My 2.5 year old is very strong willed and while he can be the sweetest, most loving child in the world his tantrums and hitting are getting out of control. It has gotten so bad that I can't take him to my mom's to visit (she lives within walking distance) because he absolutely refuses to come home when it's time and DH has the truck during the day. He is large for his age, very tall and weighs about 35 pounds. I am only about 100 pounds when I'm not pregnant and not very strong so when he throws a full blown tantrum I physically cannot pick him up and carry him.

Yesterday he threw the worst one I've ever seen. I went to visit my mom for lunch and when I tried to change his diaper he started hitting, screaming, kicking and it took both of us to hold him down. I did give him a firm swat, it never does any good. When I tried to get him home I actually dropped him because I couldn't hold him. It was horrible and I ended up leaving him with my poor mom until DH came home. He is constantly telling me no, pulling away from me, shoving, hitting, and time outs and spankings don't seem to work. He isn't this way with DH, he pretty much listens to him. I feel like such a crappy mom, I don't know what to do. Any advice? If anyone knows of any good resources, especially those with a Christian slant, I would really appreciate it.

first i off i have to say kids throwing a fit is never easy. my biggest advice is you need to make a plan and stick to it. that means don't change the way you handle it everytime because at 2 1/2 they are smart and it looks like he is steam rolling you over. by you leaving him with your mother you are giving in to him and he knows that if he throws a fit bad enough he can control you and look it worked you left him where he wanted to stay. do you have a stroller? if so when you walk to your moms he has to be in it and when its time to leave he has to be in it thus you won't have to carry him he can kick and screem all the way home. grandma also needs to say you can't stay here you are going home even if she has to help you get him in the stroller. then you leave simple as that there are no other options. give him the rules before you leave home and remind hime while you are there. my daughter is just 2 and she knows when i say its time to go its time to go or we don't get to come back ect.


as for the diaper i guess he would have sat in it if it were my kid maybe after we got home he would have wanted it changed because his butt was not feeling so good.

good luck its never easy.

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SILENCE IS GOLDEN BUT DUCK TAPE IS SILVER.

I have been reading the book "Parenting by the Book" - I HIGHLY recommend it!

stay consistant, in every aspect of your disipline with him

Many children hit, don't feel like a bad mom, that is what kids do when they cannot articulate what they are feeling.

When he hits, grab both his hands firmly and in a strong tone, on his level, say hands are NOT for hitting, use your words. There is a great book, called just that, hands are not for hitting... they are for high fives, eating etc

If you want the book and think it would be helpful, pm me and I will dig it out of dd's book, we had to use this with her

also, remember that certain things trigger these behaviors, hunger, tired... know when is enough

as far as leaving your mothers house, give him a talk, say we are going to grandmas for 1 hour... then give him warnings, we are leaving in 10 minutes... we are leaving in 5 minutes... we are leaving in 1 minute

I would not put up with the dirty diaper either, at 2 he should be able to sit while you change him, if he does not want to let him sit in it

I have nannied for 6 years, and some children are so strong willed, the key is being consistant. he is not too young for the naughty mat. I have had to take children who have been throwing temper tantrums, and just so they would not hurt me, or themselves, put them on their bed, close the door, until they calm down.

good luck, and remember, your not a bad mom, you're learning just as he is, but he is also learning from you and be consistant! :-)

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married 9 years to a crazy Brit, mommy to a banana, she is 5 a pineapple who is 2 and a newborn sugarplum, mommy to 4 ~angel~ babies

Thanks for your replies. The stroller idea is a good one, the only problem is that my driveway is very long and steep and I don't think I could push him up it, it's gravel. I will also check out the books that you all have mentioned. I think that consistency is the key and the truth is, I haven't been very consistent lately. I was very, very sick for the first four months or so of this pregnancy and I think that's when it really got out of control. I just didn't feel up to the battles so I avoided them. Now I can't pull and tug at him and he's taking advantage of that fact, pretty much running the household. I am going to take action now because I can only imagine what life will be like with a new baby and a violent toddler. It makes me shudder...thanks for the advice everybody.