First of all I am very happy that I have two cute and adorable kids (boy and a girl) they are my world but some days I have this strong desire to add one more to our family. I mean just one more and Dh thinks I'm selfish for asking one more because there are women out there who can't have any. Is it selfish to ask for another one? I can't help it if I feel this way I really can't. I'm a little hurt because he said that. I'm not selfish and I don't do things only for myself. He said two is enough and yes it is but I just want one more child. Just one more but unfortunatly he said NO. He said if I want one more I need to find another man who can give me one more baby :-( Its not like I'm talking about right now like maybe later on you know :-(

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I don't think that makes you selfish whatsoever. In fact raising children is very unselfish. I am not sure why he would call you selfish for wanting more children. You not having more children is not going to make someone who can't be able to have some KWIM

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I love hunting deals

Mom to Kellan 12-16-2000
Brooklyn 12-27-2005
Nolan 10-15-2007
Wife to Russell 10-14-2005

What this sounds like to me is that your husband doesn't want another baby and instead of just saying that, he is turning it around on you by trying to make you feel guilty. You are not being selfish.

I don't think wanting another baby is selfish. I do though think it's a decision that should be made by BOTH partners and both should want it. In previous posts it has sounded like your DH is not always verbally appropriate to you...this sounds like another one of those cases. I agree he probably just doesn't want another one, but can't just say that maturely but instead attacks you.

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I do think there are People who think that having More than 1 Or 2 kids is Selfish - For whatever Reasons ,
They think That The world Is Overpopulated and too Many Kids are out there Who need homes.
Etc. Etc.

I Don't know If thats What Your Dh is trying to say.

At any Rate , I think he is Telling You He Doesn't Want Anymore.

Maybe He will Change his Mind in a Few Yrs.

Most Men don't Want to think about Another ,when they Have a Young One at home.

Maybe he will Never Change his Mind.
I Am Like the Others in thinking that It takes two To Make that Decision , and Both Parties Need to Agree.

Yikes! Sounds little harsh to me. Our plan is to focus on our two for now and revisit the idea for sure in a few years. Maybe that's what you guys should agree to do too. I do not think you sound selfish at all.

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I agree w/ Aliadam and Taylyn. I'm thinking his reason for saying it was selfish is perhaps because you could not verbalize any reason other than you want another. If you could have verbalized better reasons - like the ones you have are doing so well, that you obviously make a great parenting team; you have so much to offer a child; perhaps how much you appreciate having more siblings and that you want your kids to be able to have siblings to lean on through their lives....

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As a mom of four (so far), I thought I would chime in, so take it for what it's worth. I am also coming from the perspective of a Catholic who doesn't use artificial means of birth control, but contrary to popular belief, I ain't just popping out babies left and right

Dh and I when we were first married thought that two kids would be perfect (after all, that's what society tells you is socially acceptable it seems). When we had our second, we were so thrilled that dh said 'let's have one or two more.' When our third dc was born, he said why not five or six? LOL As I like to say, the equipment is still working, so anything is possible.

The yearning you are having is natural...it's called being a woman! We were made to have babies and love them.

As for your dh, perhaps he is ingrained with the thought that two is socially acceptable and any more would be perceived as weird (I guess that makes us downright insane!). Perhaps he is worried about the monetary aspect of it (dh makes about $54K a year and we raise 4 kids on it, with two in private school even). Perhaps he is worried about being emotionally able to parent more than two--some days it is difficult, but it is amazing how much your love grows when there are four little people wanting attention.

I have a sil who is adamant about having no more kids (she has two girls, ages 6 and 3), and her dh would love one more. It is painful to watch because she is not exactly gentle in her refusal and it is hard for me to not take it personally when she makes comments about there is no reason for her to have more.

I wish I had some wonderful advice, but I don't, because my dh is open to more kids if they come along.

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Christie

• Married to Mark since 1995
• SAHM to 4 (so far!): Kelly (6/98); Steven (9/02); Brooke (6/04); Michael (9/07)
• Jane Austen fanatic
• Down to 2 student loans (less than $8K total) and mortgage
• Cradle Catholic
• Politically incorrect
• Yankee with a Southern drawl

Well, not for all women! There are plenty of us out there who are perfectly happy with no children and have never experienced the "biological alarm clock" feeling that so many people talk about. Just because you are a woman, does not mean you are meant to be a mom. But for those who do want kids, or want more kids, I think the important thing is that you and your DH agree on it. He has to be on board too.

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JaneAusten - I found this comment really interesting. Why does it strike you personally if your SIL does not want more children? It is not a judgement on you. All of us have limitations. Some of us can handle many kids, some a few, some none. We all have different finances, different housing situations, different other demands on us - like aging parents, maybe chronic illnesses, job stresses or insecurities. You mention how having more children makes your love grow, but for many families more children = more stress = more money worries = divorce.

If your family works for you, that is wonderful. But it sounds to me like your SIL knows her limits. It's always sad when one spouse wants one thing and the other wants something else, but that is where compromise comes in. Some women have post-partum depression or difficult pregnancies and have no wish to go there again. Your SIL might feel that she has at her limit with the 2 she has. I think it's great that she knows when to stop, and I think it's great that you and your DH love having a big family. But if she sees no reason to have more, I think you need to respect her decision and not take it as a judgement on your choices.

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