that is why he is acting out during the day. I don't know. I know I am rambling and if you got this far, thanks. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Should I just put him in the bed at 8 and go downstairs so I can't hear him crying and screaming? What do I do with this little terror?

To save your sanity, I would see if you can get him out of the two hour nap. My oldest was a bear at dinner time when I first took away the nap. It is so hard and painful but he will probably be able to go to bed at 8pm if you do it.

My girls are almost always bickering. I don't know what I'm going to do all summer. Hopefully we can get outside most days. Only 3 days of school left for us.

When DS was 2, I had to remove naps because he was a nightmare. He has always required very little sleep and I am lucky if he sleeps for 8 hours now and he is 6. I did make him be as active as possible during the day. We went to the playground, swam and he had "chores". I drew a bullseye on a magnet and stuck it on the lid of the washer. He thought it was so cool to shoot the target and it got some energy out while I did laundry. I did make him go to bed at 8pm no matter what and that is a rule to this day. He could play as long as he stayed in bed with the lights off. I did try letting him listen to soft music in the dark but I think it made stay awake. Good luck.

Toddlers need about 13 to 15 hours of sleep. Of course, this varies depending on the child. Right now your child is getting 10 at night plus two during the afternoon. He is probably fine but I would make the afternoon nap or 'quiet time' much earlier then move to eliminate it by the time he is 4.

Around the age of three, I had to start having what I call 'battle royales' with DD because of her obstinant behavior. When she was having one of her snotty moods I would clear my calendar for the day and focus on getting her to behave immediately - no warnings and the first time I gave her an instruction. If not she had a time out - on a chair, facing me while the timer clicked down (one minute per year of age). She had to silent and still during that time! If she wasn't, the timer started all over again. Trust me, some battle royales took a large part of the day.

It is disturbing that your son takes pleasure in making you 'lose it'. You might benefit from some parenting tips at this website ...

RadKid.Org: Reactive Attachment Disorder & Detachment Issues

... not that your son has an attachment disorder but the techniques are helpful anyway.

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"Poor people work for their money. Rich people make their money work for them."

I had to put my oldest down for a nap today. She was so hyper. She did so much over the weekend and I could tell. He may need a nap sometimes but not every day.

Do you put him down for a nap or does he just fall asleep? When my kids were that age (and I have one that will be 3 in August as well and this goes for him too as he doesn't nap), they would only take naps if they had a long day and fell asleep on their own. I did not put them down for a nap and found it hampered their going to sleep at night if I tried. I agree, try and phase out the naps and maybe that will help him go to bed earlier.

As for the behavior, have you talked to your child's pediatrician? I am in no way suggesting mediacting your child because that would be an absolute last resort for me, but they may have some suggestions you can can try for when you can *tell* your child is getting into one of these phases. Maybe he has some triggers that you can eliminate or modify? Sometimes it's not just "training" your child or battling with them, but something in their environment that needs to be changed.

I have no answers but hope you can find someone to help you both out.

I go through similar phases with Bob and just when I think I can't take it anymore he seems to snap out of it.


I would suggest talking to your son's doctor to find resources that might be helpful.

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Wendy~Self-proclaimed hippie momma to Bob and Jamie

Talk to your doctor. The thing I am most concerned about is him laughing when you cry. I don't mean to be rude but that just does not sound normal. Most kids that age would show concern not laugh about it.

Check out your local book store. I think there is a book about how to manage spirited children. It has all kinds of discipline techniques that work for chanllnging kids.

Check and see if he has 'allergy shiners'. My 3rd daughter was always difficult,, *still is* HOWEVER, a VERY large part of the problem when she was younger was actually allergies. She slept ALOT but wasn't 'resting' while sleeping. I hadn't put together the 'dark circles' under her eyes as allergy related,, thought it was 'just' sleep/lack of related.

They actually put her on claritin and it was like a psychological medication, the change was so huge and immediate!

I hope it's something simple like that for ya'll

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Think big! Change the world! One A.R.K at a time.

Thanks for all the responses. I need to learn not to post when I am feeling really frustrated because it definately came out in my post. Just to clarify one thing, he doesn't normally laugh when I cry. He never sees me cry, really, but his dad plays a game with him where he will pretend to cry and it will make him crack up. I think he thought I was playing with him. I never get pushed to the point I was today! He just tested me one time too many and I lost it. I let him rest in his room for an hour and he quietly played with toys and looked at books. Then he came out and we had lunch and went to the pool for an hour and a half. He was an angel. He is a kid that needs LOTS of exercise and I think my big mistake this morning was not getting him any exercise before we went to the library and to run an errand. He was just revved up. He is now having a snack and watching a Thomas movie, so we shall see how it goes with no nap. Wish me luck! I will put him down at 8 tonight and see what happens. Maybe an hour of quiet time in his room a day will be enough, and he can fall asleep if he wants to but I won't let him sleep for more than an hour.

He is a sweet child, he is just very energetic. When he is bored, he starts to stir it up. Now that school is out and the mosquitos are out and it is nearing 90 already, I am just going to have to work harder to make sure he gets some energy out in the mornings since we can't just spend the morning at the playground or in the yard, then we can swim in the afternoons (swim team practice goes until 11 every day so all but a tiny piece of the pool is off limits until then).

I hate when I post things when I am really angry and frustrated because it makes him look like a terrible kid, and he isn't. He is just 2. And chickyhip, he is like you describe - just when I think I can't take it anymore, he snaps out of it for a few months until the next growth spurt when the cycle of testing my limits starts again. He is always going to be a strong willed little guy, it is just his personality. Thanks again for your responses.