OK...here is goes.....I am soon to be 24 on Friday ! I am 31 weeks pregnant with my third child. I'm lucky that my husband agreed to have another one. I'm facing..having my tubes tied or not...sometimes I feel that will be OK..and other days...I'm NOT OK with it at all. I know money wise it would be the best thing...but some how isn't there always enough money? I have been a stay at home mom for all my 5 years of married and I have 9 siblings..I helped raise half of them..I feel that there isn't anything else that I'll be good at...I don't even really know what I would to when they all went to school. I have to have c-sections..and how many of them can one person really have..so there is that too. I got married and will have all my kids in 5 years...half the people I know haven't started there adult lives yet. Why didn't I spread it out a little?? I'm 24 and I feel like after they go to school that it will be all over for me....and I do know deep down I sound and feel. OK...(breathing) I guess I need some advise...or just needed to talk about it Anything you say would have to be better then feeling crazy!! Thanks!

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SAHM to MacKenzie 09/10/03, Brooke 09/21/05, KayLynn 04/23/08 and WIFE to Fred 6 years

If you don't wanna do something perminate I would suggest a iud like Mirrena. That way in 5 years you change your mind you can still have more kids or wait longer or possbily never.

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Mom of one kangaroo!

first of all, congratulations!

I am a bit older, but I think that sometimes, for some women, no matter what age you are, that's the way you feel. I think that is why some women just keep on having babies. I mean.. if you feel that way after the first one, and the second one and the third one.. chances are you'll continue to feel that way no matter how many you have. You know what I mean?

I will have one more child and even though I know that logically, that is ENOUGH, I think I will always feel that longing, but at what point do you stop if you always feel that way? I don't know if I'm making sense.. basically, just wanted to say I understand.

I had my 2 at 21 and 23, and was actually kind of excited about being 42 when my last one graduated high school. That is SO YOUNG to start your "second life". You know? But now I'm marrying this year to a man who has none of his own, and so I'll be having another one in a year or two or the thought of such a wide space between the 2nd and 3rd freaks me out. Is there any way for you to focus on the positives if the decision you make is to not have any more? I mean, you said you really do feel ok about it.. it's just that sadness of passing a phase in your life.. The only way around it is through it, right?

I'm sorry you feel so sad.

((hugs))

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Carly
SAHM to:
DS Levi (9)
DD Abbey (7)

It seems to me that deep down this feeling comes from an insecurity you have regarding your own talents and skills. I'm sure all of those pregnancy hormones aren't helping at all either!

Here is the thing...you are talking about something 18 years down the road! My mom was still at home even when we were in school. She had plenty to do! There are committees and community things...vounteering....even in your home...baking, canning, scrapbooking....etc. I don't think you have to worry about not being busy!

Even still...it's a long time away. I understand that it's scary to think that you will never have another baby. It's part of being a woman and it's wonderful! But in 10+ years, ou will be a different person in a different stage of your life. Like NoahsMommy said, there are less permanent options you could try first. Or even if you do go permanent and decide you still want little children in your life...there is fostercare or adoption!

Don't be sad...just enjoy your children now and worry about the rest when you need too! You have more choices than you think! Plus you never know what will come up in this life. Afterall...Life is what happens while we are busy making plans! It's so true!!

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Bekah
Co-founder and CEO of the NOVITZKE FAMILY INC.

E=Noahsmommy]If you don't wanna do something perminate I would suggest a iud like Mirrena. That way in 5 years you change your mind you can still have more kids or wait longer or possbily never.[/quote]
IUDs are great because they aren't permanent and you can keep them in for several years. It is also easy because you don't have to worry about remembering to take a pill everyday. It might be a good idea for you, at least until you decide what you really want to do. Getting your tubes tied is pretty permanent. I would make sure you are positive that is what you want before doing it.

Sounds like you and DH really need to have a serious conversation about your doubts/reasons for not having your tubes tied.

I had my tubes tied because it is just too risky for both me and baby for me to be pregnant. I had 3 surgeries on my uterus before getting pregnant, 1 miscarriage, 1 healthy baby delivered by c-section, and 1 emergency bowel obstruction surgery 1 weeks after delivering my DD (they went through the same scar as the c-section). So my "down there" has been cut through 5 times.

So when we did my c-section I opted for the tubal ligation. We were just so lucky that my DD was healthy and delivered safely at 35 weeks. Although I spent the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy on bed rest or in the hospital on bed rest.

My OB told me that she was really worried that my uterus would rupture at the incision sites from my previous surgeries. If that happened my baby would need to be delivered within 3 minutes from the time it ruptured or she would be born dead. As much as I wanted to maybe have more children in the future, I just couldn't put myself or the baby at risk. But that is me.

Besides, we already have one child through adoption, and I figured that if God wanted us to have more children, He would bring them to us through adoption just like He brought our son to us.

Just my thoughts...


Sandra

I agree with the others who say opt for a 5 year IUD. You are SO young to do anything permanent. My DH and I are 29 and 30 and although we think this will be our last we still feel too young to make perm. decisions. See how DH feels about a 5 year option. When you are 29 (and you will be a different person I might add- you grow a ton in your 20's) you guys can revisit your status on more kids. So for now- enjoy those kiddos of yours!

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My advise, is if you don't feel 100% about it, don't do it, or at least wait...there are alternatives as others have mentioned (i didn't read all the postings...just the 2nd one).

A friend of mine uses the book Taking Charge of your Fertility. She used it to help her get pregnant and her SIL used it as birth control basically (she's used it for a while and she's still not pregnant, so it must work).

Me personally, I would try the book first bc I am not okay with unnecessary procedures and I don't like putting drugs in my body (yes, im a wierd when it comes to drugs especiallyl during my child bearing years).

Good luck and try not to think about it too much and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!!!

I'll give another plug for the Mirena IUD! It is awesome. After my second son was born my dh was going to get a vasectomy and my OB suggested the Mirena and told me it was even more foolproof than the vasectomy. I was 34 when I had him and was quite sure I was done, but she told me I might regret doing something permanent as long as I was still young enough to have another. I am still positive that I don't want any more children (I blow that theory someone mentioned about always having that longing for another baby!) but my dh sure was grateful to put off that surgery! I will actually probably get another IUD after my 5 years are up and hopefully that will get me through childbearing age. I can't say enough good things about it. I barely have a period (it lasts for about a day and a half and is extremely light) and I don't have PMS any more. LOVE IT!

This is my own personal experience--I got my tubes tied with my last kid...not because I didn't want more, but because my husband didn't want more and "we don't have money for more kids". I did what was best for my husband because I love him. I regret having my tubes tied every single day. I am trying to get over it because there is nothing I can do about it, but it hurts. I am not exaggerating at all. I would be pregnant right now if I hadn't gotten my tubes tied and it hurts that I am not. (The posts that I have made the last couple days probably make me sound like I need major counseling.)

I say if you are not 100% positive that this is what YOU want, don't do it.

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"It's time to move from what we can do, to what we must do, to what we will do." ~Hillary Clinton