My ds is almost 4, he really is a nice little guy. He has great manners and is very mild mannered. I don't have to discipline him much. And when I do it's for things like holding his sister hands (she is 10 mos. and wants to crawl away and he holds them too long kissing them), shaking the gate. His biggest problem is not doing what he is told! Even just getting his jammies on takes a half n hour. He gets distracted very easily as well. When I put him in the corner he will follow me out, I constantly put him back he just won't stay. It has been going on for about a year. I find myself hitting him on the hiney to try to get him to stay. I am one who says I wouldn't do that, but I am at a loss. I try to take a toy away. He will get it back himself. I say things like your not going to watch your show if you don't.....It doesn't faze him. nOw he yells when he wants something or talks back. I want to nip this in the bud now, and get some control, What should I do? What works for you?

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"Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body." ~Anonymous

It sounds like he's testing you and winning. I have one who was just like yours when he was about that age. The good news, he's not anymore. Maturity had a lot to do with it, I think. But I would suggest being very absolute about the rules and consistant with punishments so that he knows if he does "X" than "Y" is going to happen everytime. Taking things away that are near and dear is usually my choice of punishments. It's never an option to just take them back because that would result in loosing more favorites and would also have a time out, we use a time out chair and a timer. We used to have a timeout box and it would stay in full view as a reminder of the things they were missing out on. It will take some practice, but try rephrasing your requests into statements like, "Please get into your jammies and if you get them on before the timer goes off, we will have a great snack." My kids respond well to a timer, it's fun to race it. We also have an absolute bedtime, so if anyone waists time not getting jammies on, they are missing the things they really love like the movie and snack time. Bed time is at 7:30 no matter if they are done or not. They learn to hurry and follow requests better when they know it is the good stuff they will be missing out on. I don't really need to raise my voice much anymore, if something is going on that's not good, I just give a warning to stop it, next they lose something. No need to yell or spank, just this is the way it is, then they are really in charge of whether their day will be a good one or not.

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The mighty oak started out as a nut that held its ground.

I just thought of something else you could try for the taking the toys back when you have taken them away. You could offer to throw it in the garbage if he does it. I do remember throwing some toys away as punishments (usually for not picking them up after being asked a bunch of times). I didn't have to do it very many times before they knew I meant it.

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The mighty oak started out as a nut that held its ground.

Treehugger ? for you. The box with the toys in it so he can see great idea. I also am getting a timer. But when do you give the toys back and how?

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"Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body." ~Anonymous

Maybe a reward chart for how fast he can get those jammies on? How fast he lets go of baby sister's fingers when told to? How fast for whatever it is you need him to do? I have six kids, and I know that different methods work for different ones, even in my own household! We use reverse psycology a lot here, too! "Don't you get those jammies on fast...don't you do it...Oh man, he DID IT". It creates lots of fun giggles and a feeling of accomplishment. Soon, with both of these methods, it becomes habit. They do it because that is now how they are used to doing it. Make sense?

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Shaking in my boots (well, if I was wearing them in the middle of summer!), but glad to be back!

I used to put them in for a day. They could have them back if they behaved. If you leave them in there too long, they used to lose interest and find another favorite. Now that my kids are older, they have to earn them back by doing extra chores.

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The mighty oak started out as a nut that held its ground.

I got some good tips, ideas and info from the book "1-2-3 Magic" by Thomas Phelan over the years...maybe check it out at your library?

I think some things work for some kids and then don't with others, it just depends on their personalities. Time outs worked for my older son but definately did not with my younger son.

I hope you find something that clicks with him really soon! Good luck!

My son has Aspergers, and at that age, we dealt with exactly the same things. He had (and still has) no sense of time and will dawdle and daydream unless we're going somewhere he's excited about. I tell him how many minutes he has and let him know in about 30 second increments where he is. The timer is a great graphic reminder, as is a clock.

The big thing that helps with Aspergers, but I think is applicable to any young one is to get down to his level and very calmly (not in his face, but at eye level) talk to him. Let him know the rules up front. At that age, I actually sat with him in time out - no words, no nothing. But it kept him there. Otherwise, you can put him in his room for the period of time. One minute per year of age. Tell him before and after time out EXACTLY what he did wrong. You can have him try to tell you how he can do better next time, but he may not have the skills yet, so you may have to tell him before time out so he thinks about it. Kids do get distracted easily at this age. Perhaps put two stickers in the time out area for him to study. And on the holding of the baby, I tell my son (yes, I have to remind him) two kisses and stop. On the holding count of 5 and stop or baby will be upset with you.

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I was going to suggest the same thing! It worked really well for my 4yo. Also, a chore chart w/the everyday things on it like hang your coat up when we come home, put your clothes in the laundry, etc. We then give tokens that can be redeemed for rewards. Rewards vary in "price" from 5 - 500 tokens and range from a matchbox car, sheet of stickers, coloring book all the way up to a $5 toy of choice. DS really responded to the combination of the two.

We've had several toys disappear after being on the floor for too long as well.

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[quote=mommy&wifeisme]. I try to take a toy away. He will get it back himself. QUOTE]

This one stood out for me. How is he getting the toy back? You are the parent here. I know with mine, I would take the toy away and put it on top of the refrigerator so he could see it but not play with it. Typically I count to three and once I say three the toy is gone and he knows I mean business. Now when I get to two he cooperates. You really need to stand firm and be consistent. Eventually it will work. If he won't sit in a corner, try putting him in his room. If he comes out, stand at the door and hold the handle so he can't. He will get the message.