i had my first baby in February, and she's 10 1/2 months now. as soon as i gave birth, people began to ask when i would have another. i just wanted to scream at them. i'll admit the shock of being a new mother may be clouding my perception a little, but is it at all possible, does anyone believe that i don't want more children?

i get strangers on the street telling me i need to have another baby so my dd will have a sibling to play with. it's not like we live in the middle of nowhere, and her family is the only people she has. she has 2 cousins who live in the area, one one month older than her, and one is 6 months younger than her. so she's not alone or isolated.

i'll admit i am young and a new baby is a stress, so i'm going to give myself a few years before i go under the knife so i can't have another. but i'm upset that people are upset when i say that. is it so horrible to have just one child? is this a crime? did anyone else have to deal with this?

We went through that; we weren't sure we wanted two. When we did decide to go for it, it was OUR decision; no one else's. WE were the ones with the sleepless nights, using our money, changing our lives for another, not them. Most of the time, they didn't actually truly care anyway; they were just making conversation. Everyone's an expert.

Do what you think is right for your life. I honestly think there are pros and cons to either choice. Our son was the center of our universe, and he had a hard time transitioning to where he wasn't #1. But that could happen with two anyway, especially in our case, where he had some special needs. Now he's learning he isn't always first, but I have to put up with the arguing, even though there are 5 years between them!

So don't let them get under your skin. They are living in their own world, and until they volunteer to do all the babysitting, cleaning, paying for care and education that you will do, their views don't really matter in your life.

I also thought it was rude when a stranger asks because, well, how do you know we aren't trying but have fertility issues? If that were the case, I wouldn't want to discuss it with a stranger. Then I'd get play by play, blow by blow (pun intended) advice. No thanks.

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Aren't people rude? As if it's any of their business. I am an only child and I have an only child (age 10). We briefly tried for more but it didn't work out.

It's just important that the child have access to friends and family. We live in a "go outside and play" neighborhood with a lot of kids, so I don't feel like he's missing much. So many adult siblings don't get along anyway.

A disproportionate number of onlies (including me) are artists because of the long spans of uninterupted time to concentrate and focus.

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"Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang the best." ~Henry Van Dyke

After we adopted DD, I considered adopting another child. After all, we were already in child-raising mode so I figured another child wouldn't be much more work. Hubby said, "No." He made the point that we had already raised a group - our first round kids who are all adults now - and it was so stressful. We could barely give time, energy or financial resources to them all. By contrast, it is so nice to have an 'only'. And like you pointed out, it isn't like she will be raised in isolation.

So, you're NOT crazy for considering having an only and you don't have to justify your decision to anyone.

Deflect people's comments with a sense of humor. It is none of their business anyway.

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For health reasons, I wasn't able to have more than one child. I think our "only" has a rich life! I have talked to other "onlies" about how they felt, and most were fine with it. I think sometimes "onlies" are closer to their parents. I agree with the artist factor -- what a luxury it is to be able to concentrate and focus on what interests you!

I think it's a great idea to come up with some long-winded, incredibly detailed and boring explanation for why you have just one child. After all, they asked -- might as well give them their money's worth!

M

Agreed! This is your life and your decisions. I am actually pregnant with our second child and that is OUR decision. There is no one size fits all for what makes a family. I believe it is extremely responsible for anyone to decide they either don't want any children or don't want any more children. It is taking responsibility for their reproduction! That is a concept a lot of people with a bunch of kids that they don't take adequate care of could get a handle on. So that's my two cents. IMO you are being a thoughtful adult. So go love that baby of yours and feel no guilt!!!

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Here, here!!

We have also dealt with this issue. And the most annoying response to our one-baby discussion (even more so than telling us that we NEED to have a second child so he won't be lonely) is that expression on someone's face that I don't know what I'm talking about, that they know better and eventually i'll figure it out.

Yes it may take slightly more effort to have your only child interact with other children, you can't just send them into the living room with their sister, but for every set of siblings that plays together happily thereir is another set that is completely uninterested in spending time together past the age of 6. That's what you have neighbors, friends and family for. In fact the only challenge I really see is on some family vacations we may include a friend.

Enjoy spending good quality time with your only-child. And be happy in the fact that you didn't have another child to fit someone else's picture of a family.

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I'm already getting that, and we're not even done "growing" the first one in me yet!!

I've also had a slew of health issues, and really, I can't recall a single time when I've felt like, "I love this! Yay!" I hate pregnancy.

My sister had serious complications with her two, and the doctor told her flat out that if she tried for a third, it was very likely she may die. No thanks. I'm not afriad that I'm going to die, but I've already had enough scares so far.

Whenever people ask me now, I tell them we will have a second when DH can carry it to term. I think DH is ok with this because he's had enough stress and nerve wracking drives with me to the hospital. He's a protective guy, and I think it scares him when I've had to go in (heart problems, appendicitis, kidney problems, dehydration/kidney failure etc etc etc).

It is crazy how rabid people are about having two kids. It's like there is some program of demanding questions to ask of people - "When are you getting married?", "When are you having kids?","When are you having another kid?","When are you going to STOP having kids?" All of which is NO-ONE'S business!!

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